The HG Swears Off Undertale References

Unit 196-89, Floor 196, Sky City 1000
Sea City, Locus Apepi
November 12, 2016
7:27 AM PST

“So then. Now that I have coffee, time to address the issue at hand. Gadgeteer is usually the one smart enough to figure out a plan, and Feeney is the one with the resources. Ivee, you're still pretty new but you're proving to be our information woman, especially since Feeney remembers reading that book like a sieve holds water. Right now you're telling me, the straight man, that Gadgeteer has no plan, Feeney has no cure stashed in the back of his shop, and Ivee is our only hope. Throw me a bone here, what do we have?”Alex asked.

“Mistletoe.” Ivee told him.

“Riiiiiight.” Alex said, and took a big swig of coffee.

“It is special mistletoe.” Ivee added.

“Really? Can it be easily acquired?” Alex asked.

“From the North Pole, yes.” Ivee explained.

“You're going to tell me Santa is real aren't you?” Alex responded, raising an eyebrow.

“Niall, Lord of Days is the Power responsible for Christmas, in the absence of an actual Estate for the holiday.” Ivee answered. “He is, for lack of a better understanding, essentially Santa Claus.”

“He's what?! Forget it! I'll stick with the woodland creatures!” Gadgeteer said.

“…hmm. First question. Why is Gadgeteer afraid of Santa?” Alex asked. “Most kids love the guy!”

“Um, you do realize that in Kidpunk, Christmas was a way to keep Kids oppressed? Santa was a fictional character invented by the Exiled Little People Hegemony, who created the XMAS artificial intelligence to fill Santa's role as an all-seeing, all-knowing being with the power to give and take away a Kid's toys!” Gadgeteer explained, angry and scared.

“That's surprisingly dark for a world based on a Cartoon Network show that wasn't on Adult Swim.” Alex commented. “Second question. This isn't Kidpunk, so why are you scared of the guy?”

“I spent my whole existence fighting for what I believed in, despite the protests of authority. Santa is the ultimate authority! He sees every thing you've ever done, and you get put on the Naughty list not because you're bad, but because you question authority! In Kidpunk it was for resisting the Adult Empire, out here in Creation it's for refusing to bow down before oppressors.”

“Hum. You never watched the Codename: Kids Next Door Christmas special? I guess there are some differences in how the two pieces of fiction work…” Alex realised. “So you're worried he'll view you as Naughty for sticking it to The Man? You're the demigod of Play! What's he going to do? Give you a lump of coal?”

“Niall is known for being somewhat abrasive towards those he deems Naughty. One does not want to be on the bad side of someone who can make every day a bad one.” Ivee pointed out.

“…forget I asked. Third question. How are we going to make it to the North Pole? My jet isn't equipped for snow landings, and- Oh, Jesus Christ, you guys want me to jump out of an airplane!” Alex groaned. “Aw hell no! Find another way!”

“It is your duty.” Ivee pointed out.

“Screw that! I'm not immortal like the rest of you! And skydiving isn't possible with a jet, we all remember when Feeney's parachute got sucked in over Borneo!” Alex told them. “Well, not you Ivee, but I'm sure you can guess how well that went.”

"I think it would be best to drive there." Feeney suggesed. "You do, after all, own a car."

"And if we lose it, you can summon a new one from a video game!" Gadgeteer reminded Alex.

Alex sighed in annoyance, trying to think of a video game item that would let him float down safely. "You have parked your car in spot 89-D on floor P10 of the Sky City 1000 Arcology." Ivee reminded him. "The next ferry to Tsawwassen Ferry Terminal disembarks in 12.7 minutes. We should leave now."

Alex sighed in annoyance, "I have to jump?"

"Huh?" Gadgeteer said. "We were just gonna drive to some place up north and hire a prop plane with landing skis!"

"A routine search of Google reveals there is a plane for hire at the Watson Lake Airport in the Yukon. We can take it to the North Pole if required." Ivee notified them.

