<Gayo> RandBrittain: All well with computer?
<RandBrittain> It appears that the charger cord has been partially severed.
<Gayo> do you have enough charge for game
<Gayo> I guess we will find out!
<Rimblade> Or WILL we?
<RandBrittain> The answers… were stolen!
<Gayo> How did we end?
<Gayo> oh yeah, the Committee on Oversight got mad at us because we stole the moon, and then all our stuff got stolen, and then we went to outback steakhouse
<Gayo> they have no taste.
<Rimblade> I ate a bloom'n onion by myself.
<Rimblade> That might be a Wound.
<Gayo> affliction: is full
<RandBrittain> Is everybody about?
<MorkaisChosen> I am!
<MorkaisChosen> oh, forewarning: next week I am in a field being a wizard
<Gayo> I will be away for two weekends in May, myself
- You are now known as Hollyhock God
- MorkaisChosen is now known as Sarabande
- DukeGod is now known as Nomen
<Nomen> Might be a bit slow today. Just came back from a trip yesterday
<Hollyhock God> So! Somebody robbed your vaults.
<Hollyhock God> It's embarrassing.
<Hollyhock God> You've been hearing reports of other daring thefts, too.
<Sarabande> ((I forgot to do my homework. >_> )
<Gayo> Oh, tell us about the other daring thefts
- Gayo is now known as Vauncey
<Vauncey> Maybe we can improve our image if we catch them, in that case.
<Hollyhock God> Well, somebody stole half of the treasury from Locus Zaanaanim.
<Hollyhock God> Also most of the fall lineup.
<Hollyhock God> So, the X-Files will not be coming back after all.
<Hollyhock God> Some of Lady Amyra's paintings, the ones you can walk into? They were replaced with fakes.
<Hollyhock God> This is especially bad because apparently some people were walked into them at the time.
<Hollyhock God> And apparently there was a major robbery at the temporary residence of the Power of Avaric.
<Nomen> "Well. We're doomed. Shut down business and starta new?"
<Sarabande> "Absolutely not! The bees need us!"
<Hollyhock God> Also the moon is missing and you keep receiving threats of legal action about that.
<Vauncey> Do they have a colorable argument against us or is it just bluster
<Vauncey> I'm a little unclear how noble law works.
<Hollyhock God> The laws of the Nobilis are ancient and complex!
<Hollyhock God> "Harm none who has done no harm" is definitely a rule, though.
<Nomen> There's no proof the moon is missing
<Hollyhock God> I'm sure Nomen is preparing an argument about the harms of tax avoidance, of course.
<Nomen> Since the black hole has the same gravity, it has the same efffects
<Nomen> For all effects, the moon has clearly just went into some kind of permanent No Moon phase
- Rimblade is now known as Darryl Collins
<Nomen> blame the Power of Moon
<Nomen> (Nomen needs a lawyer to say all that, he can't lie)
<Vauncey> Yeah, I was going to say
<Vauncey> we are clearly empowered to seize assets for tax evasion! also, they attacked us with a giant ape
<Vauncey> that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
<Sarabande> "We can attempt to construct a beeswax moon shape to go around the black hole."
<Vauncey> I am in favour of the beeswax dysonsphere initiative.
<Vauncey> Let's look into that!
<Vauncey> In the meantime, we should look into these thefts though.
<Nomen> Well, I suppose the humans will be surprised to find out it isnt made of cheese, but rather beeswas
<Vauncey> Perhaps we should interview some of the other victims. Although — is there a third party whose job is technically to investigate such things?
<Vauncey> Or can we claim jurisdiction.
<Hollyhock God> Or you could read this invitation!
<Hollyhock God> It came in the mail.
<Hollyhock God> Which you get, somehow.
<Hollyhock God> Presumably involving bees.
<Hollyhock God> Apparently you're all requested to attend the Robber's Guild Charity Blowout Auction.
<Nomen> Of course we get it, how else would I get Sports Illustrated?
<Sarabande> "It's a trap!"
<Hollyhock God> "Stolen Stuff Auctioned For the Common Good."
<Hollyhock God> "(ps bring lots of money)
<Hollyhock God> Oh, and it's black tie.
<Nomen> I'm afraid it's Casual Friday
<Vauncey> WHo else is invited?
<Vauncey> Is this a costume thing? Because I think I lost that mask.
<Darryl Collins> I still have mine.
<Darryl Collins> And the tie, naturally.
<Hollyhock God> You call up some other people! They all claim to be invited.
<Hollyhock God> Unless you called up, like, mortals or something. If you did that then they said no.
<Vauncey> Let's give it a shot. We don't have any other leads, and if we can beat the robbers in front of everyone it'll look good.
- Vauncey secretly just likes going to parties.
<Nomen> Well, I suppoe it fits our M.O
<Vauncey> Possibly we should do some recon first.
- Sarabande gets the very large number of very small bow ties.
<Vauncey> Darryl is our only recon-friendly estate, I suppose
<Nomen> That is, just go in, fail miserably at blending in and then just see whath appens
<Nomen> We're like James Bond if he sucked at the blending in part
<Sarabande> he *does* suck at the blending in part :-P
<Nomen> I'm Daniel Craig',s just don't giving a fuck about what happens and punishing the bad guy though wanton destruction
<Vauncey> (did we regen MP here? Not sure how much time passed)
<Vauncey> Nomen: People might not recognize you since you are a dragon, at least
<Vauncey> What form does noble money take anyway
<Vauncey> do we use credit cards for large purchases?
<Hollyhock God> It's a new story, so you're at full MP, although Nomen and Sarabande are still recovering from wounds.
<Hollyhock God> Noble currency is generally weird-looking money like the buddhitanka or the urum.
<Darryl Collins> Hmm.
<Vauncey> What wound did Sarabane take?
<Nomen> "I think we need codenames…Hmm…I'm Mr….Phoenix, yes
<Darryl Collins> I suppose I could see if anyone is currently auditing any part of the Robbers and then incarnate into that.
<Hollyhock God> She is concerned about what it means to not have parents.
<Sarabande> We are profoundly unsettled by our lack of parents.