"Right… fair enough." Alex sighed again, looking around at his friends. "This is all such a drag, ya'know?"

"The weather report for BC Highway 37 indicates heavy snowfall during the next 24 hours. The fastest route will be via BC Highway 97." Ivee warned, as they headed out the door of the apartment.

"I'll manage just fine. I'll summon up a car from Sleeping Dogs just in case any accidents happen." Alex assured them.

"How would that help, exactly? No, really. I've never played that game." Gadgeteer asked with curiosity.

"Well an off-road SUV would definitely help us, I'd like to think. It isn't even one of my own cars that I bought with money."

Trans-Canada Highway
Hope, British Columbia
November 12, 2016
10:06 AM PST

The SUV pulled up to a long line of cars at the turnoff to Yale. A police officer approached the vehicle and motioned Alex to roll down the window. "You folks heading any farther than Kanaka Bar?" he asked what he assumed was a very oddly-dressed family.

"We're travelling to Watson Lake." Feeney told the RCMP officer.

"You'll want to take Highway 97. There's a 12 car pileup just north of Kanaka Bar. It's going to take a while to get it cleaned up." the officer said, and began directing traffic to get them turned around.

BC Highway 16
Tête Jaune Cache, British Columbia
November 12, 2016
4:38 PM PST

Alex tried to keep his eyes on the road as the last rays of sun disappeared from the sky. At this latitude, the sun set pretty early. Fortunately, Nobilis don't have much trouble with such mortal things as all-nighter driving. As they came to a T-intersection in the road, they found that Highway 16 was blocked by a pickup truck which had hit an unfortunate deer, totalling the car and strewing roadkill across the ground. The only other road was Highway 25, leading back west. Hopefully they could take a detour using it. Ivee was in sleep mode in the front passenger seat, having given Alex directions for a better part of the day.

"Well shit." Alex stared at the truck, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. "Uh…how far are we from our destination?"

"Still another 17 hours, according to my B.O.G.G.L.E.S." Gadgeteer responded. "We're southeast of Watson Lake anyway. and by looking at it, 25 is a paved two-lane major BC highway. I say we take a detour."

BC Highway 25
Locus Writhon
November 12, 2016
4:44 PM PST

As they travelled along BC Highway 25, they noticed that something was odd. There were no other cars on the road, nor were there any tire tracks in the snow. Finally they came to a medium-sized parking lot in front of an expensive-looking hotel, with no lights on. A sign taped on the inside of the door of the hotel proclaimed "Closed for Season" on a piece of laminated mint green construction paper. Strangely, the garage door on the underground parking for staff was left wide-open.

"Strange…but convenient…" Alex said, unbuckling his seatbelt and stepping out of the car.

As the four nobles walked into the underground parking area, they noticed it was oddly dark, but felt non-threatening. As Alex took a step forward, he suddenly tumbled forward and into an abyss.

Alex's eyes widened and quickly created a Miracle, summoning a hookshot into his hand to grapple onto a wall.

"Alex!" Gadgeteer shouted, flying into the darkness on his BAKPAK's blowdryer jets.

Suddenly, the area began to rumble. The garage door slammed shut, locking Feeney and Ivee into the dark area with them, and leaving no light to work with.

A cracking noise was heard, and the hookshot came free of the wall, causing Alex to come crashing down on Gadgeteer and sending them both sprawling downward.

Alex flailed in midair, not very fond of freefalling into what could be a spiky pit of death.

They fell for a few seconds before landing… on something soft? Gadgeteer sat up and spat a flower out of his mouth. An electric light at the roof of the parking garage/cave turned on, casting enough light to tell where they were.

"I've inserted my code into the network governing the ski resort!" Ivee shouted from above. "We will attempt to go for help! Hold on!"

"Eh…er…we're okay…?" Alex looked around, blinking.