<Nomen> "wait, nevermind, that's never going to work, if someone asks my name I can't lie"
<Nomen> "Or maybe I CAN since technically I lost my name a long time ago"
<Vauncey> Can we audit their assets in anticipation of the sale?
<Vauncey> It seems likely to me that they are ill-gotten.
<Hollyhock God> There's nothing illegal about robbery!
<Hollyhock God> I mean, probably.
<Darryl Collins> True, but you don't need to audit things just because they're obviously illegal.
<Darryl Collins> We could audit them for many reasons!
<Hollyhock God> They're a licensed noble order under the Accords at Babylon.
<Hollyhock God> I guess you can audit them if you can find them.
<Darryl Collins> That does seem to be the rub.
<Nomen> Where is the auction?
<Vauncey> Technically, I think we can do a combo attack where I make people delinquent on taxes so darryl can audit them
<Vauncey> that seems gauche though.
<Hollyhock God> It's in the middle of the ancient forest of Lost-in-thought.
<Hollyhock God> Which I have just invented, and placed in the middle of South Dakota.
<Vauncey> is that the good dakota, or the other one?
<Nomen> Oh good
<Nomen> I Incarnate into the Night and scout them from my vanrtage point
<Darryl Collins> So, we could, of course, show up during the auction and attempt to audit them there.
<Darryl Collins> But that's the definition of 'they'll be expecting us'
<Hollyhock God> Vauncey: I'm not sure how to tell.
<Hollyhock God> Nomen sees a bunch of people setting up a stage, and polishing an auctioneer's hammer!
<Hollyhock God> He does not see a big pile of stolen loot. I guess it's not going to be that easy!
- Nomen stops his INcarnation
<Nomen> "They're there. There's loot"
<Darryl Collins> Do we know the information about the Robbers as presented in the book?
<Nomen> "I think we'd be in the right in claiming any loot. I mean I'm a dragon now, I'm supposed to hoard treasury"
<Hollyhock God> That's public knowledge!
<Darryl Collins> "I would expect them to have already hidden the stolen goods via sacrifice in their temples. Presumably they will call out pieces to auction."
<Nomen> "Most of it is there. I saw it"
<Nomen> "Or all of it. Dunnno"
<Sarabande> ((hmm? I thought you didn't and couldn't lie?))
<Vauncey> Do you think we have enough money to buy back everything?
<Hollyhock God> No! You spend all your money on expensive nightsoil!
<Darryl Collins> We have a duty, dammit!
<Nomen> Well that rules out buying aniway
<Nomen> We do this the hard way. The Noble way
<Nomen> We choose to do this not because it is easy but because it is hard!
<Darryl Collins> Well, let's set things up in advance. Do we intend to attend this auction, or shall we seek to strike at the Robbers before or after their event?
<Nomen> …I had a wicked idea
<Darryl Collins> And if we're seeking to audit them, what about?
<Nomen> "Anytime we choose to strike, I nominate we use plan Moon Landing"
<Darryl Collins> …does that entail dropping the moon on them?
<Sarabande> "We are not certain what this plan entails."
<Darryl Collins> I fail to see how that would help.
<Nomen> "Technically, it is a crash landing of the moon at terminal velocity"
<Nomen> (technicality is a big thing for people who can't lie)
<Vauncey> Vauncey: Hrm, don't we have some sort of acquisition budget?
<Vauncey> I guess in principle I could probably fudge it with some sort of tax miracle
<Vauncey> (to hg not to self :( )
- Vauncey puts on his half-glasses and runs the numbers to see how much budget can be freed up with tax miracles.
<Hollyhock God> Yeah, but it's not that big. I mean, you *have* loads of money.
<Hollyhock God> It just mostly isn't yours!
<Vauncey> Well, this is official business!
<Vauncey> Hrm, actuallyu
<Vauncey> How does this work normally?
<Vauncey> Do we issue cheques or something
<Hollyhock God> Even if it was, what's the point of giving robbers your money to buy that stuff back? You'd just end up where you were.
<Nomen> We can combine the moon landing with vanceuty's preservation of taxes, since the moon was taxed, to stop it from being destroyed in the process!
<Hollyhock God> I assume you either use money, or barter, or something.
<Vauncey> Hollyhock God: Ah, but any monetary gains they make from the auction will be taxable
<Vauncey> And conveniently we'll be right there.
<Sarabande> We still lose out, though…
<Darryl Collins> "I'd love to unleash the fires of audit upon those arrogant fiends, but I'm not entirely sure what audit will allow us to take our stuff back."
<Nomen> (they ARE auctioning technically legal goods)
<Vauncey> (Yeah, but all financial transactions are presumably taxable)
<Vauncey> (And the actual rate of taxation is presumably flexible with Tax miracles!)
<Nomen> (I'm sayin we can totally tax their profits)
<Vauncey> (ah, ^5)
<Hollyhock God> What if they have goons! They might just steal the taxed goods back, robber-style!
<Darryl Collins> "I have a thought."
<Nomen> True. We should open with Plan Moon Landing Improved tos end a message
<Vauncey> Hollyhock God: We can do legbreaking if strictly needed!
<Darryl Collins> "Vauncy, how noble would you say our taxes are?"
<Nomen> Or we can just start by breaking legs, pay gor healthcare and then just tax all the healthcare money
<Vauncey> "Nothing is more noble than taxes," recites Vauncey, "Because taxes allow all other nobility to exist." It's not clear if he actually believes that, but that's what the employee orientation manual says.
<Vauncey> (Gor healthcare is a much more interesting concept than it would be without the typo)
<Darryl Collins> "Precisely. Now, the nature of an auction is that the bidding of others causes the price of an object to rise to the highest value which any present will pay for it."
<Darryl Collins> "Yet if others will not pay, one might acquire an item cheaply."
<Vauncey> "Do you have something in mind?"
<Nomen> "So wed take out competition?"
<Darryl Collins> "I propose a curse- that any who purchase from the Robbers for less-than-maximally noble purposes shall suffer dire consequence."
<Darryl Collins> "Logically, then, we shall be the sole bidders."
<Nomen> "Come ooon, I'm sure tehre's somethign on the book about how we can do Plan Moon Landing Version 3"
<Sarabande> "Do we know if the Power of Double Meanings will be present? We believe she could trivially define her purposes to be the purposes of a Noble, and therefore maximally noble."
<Nomen> "Right. We can use Plan Moon Landing Mark Four on her"
<Sarabande> ((HG: hope you're OK with me casually inventing people like that :-P ))
<Nomen> (PLan Moon Landing is evolving!)
<Darryl Collins> "Perhaps a different angle of attack, then?"
<Nomen> "Only owners of a moon may buy?"
<Nomen> "valid upon presenting your moon obviously"
- Darryl Collins shakes his head, sighing at the dragon.
<Vauncey> "Technically, the moon belongs to the revenue office. Though we /are/ acting on its behalf."
<Darryl Collins> "A curse or geasa which is insufficiently poetic will naturally backfire."
<Darryl Collins> "Read your employee's handbook, will you?"
<Nomen> "I used that to test Plan Tree Landing"
<Nomen> "By which I mean, I paid for it to be reverted into a tree. Can't go wasting paper like that"
<Nomen> "Sadly, despite my very clear instructions as to where the tree should appear, it didn't have the wanted effect"
<Darryl Collins> "Hm. Very well, Sarabande, absolutes are perhaps too subject to attack by miraculous forces."
<Darryl Collins> "More effective, then, might be a requirement that the purchasers satisfy some impartial judge that their purpose for each item is greater than others."
<Darryl Collins> "Since our purpose would always be vaunted omniculture, how can we fail?"
<Nomen> "I wanna try to strike a hole in that plan, but I on't know those words"
<Darryl Collins> "Then you agree! Fabulous. It but follows that I must procure a wise and potent arbiter for this geasa."
<Sarabande> "One who believes a general good can be better than a specific use for a specific item."
<Nomen> "Is that better than Faulted Omni Cult Vulture?"
<Darryl Collins> "Mmm. Immanuel Kant?"
<Hollyhock God> Hm, taxes plus curses. This can only make your popularity soar!
<Nomen> Well, I guess since noone proposed a better plan in 10 minutes, that's the winner
- Vauncey shrugs. "Who better to redistribute contraband than the taxman?"
<Darryl Collins> "…do you mean yourself, or… a… mythical figure? Or just selected randomly from the rolls of the IRS?"
<Sarabande> "A fence, surely?"
<Sarabande> "Oh, that was a metaphor."
<Hollyhock God> So, you plan to curse the booty. In person, I assume?
<Hollyhock God> In fact I guess you more or less have to be there.
<Nomen> We need to defend ourselves
<Nomen> Lewt's go with Plan Moon Landing Extra Level Up 6
<Darryl Collins> Yes, I do believe we will have to attend this auction.
<Nomen> We need to ue some of that acquiring budget to fill the moon with weapons
<Nomen> Someoneon another channel gave me the idea of railgun ninja stars
<Nomen> Which are appropriate cuase we have a ninja moon firing ninja starts
<Nomen> I'm gonna make the moon Darker which makes it ninja!
<Darryl Collins> "How did the dragon even FIND that many kegs of tequila?"
<Darryl Collins> "Do we have a tequila vault?"
<Nomen> "As a dragon I'm supposed to have treasures that adventures want"
<Nomen> "Recently, the feminist movement led to an increase in women adventures"
<Nomen> "Women like tequila"
<Nomen> "As a dragon who is to dragons what bears are to man, I can have TEQUILAAA"
<Nomen> (that ALMOST makes sense)
<Nomen> "Aniway let's go. I promise I won't crasjh the moon"
<Hollyhock God> This will clearly be a most dignified affair.
<Hollyhock God> You arrive at the mystical forest, where the Robbers are throwing a hoedown.
<Hollyhock God> This appears to be their idea of fun.
- Darryl Collins adjusts his parrot mask.
- Nomen looks for No Smoking signs
- Sarabande wears a very large number of very small bow ties.
<Vauncey> I am not entirely sure how hoedowns work. Can I establish dominance with a hoedown-off?
<Sarabande> (hoe in snout to assert dominance)
<Hollyhock God> Mostly you need to be able to dosey-do.
<Hollyhock God> Oh, hey, there's Fand.
<Vauncey> This explains nothing!
<Hollyhock God> Oh, wait, you've never met her.
- Darryl Collins enthusiastically joins the hoedown.
<Vauncey> Is she a Robber or an attendant?
<Hollyhock God> She appears to be here to purchase.
<Hollyhock God> She also appears to have something against you! I am not sure what.
- Vauncey saunters up to the robbers, exchanges a silent look of understanding between men of dance, and then joins in, doseying a do that will echo down through the ages.
<Nomen> Wait shit. Fand served Dragon meat. Well she didn't. Nomen hids behind Sarabande
<Vauncey> (Showing Others a Good Time +5 from aspect)
<Vauncey> (isn't sarabande a lot bigger and also porous)
<Vauncey> (er, a lot smaller)
- Sarabande dances!
<Sarabande> Bees are good at dancing!
<Nomen> !!! hides behind Darryl instead
<Nomen> (I'm "Cool" I can uignore an Obstacle like "Hiding behind something much smaller than me")
<Hollyhock God> "O-ho," says the chief Robber, possibly smiling. She is a tall and willowy woman in violet robes and a birdlike domino mask.
<Hollyhock God> She challenges Vauncey to a dance-off!
<Hollyhock God> This is her entry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkNV-0O1ya8
<Nomen> (Go with "Cant Touch This" im front of the loot pile that belongs to us)
<Nomen> (screw it, i'll do it myself"
<Darryl Collins> ((There's no loot pile, you realize. You didn't see a loot pile.))
- Nomen dances "Cant Touch This" in front of the loot pile
<Nomen> (Why not?)
<Nomen> (Oh shit)
<Nomen> (I totallyr ead that as "does see")
<Nomen> (OH well whatever. He dances it in front of Fand insteaD)
<Vauncey> "Ah a woman after my own heart!" Vauncey nods approvingly while watching the woman dance, and then takes a step back and improvises a fusion of several dozen folk dances, including a few from cultures that no longer ever existed. His limbs move with a frantic, stuttering agility, a visual personification of a drumbeat. Finally, at the apex of his dance, he throws out a pose and stops
<Vauncey> abruptly, and a shockwave pulses through the air, rustling the trees and sending down a gentle cascade of autumn leaves.