"Where are we?" Gadgeteer asked. The doorway nearby, slightly shrouded in darkness, looked familiar.

“That symbol… It couldn't be.” Alex realised. “That's the royal seal from Undertale. How did we end up in the Underground?”

“Strangely enough, my GPS states that we are located at the Mt. Ebott Ski Resort.” Ivee added.

“My BOGGLES say the same thing.” Gadgeteer confirmed. “I don't feel an attack on my estate. What about you guys?”

It was true, there was still no sense that any of their estates had been attacked. The reason for leading them to this place was still a mystery.

Alex was suddenly pushed aside as somebody trapped beneath him shoved him off. “You idiot! What are you doing here?! We were just about to go find you!” the person said. Alex and Gadgeteer stared in shock at what was clearly Asriel Dreemurr. He spat out a buttercup petal and faced them with the kind of courage only a Power could show. The essence of Redemption emanated from him.

“Whose chancel is this?” Gadgeteer asked. “We stumbled on it after our routes to the North Pole kept getting blocked off.”

“This is Locus Writhon.” Asriel explained. “And that's all you're getting from me after you attacked our estates!”

“What?” Alex said. “No we didn't. We've been busy travelling all day! You think this is a good way to treat the Duke of Video Games?”

“I'm the Power of Redemption now, not part of your estate.” Asriel pointed out. “If you're not the ones attacking the estate of Judgement right now, then who is?”

A 'WHAM' was felt as Ivee and Feeney landed roughly in the patch of flowers. “That's the last time I enter a dark room without a flashlight…” Feeney said, standing up.

“Hey, wait a minute! You're Apepi's Powers!” Asriel realised. His eyes went wide, and he ran off through the door to the room.

“What was that about?” Gadgeteer asked. “Should we follow him?”

Ebott City
Locus Writhon
November 12, 2016
5:02 PM PST

The four powers entered the door to find themselves in a huge city beneath Mt. Ebott, much unlike the game that the Chancel was taking inspiration from. The city was abuzz with various creatures both humanoid and non-humanoid going about their business. Obviously Writhon wasn’t so unoriginal to simply copy the Underground wholesale.

A shadowy figure approached them from a nearby alleyway, with an aura of Judgement surrounding him. “Sometimes this job makes you wonder why you keep going… then something like this comes along and you know it’s all worth it.” the figure said, and emerged into the light of a street lamp. Sans didn’t look happy. “The Pawn of Play, huh? You think you can just mess with my estate for the sake of your beliefs? That because it’s fair it’s somehow okay?”

“What? I-” Gadgeteer said, but stopped himself. He had tried to make the world more fair on a regular basis, even if it had nothing to do with Play. Had he inadvertently attacked another estate?

“I’d say kids like you should be burning in Hell on days like this, but we both know Hell wouldn’t take you. You passed them up when you became a Power.” Sans replied. “So let’s make this simple…”

Asriel leaped off a nearby building and landed behind Apepi’s Powers, suddenly transforming into his ‘Ultimate God of Hyperdeath’ form. A nearby manhole cover flew from its spot in the road and clattered onto the pavement nearby. Chara burst from the tunnel and landed in a badass pose with eyes glowing, bearing the True Knife. Chara’s auctoritas was unmistakenly that of the Power of Karma.

“Are you going to come quietly, or do you want to have a bad time?” Sans asked them.

“Where exactly do you plan to take us?” Ivee responded.

“Somewhere that Writhon won’t complain when we kill you because people might get hurt. Our Magister of the Light doesn’t like seeing humans become collateral damage.” Chara explained.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! If you think we’re just going to come quietly and let you kill us, you’ve got another thing coming!” Alex responded. A bone suddenly burst from the ground, stopping just short of his chin.

“Are you sure about that?” Sans said one last time.

“Stop!” Gadgeteer yelled. “I’m sorry for thinking I knew how your estate worked. If I’d known that trying to make things fair would cause you a problem I would have-”

“Wait! Hold on! You’re saying that all you did was…” Asriel asked him.