<Vauncey> (Same roll as before, I guess. If I can spin this as "showing others a good time" I can get up to a 7 with aspect miracles)
<Hollyhock God> "I am forced to concede," agrees the woman, and picks the winner's pocket, as is their custom.
<Vauncey> «ooc: ALso I googled "hoedown" and found this: http://janbrett.com/images/hoedown_dillo_coloring_page.gif Let's appreciate this image. »
- Vauncey 's pocket contains a paisley handkerchief and a ticket for that cave opera.
- Vauncey has not worn these pants in a while, clearly.
<Hollyhock God> Fair enough!
<Hollyhock God> Anyway, auction time!
<Vauncey> (Did we have a plan for how we were actually going to enact those rules)
<Hollyhock God> The Robber baroness takes her position at the gavel as the buyers cluster around the seats.
<Hollyhock God> A lot of your assets are here. I mean, friends. A lot of your friends are here.
<Hollyhock God> You can tell me who some of them are if you like.
<Hollyhock God> Anyway, the Baroness welcomes you all.
<Hollyhock God> "I'd like to thank you all for coming. As you know, we're one of the older noble orders, but in the past our position has been comparatively minor."
<Hollyhock God> "Lately, we've been stepping up our operations and stealing all kinds of good shit."
<Hollyhock God> "Lately the moon was also exploded by tax collectors."
<Hollyhock God> "That's no coincidence!"
- Darryl Collins appears taken aback.
<Nomen> "It didn't explode!"
<Hollyhock God> "The tax dragon is technically correct. The best kind of correct."
<Nomen> "Black holes don't explode things. You might say they do just the reverse"
<Sarabande> "They are in fact the product of /precisely/ the reverse."
<Hollyhock God> "Anyway! In view of these fiscal abuses, the Robber's Order has taken it upon ourselves to demonstrate how to painlessly collect assets for the good of all, and also to do it with the flair to which you have all become accustomed!"
<Sarabande> (Sarabande knows a bit of astrophysics. Obviously.)
<Hollyhock God> "We therefore ask that you support the Robber's Order in our bid to become the official tax collectors for the Society of Flowers!"
<Hollyhock God> "We also ask that you start the bidding for this lovely sword, previously owned by King Arthur, at three million buddhitanka."
<Darryl Collins> "Well, now, hold on a moment."
<Nomen> "Ah is that so? I have counter evidence to present towards the accusations of fiscal abuse. By which I mean OBJECTIOOOOOOOOOOON"
- Darryl Collins smiles and gives a great shrug.
- Nomen grabs the acutioner hammer and hammers it like a galve. ALso roars some fire
<Hollyhock God> "Did I hear the dragon bid? Can I get four million?"
- Vauncey leans back in his seat. Might as well see where this is going.
<Nomen> "…Would you be willing to accept four million Lunar rocks?"
<Hollyhock God> "Nope!"
<Hollyhock God> The crowd, sensing Nomen's discomfort, declines to bid.
<Hollyhock God> "Going once!"
<Darryl Collins> "While I certainly can't speak as to your qualifications to distribute these items for 'the good of all', I'm not at all sure you can either."
<Darryl Collins> "To that end, I would propose a little addition to this auction."
<Nomen> (surprisingly, I'm actually helping. I mean, the plan where noone else bids is working!)
<Darryl Collins> "Let the one who enjoys ownership of each item you propose for auction also be the one whom has, for its use, the intent to put it to the best purpose."
<Nomen> "Wait, can this complicated stuff get done AFTER I get my…eeerm sword? Ooh nice, I'm getting the sword!"
- Sarabande facepalms.
<Sarabande> All of us.
<Sarabande> At once.
<Nomen> "Like, youi know I have LITERALLY no intent to put it towards any good purpose"
<Darryl Collins> "…and let those who would hold them for lesser purposes enjoy their relatively ill-gotten gains in the knowledge that it shall mean great ill for them."
<Nomen> "Come ooon. I'll even apologize for destroying the regulations book. All those times"
<Darryl Collins> ((I wish to spend 4 PMP to cast a Greater Binding which judges all those who purchase from the Robber's Order according to the great wisdom of spectrial Thomas Hobbes))
<Sarabande> the facepalm sends a ripple of Cooperation out into the world, making these two entirely separate stratagems into coherent parts of a single Cooperation.
<Sarabande> (that's the things Nomen says and the things Darryl says)
<Hollyhock God> Sarabande: …how, exactly?
<Sarabande> that is a good question
<Hollyhock God> Darryl: …how, exactly?
<Hollyhock God> How does that relate to audits?
<Nomen> "In that case. I'm….eeerm…gonna use Excalibur to…put the moon back where it was?"
<Vauncey> While the others are hashing out the details, Vauncey takes the liberty of appending a small taxable excise — say, 100% — from the proceeds of the auction, as well as imbuing it with self-determination so that it collects itself and moves the proceeds into the vaults.
<Sarabande> Persona miracle, I think: Cooperation is better than working alone. I enchant the fact that they're both saying those things at the same time, such that it is better than saying them separately.
<Sarabande> That's 4 PMP.
<Vauncey> (Greater Creation/Summoning/Animation of Taxes, +4 doing what seems right at the time bond if I can swing it. 4 DMP)
<Vauncey> (Hoping to make this somewhat subtle until its effects manifest.)
<Hollyhock God> Vauncey: That makes sense.
<Darryl Collins> ((He audits each purchase for maximal utility! Since the Robber said that these taxes are to go for the greater good, each transaction is merely being audited according to a somewhat odd process. And, of course, failing an audit means that something bad happens.))
<Hollyhock God> Sarabande: What I really mean is that I'm looking for some idea of how this will work in practice.
<Hollyhock God> Oh, okay, so Darryl is performing a morals audit on each transaction.
<Darryl Collins> Yes
<Nomen> "I don't wanna get cursed. I'm pretty sure my name wasn't Fafnir X_X"
<Sarabande> ah :-)
<Sarabande> hmm, I think it probably works by distracting the people we're arguing with.
<Hollyhock God> "I object," says a handsome man in the second row. "As the Devil, it wouldn't be in the common good for me to act towards the common good! That's paradoxical."
<Sarabande> Every time they're about to counter one point, their counter is walking right into the angle of attack of the other speaker!
<Hollyhock God> Sarabande: Okay, that makes sense.
<Hollyhock God> If nothing else it will help Vauncey get away with his egregious bullshit.
<Nomen> "I'm a Dragon! If the parakeet won't flamespit, you must acquit!"
<Vauncey> (+2 Egregious Bullshit)
<Nomen> "What do you say to that Mr. Devil?"
<Nomen> (At this point, I'm going intoi bullshitting too)
<Vauncey> "Ah, speak of the Devil! That reminds me, I think I still have your handkerchief from before." He dips a hand into his pocket, then his other pocket, then his jacket pockets. "Ah— it must be in my other pants."
<Hollyhock God> "This is egregious bullshit," cries Lucifer. "I say we string 'em up!"
- Vauncey shoots the devil an apologetic look.
<Hollyhock God> "Me?" asks the Robber baroness. The Devil clarifies that no, he meant the other robbers.
<Hollyhock God> Ie, you.
<Hollyhock God> "Yeah!" cries the crowd.
<Nomen> (wuiat, I need to go get food. Brb)
<Hollyhock God> They use their godlike powers to summon pitchforks and flaming torches, because some things are traditional.
<Hollyhock God> "Get the tax-men! And their dragon!"
<Darryl Collins> "Am I to understand that none of you believe yourselves able to contribute in superior fashion to the common good?"
<Hollyhock God> "I think he thinks he's better than us," says the Devil sweetly.
<Hollyhock God> The crowd is whipped into a frenzy!
<Hollyhock God> The crowd attacks!
<Sarabande> Bees are very difficult to catch! Powers who are swarms of bees with an Aspect score even more so.
<Darryl Collins> Hm. This is not exactly optimal.
- Vauncey holds out a hand to stay the devil. "Ah — excuse me a minute, I need to deal with this." He leaps a row of seats to emerge at the front and turns to face the angry mob. "Excuse me! A moment, if I may?" He ducks a thrown beer bottle (it was empty). "Ah— quite uncooperative."
<Hollyhock God> The crowd of angry gods billows like the wrath of… um… an angry god.
<Hollyhock God> In the darkness they seem to merge into a single shadowy shape.
<Darryl Collins> I'm somewhat of the opinion that we may have fallen for something again.
<Hollyhock God> The torchlights fail to a bleached white as the mob opens its two yellow eyes.
<Sarabande> they appear to be cooperating!
<Sarabande> I cannot think of any reason why this might have happened.
<Hollyhock God> YOUR FINAL AUDIT BEGINS NOW, says the cloud of crowd.
- Vauncey jabs a finger at the mob. "You know what, you louts, I /am/ better than you, but I don't care to make a big deal out of it."
<Hollyhock God> YOU HAVE DESTROYED PALACES.
<Darryl Collins> "We haven't actually."
<Hollyhock God> YOU HAVE DISTURBED THE WORK OF THE SAINTS.
<Vauncey> "How many of you had your things stolen by these thieves? And they use it to bankroll their operation! Do you really think you'll have a better time of it with them in charge?"
- Vauncey shakes his head sadly.
<Hollyhock God> YOU HAVE STOLEN THE MOON. SERIOUSLY EVEN YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO ADMIT THAT WAS RIDICULOUS.
<Darryl Collins> "…yes, that wasn't our brightest moment."
<Darryl Collins> "But we did put in a stopgap!"
<Hollyhock God> NOT REALLY SPEAKING ON BEHALF OF THIS ANGRY MOB, SORRY. JUST USING THEM AS THE VEHICLE OF JUDGMENT.
<Vauncey> "Okay, we are looking into that. These things take time!"
<Darryl Collins> "There is a *process*."
<Hollyhock God> ANYWAY, AFTER EXHAUSTIVE AUDITING, I HAVE DETERMINED THAT YOUR VALUE TO CREATION IS LESS THAN ZERO.
<Hollyhock God> EXCEPT FOR THE BEES. THE BEES ARE JUST ABOVE ZERO AND MAY LIVE.
<Hollyhock God> I MEAN, THEY WON'T DIE RIGHT NOW. OBVIOUSLY NOTHING LIVES IN THE INFINITY SENSE.
<Darryl Collins> "Wait, which ranking process did you use?"
<Hollyhock God> BUT ENOUGH OF THIS TALK. HAVE AT YOU!
<Darryl Collins> Okay, but before they attack I demand of my estate to know whether they used an approved and comprehensive auditing process.
<Hollyhock God> Nearby trees twist their limbs and roots to entangle you!
<Hollyhock God> …hm, yes, their process seems thorough to your eyes.
<Hollyhock God> You have been impartially singled out for death!
<Vauncey> (You could de-approve it, I guess.)
<Darryl Collins> I dunno. If it fits the regulations I'm required to approve of it in a moral sense.
<Sarabande> … are they legitimate authorities?
<Sarabande> Because we must cooperate with legitimate authorities.
<Sarabande> (That's our internal plural we, not the Familia we. ;-) )
<Darryl Collins> What's the process for determining legitimacy of authorities?
<Sarabande> actually yeah
<Sarabande> "From where do you derive that authority?" Sarabande asks.
<Sarabande> (while dodging)
<Hollyhock God> I'M NOT GOING TO EXPLAIN MYSELF IN WAYS YOU CAN EXPLOIT VIA METAPHYSICAL BULLSHIT.
- Vauncey looks down at the trees and roots entangling him. Probably he should do something about that. He takes a flask out of his inner coat pocket and takes a swig from it.
<Hollyhock God> THIS IS NOT A COMIC BOOK.
<Hollyhock God> There is a sizzling noise.
<Darryl Collins> Well this isn't going to do at all.
<Hollyhock God> Vauncey's keen nose alerts him to danger before he completes the swig.
<Hollyhock God> Instead he tosses the liquid away, where it melts into the ground.
<Sarabande> "We really must insist, we do not know if we need to submit to your authority or not."
<Hollyhock God> And then, explodes!
<Hollyhock God> YOU TOTALLY NEED TO SUBMIT TO MY AUTHORITY AND HELP ME KILL YOUR FRIENDS.
- Sarabande sighs a swarmy sigh and replies, "I'm afraid that is not a compelling argument."
<Hollyhock God> The cloud of darkness shines with the unlight of inevitability!
<Hollyhock God> It's like, the only ultimate reality, or something.
- Sarabande examines the cloud to identify stingable components!
- Darryl Collins reaches with his un-engangled hand to the clasp of his briefcase and opens it.
<Hollyhock God> Isn't that official?
- Vauncey is blown back with tremendous force, ripping the trees and roots entangling him up and knocking him straight out of his shoes, which is a shame, because they're pretty nice shoes. He crashes into the ground in a cloud of dust, surely dead because no one could survive that, but then OH MY GOD he gets up no one could have predicted this!
<Vauncey> (Jacking myself up to Aspect 6 with 4 AMP and sustaining for now.)
<Sarabande> hmm. I think in the world of the Nobilis, being inevitable and the only reality is not the same as being /in charge./
<Hollyhock God> What? How is Vauncey still alive!
<Hollyhock God> The briefcase contains a ticking time bomb.
<Hollyhock God> The cloud is laced with poisoned spikes!
<Sarabande> It's like a swarm of bees, but without all the bits that aren't stings!
<Darryl Collins> "Hm. There shouldn't be a ticking time bomb in here."
- Vauncey grabs the entangling roots and uses them to rip up the trees, swinging them around like a flail and throwing them at the mob creature. He seems unhappy about the thing with the flask. "If it's physical bullshit you're after, sir—!"
<Hollyhock God> Your amazing sense of bee-smell tells you that the poison is one of several insecticides thought to be responsible for colony collapse!
<Sarabande> HOLD ON JUST ONE MOMENT
<Sarabande> WE RECOGNISE THIS GAMBIT
<Hollyhock God> The skin on Vauncey's palms starts to burn! I think the tree may also have been poisoned.
- Sarabande declares loudly.
<Sarabande> "WE THINK YOU ARE JUST APPEARING AS OUR WORST FEARS AGAIN!"
<Hollyhock God> NO. I AM JUST BEING THOUGHTFUL.
<Sarabande> "YOU DID THAT BEFORE AND WE REALLY MUST PROTEST AT THIS LACK OF CREATIVITY"
<Hollyhock God> The cloud eats Sarabande.
<Hollyhock God> Well, some of her.
<Sarabande> Dodging as best we can with our spectacular dodgingness?
<Darryl Collins> "But that's alright because I actually wanted to activate this battle-stopping time-warping device which is also in my briefcase."
<Sarabande> The bees consumed attempt to find something to sting in their last moments.
<Hollyhock God> Sarabande dodges, but exactly 1% of your bees are snuffed out like candleflames.
<Sarabande> oh no!
<Hollyhock God> They sting one, and then fall to the ground, unharmed except for being dead.
<Hollyhock God> That hurt. You're pretty sure they're actually dead!
<Hollyhock God> So, I guess that's a trivial wound or some such.
- Vauncey wipes his palms on his pants. It's a shame, these pants are expensive.
<Sarabande> Seems reasonable to me!
<Nomen> "This just HAD to happen when I promised not to crash the moon"
<Darryl Collins> ((I want to try a level 6 treasure miracle to have the contents of my briefcase stop this fight so that we can conduct an audit of this authority))
<Hollyhock God> Your battle-stopping time-warping device is *also* a ticking time bomb.
<Hollyhock God> That is really annoying.
<Darryl Collins> "Well, nothing's ever really perfect.'
<Hollyhock God> Kaboom!
<Vauncey> I suppose it's okay if it's a time bomb as long as it also warps time.
<Hollyhock God> Now your arm is off, and time is slightly stopped.
<Nomen> I move the moon back to it's place ion the sky by a Movement of Night
<Vauncey> Is the black hole still there?
<Hollyhock God> That's going to be a Greater miracle.
<Vauncey> You may want to get rid of it too.
<Vauncey> Also, nuts.
<Vauncey> I really did want to make a dyson sphere out of beeswax.
<Nomen> Uuuh, I don't have the MP to ALSo get rid of the blackhole
<Vauncey> Proably it's best if we hang onto the moon, then.
<Vauncey> We might need it later!
<Nomen> Well, in that case I'm gonna break a bond, and move the Moon, some several kilometers straight up of the thing
<Vauncey> Probably I should put up the Auctoritas Magister at this point, even if I can only do it at 1 point. Does that count as an action to sustain?
<Nomen> STILL in the atmosphere
- Darryl Collins pats the place where his arm used to be and sighs, shaking his head. Then he brightens somewhat.
<Nomen> And just let it fall
<Hollyhock God> Vauncey: Yes, it does.
<Vauncey> Better not for now, then.
<Darryl Collins> "Gentlemen, look! I've been disarmed!"
<Hollyhock God> Break a bond how?
<Vauncey> Might be wise for darryl tho!
<Nomen> I kinda promised NOT to crash the moon so I'm lying. That's a Serious WOund
<Darryl Collins> Well, I could put up a fairly powerful Auctoritas, yes.
<Darryl Collins> But then how will I conduct this audit into the authority of the thing talking to us?
<Hollyhock God> Very well.
<Nomen> When in doubt, resort to things your HG never said you couldn't do
<Nomen> Is that Greatoer MOtion?
<Nomen> So, all 5 of my DMP
<Hollyhock God> Nomen transports the vast chunks of moon just over South Dakota.
<Hollyhock God> Then, they fall!
<Hollyhock God> Death and destruction reign over all!
<Nomen> "Watch out.! PLAN MOON LANDING IS A GO!"
- Vauncey grabs bits of the moon as they fall and throws them at the cloud monster.
- Vauncey is helping!
<Nomen> "ONE SMALL MIRACLE OFR A DRAGON. ONE LARGE FALL FOR A MOON!"
<Hollyhock God> They're falling a bit hard to grab without using a miracle!
<Sarabande> "oh for bzrb's sake"
<Sarabande> (bzrb is the strongest bee profanity)
<Vauncey> (I'm still sustaining the Aspect 6, I think?)
<Hollyhock God> This is basically the equivalent of dropping meteors on people from orbit.
<Darryl Collins> "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO AN AUDIT LIKE THIS?!"
<Hollyhock God> That was for something different, though!
<Nomen> "Audit how destroyed this thing is going to get!"
<Nomen> "And make it VERY DESTROYED"
<Vauncey> (Ahh, I didn't know it had to be for a specific thing. In that case I guess I'm not sustaining it! Hm, give me a minute to review.)
<Hollyhock God> You can't just sustain "be superhuman," your miracles have to have an intent behind them. It can be a long and complex intent, though.
<Nomen> "I don't mean the moon by the way"
<Vauncey> Ah, hrm
<Vauncey> can I just make the intent "fight this giant cloud monster"
<Hollyhock God> That works.
<Vauncey> that is mostly what I am going for right now
<Vauncey> OK! I am throwing pieces of the moon at the cloud monster to fight it, then
<Hollyhock God> THIS REALLY JUST KIND OF PROVES MY POINT, says the cloud monster. ONLY NOW I HAVE TO GO. I AM GOING TO KILL YOU LATER ON VIA A MORE CIRCUITOUS ROUTE.
<Hollyhock God> DO US ALL A FAVOR AND SAVE ME SOME TIME BY JUMPING OFF THE ASH.
- Vauncey lets the cloud monster have the last word, because he knows he is the bigger man. I mean, metaphorically.
<Hollyhock God> The black cloud disperses! …for some reason.
<Vauncey> Do the people come back?
<Hollyhock God> They do!
- Sarabande performs the Dance of Farewell (variants Enemy, Large, Potentially Technically Someone We Should Defer To But This Was Not Satisfactorily Demonstrated)
<Sarabande> this is a dance known to all hives
<Hollyhock God> Then they are hit by moon chunks, as is most of South Dakota.
<Nomen> "Well, we lived to destroy another day. I say that is almost a victory"
<Hollyhock God> Many deaths!
<Darryl Collins> "…"
<Sarabande> and performed more often than one might think!
<Vauncey> Should we do something about that? I'm a little tapped.
<Nomen> Did I get MP from breaking my Bond?
<Vauncey> They're mostly gods, I feel like they should be able to deal with the moon falling on them. This isn't a nanny state!
<Hollyhock God> No, you get hurt by breaking Bonds.
<Hollyhock God> You get MP when following them causes trouble!
<Nomen> Book says "you almost certanly get MP for breaking a bond too."
<Hollyhock God> Well, there are a lot of humans in South Dakota.
<Hollyhock God> Oh. Well, fine then, have an MP.
<Hollyhock God> Possibly slightly fewer humans now.
<Vauncey> Oh, right.
<Nomen> My Bond is rated 2
<Darryl Collins> I suppose I could attempt to use an enchantment to make these into auditing meteors which simply check to see whether people are alive and thereafter give them useful inspiration?
<Hollyhock God> Fine, 2! But you take a terrible wound!
<Vauncey> Nah, forget it
<Hollyhock God> Now your voice sounds like whatever you dislike most!
<Vauncey> let's just go to the underworld later and barter for people's souls to reincarnate them
<Hollyhock God> This is your punishment for telling lies.
<Darryl Collins> I'm concerned that the underworld might not like us either.
<Darryl Collins> We're not, you know, popular.
<Nomen> I use a Lesser Motion of Night to move the NIght of North Dakota mortals to somehwere the moon didn't crash
<Vauncey> But we've killed so many people!
<Nomen> just mortals, all the gods can deal with their own problems
<Hollyhock God> Meanwhile, while you are arguing and moving people the Robber baroness streaks across the sky like violet lightning, grabbing bits of moon.
<Nomen> (this is the part where I'm banned from the game)
<Hollyhock God> And stuffing them into her purse!
<Nomen> Wait, do I succed in saving the mortals?
<Hollyhock God> Well, you succeed in moving them. I guess most of the rocks never wind up striking Earth.
<Darryl Collins> "I have no further interest in stopping the Robber."
<Hollyhock God> The baroness touches down, lightly, patting her bulging purse.
- Nomen speaks, with the voice of Power of Tax Evasion
<Nomen> "Well, my momma always said. The world is full of prolblems, but this one ain't mine"
<Darryl Collins> "Is that so?"
<Hollyhock God> "I will now begin taking opening bids for… the moon!"
<Nomen> "Eh, you cna keep it. We're making a more bitching one"
<Nomen> "by which I mean, everyone else wjho is not us or the mortals"
<Darryl Collins> "Well, I'm not bidding on the moon. It's pretty clear that we'd just drop it on a populated area and thereafter I would be cursed."
<Hollyhock God> "(said moon may be slightly damaged and the Robber's Order makes no warranty of quality)"
<Vauncey> Hm. Is the tax thing I did earlier still up?
<Nomen> "Eeerm, as in what's my propblem"
<Hollyhock God> Vauncey: Well, yes, it is.
<Vauncey> I'm OK with this, then.
<Nomen> "I'd never drop the Moon in a populated area. I like mortals!"
<Vauncey> Good luck with the moon-selling.
<Hollyhock God> Many gods begin bidding gleefully!
<Vauncey> See, it's fine.
<Vauncey> People make too big a deal out of things.
<Hollyhock God> It's clearly going to be a successful auction, especially now that they've forgotten to be mad at you.
<Nomen> "I even managed to save them today!"
<Nomen> "And now I must speak with this voice.For now"
<Darryl Collins> I only hope too many gods don't end up cursed!
<Hollyhock God> I guess being used to incarnate a weird shadow beast used up their mob instinct.
<Hollyhock God> I dunno what all that was about.
<Vauncey> That shadow beast is a dick.
- You are now known as RandBrittain
- Nomen is now known as DukeGod
<Vauncey> You can't just say you're in charge without showing proper documentation!
<Vauncey> That's totally improper.
- Vauncey is now known as Gayo
- Darryl Collins is now known as Rimblade
<RandBrittain> Anyway, you are now intensely full of taxes, I guess.
<DukeGod> So, actual question
<Gayo> OK, excellent
<RandBrittain> And have even fewer friends than before.
<DukeGod> Does the way I play make it less fun?
- Sarabande is now known as MorkaisChosen
<MorkaisChosen> what the everloving fuck just happened :-D
<RandBrittain> I presume if people didn't like it they'd lock you in a box or something.
<Gayo> Duke: Well, there is a BIT more exploding than I was expecting going into things, but tbh, this game is totally bonkers
<MorkaisChosen> (I think I might do more if I was playing a slightly less… cautiously moral character)
<Gayo> so I don't think it matters that much
<MorkaisChosen> (but I'm enjoying watching the disasters :-P )
<Rimblade> I have to admit that at this point I think Darryl either has to break several Bonds or initiate an internal audit, though.
<DukeGod> I ask cause I ended at least one game playing like this
<RandBrittain> It's not like anybody else is actually MORE moral than Nomen, they just blow things up less.
<Gayo> Darryl is actually probably the strongest, he just needs to spread his wings!
<DukeGod> It was an EXALTED game which made it all the more amazing
<Gayo> Also hrm
<Gayo> Duke: I wouldn't do it in less zany games, admittedly
<Gayo> but for nobilis, whatever
<Gayo> this is totally nuts anyway
<Rimblade> Those were serious allegations! They require investigation!
<Gayo> Does the fact that Darryl's arm exploded cause trouble?
<RandBrittain> I did kind of start this hoping to steer the game away from "everybody sits at tea parties, all day erryday" but it's going a bit overboard.
<RandBrittain> None of you have any actual friends!
<MorkaisChosen> I have no idea who /made/ the allegations. If I did I might have to cooperate. :-P
<RandBrittain> Gayo: He can just stick a new one on or something. It's a serious wound.
<Rimblade> True, but the source of the allegations was obviously divine.
<RandBrittain> Maybe you should invent some friends so you can interact with people who don't want to kill you.
<Rimblade> And Darryl IS required to investigate accusations of divine wrongdoing.
<MorkaisChosen> Yeah, your one hits.
<MorkaisChosen> RandBrittain: I'll think about it. :-)
<DukeGod> Nomen would be friends with the DEvil. If the Devil wasn't such a goody two shoes
<Gayo> I may have to initiate some kind of PR project here.
<MorkaisChosen> Double making sureness: I am in a field next weekend; I will not be here, as William the Enchanter does not have access to computers :-P
<Gayo> We made a ton of tax money from that, we should start giving back to the community!
<Rimblade> But we have to fund our horticulture!
<Rimblade> And apiculture!
<Rimblade> We don't have money for just culture!
<MorkaisChosen> There was a swanky party with a giant ape
<MorkaisChosen> if that ain't apiculture I don't know what is
<Gayo> Rimblade: I'm sure we can afford a bit! We made all kinds of money here
<Gayo> besides, if we don't improve our reputation then someone else will get our job! and look at these clowns, they will clearly do a worse job.
<MorkaisChosen> definitely worse
<Gayo> it's politics!
<MorkaisChosen> why, the number of Powers of Taxes involved will be reduced by 100%!
<Rimblade> Hmm. Maybe, but I still think this requires an internal investigation.
<DukeGod> We need to find a good nice tax evader
<DukeGod> So we're justified in beating them
<MorkaisChosen> Rimblade: Agreed, yeah :-)
<Rimblade> But I think Darryl would have a conflict of interest.
<MorkaisChosen> I'm hearing AUDITS QUEST
<Rimblade> So he'll need to choose a neutral process auditor and invest them with divine power.
<MorkaisChosen> find an auditor of sufficient skill and neutrality to audit AUDITS HIMSELF
<Rimblade> Maybe Sarabande can find such a soul.
<DukeGod> It's probably a bumblebee
<Rimblade> You just need a skillful auditor who will totally cooperate with the project of auditing us.
<DukeGod> Hey! Did I win the bid for excalibur?
<Gayo> Oh yeah, /did/ we manage to buy anything?
<RandBrittain> Do you actually have three million udi?
<DukeGod> Do we really neeed to?
<DukeGod> Seeing as it's gonna go back to our coffers?
<Rimblade> Yes, otherwise how will you pay her.
<DukeGod> Well time was paused for a second there
<DukeGod> I could've paid in the paused second which was the past and then the money returns in the future past
<Gayo> Rand: Well, we could write a check and then take back the entire cost of the check in time for it to cash
<Rimblade> I feel like this might be why we have no friends, though.
<DukeGod> I mean, when is the time that is when time is paused in relation to actual time?
<Gayo> can you win an auction while time is stopped?
<Gayo> these are the big questions.
<DukeGod> Maybe, if time is stopped we are in the oprimal time which is every time
<DukeGod> That'd make the payment of the three million we did not have except when we do when we get it from our own payment, a stable time loop
<DukeGod> Those are good for time
<Rimblade> We could make the money by copying computer programs from floppy discs to other floppy discs and then selling them
<RandBrittain> Don't copy that floppy.
<Rimblade> What? Why?
<DukeGod> This is why I don't play abstract Estates. IT ends badly
<DukeGod> I mean, just imagine if Nomen was the Power of Time
<MorkaisChosen> I don't feel I've done any exciting abuses of my Estate.
<MorkaisChosen> Possibly because the obvious when-all-you-have-is-a-hammer one is ridiculous. :-P
<Rimblade> I think I've probably used far too many Greater Bindings
<Rimblade> But I'm going to keep using them!
<MorkaisChosen> night, all!
<Rimblade> Good night!
<DukeGod> Good Night!
<DukeGod> I can saty that more than anyone yay
<Gayo> It's hard to abuse Taxes without feeling like you're overdoing it
<Gayo> It may be time to bid farewell to dignity and just do bullshit, though.