“Try to make sure things didn’t screw people over that didn’t deserve it?” Gadgeteer said, looking towards Alex. “I didn’t even use any miracles to do it!”

The bone retracted into the ground, and Writhon’s Powers suddenly looked embarassed. “If you weren’t the Powers who were messing with Judgement at the intersection with Highway 16…” Chara wondered, with the creepy smile they normally displayed changing into a frown.

“That wasn’t even an isolated incident. Just the one that happened today. Someone has been messing with our Estates since before those 12 days were sold to the Excrucians.” Asriel explained, returning to his normal form.

Alex turned flush himself at the mention of that. “Yeah, not exactly one of my greatest deals.” he said.

“That was you?” Sans said. “Heh. Can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing if an estate was dying.”

“If your estate is being attacked, then what do we do now?” Feeney asked.

BC Highway 16
Tête Jaune Cache, British Columbia
November 12, 2016
7:22 PM PST

An HVY Brickade from Grand Theft Auto V pulled over to the side of the road on Highway 25 just before the intersection. The 7 Powers of Apepi and Writhon stepped out of the vehicle, and Gadgeteer took to the air with his B.A.K.P.A.K. to view the area. The accident from earlier was now surrounded by police cars, and another vehicle had collided with the one which had hit a deer. A deer which was conspicuously missing.

Gadgeteer returned to the group, and the 7 of them walked the short distance to the scene of the crash. A man was being arrested, complaining that he had been set up. “Hey, what’s going on here?” Alex asked.

“Someone driving on the wrong side of the road.” an officer told him.

Alex noted that the car was generically marked Police instead of RCMP and took initiative. “I can dispute that.” he said, pulling out his Samsung Galaxy S7 Edge. Ivee discreetly streamed a video to the phone, showing the pickup truck and the deer it collided with. “We were in a small bus with a dashboard cam. I was the driver. I turned around because the deer and truck were blocking the road.”

The officer frowned. “No you’re not. You came from that highway over there. The one that humans can’t see. And since the jig is up…” he trailed off. Suddenly the two police officers and the injured owner of the sedan which supposedly collided with the pickup truck morphed into unfamiliar faces.

“Excrucian Decievers?!” Chara said, immediately sending a slash of their knife at one of them. The attack sliced the Deceiver clean in half, but somehow the two halves were still fully animate, creating swords of dry ice from nothing in each hand and hopping towards the 7 Powers.

Asriel took his one-winged-angel form again, and began raining attacks down on the three deceivers. However, when one of the remaining two was hit it absorbed the attack, and it sent an identical attack back towards Sans.

Sans blocked the attack with a wall of bones, and hit the third Deceiver with several Gaster Blasters. The attack left behind a burnt corpse, which quickly reformed into the Deceiver it had been before. A nearby tree turned into a pile of ash in her place.

Feeney shot Shocker at one of the halves of the Deceiver which had been split in two. The shot hit the Deceiver’s heart, sending it into cardiac arrest and causing both halves to flop onto the ground, incapacitated.

Alex noticed that the man in handcuffs had made a break for it, and summoned up Euclid’s C-Finder from Fallout: New Vegas while shouting “Fire in the hole!”. He fired it just as the other Powers leaped clear, and the beam came down on the deceivers as they tried to head in the opposite direction. When the dust cleared, the two remaining Deceivers still stood, but several trees had been turned to piles of ash and a second space laser came down on the Powers.

Asriel’s transformation kept him unharmed, while Chara blocked the laser with the True Knife. Sans, however, was scorched by the blast, as were Alex, Ivee and Feeney. Gadgeteer was covered in ash, in typical cartoon style.

Gadgeteer’s B.A.K.P.A.K. extended a pair of G.A.T.L.I.I.N.G. guns and fired some N.Y.R.F. bullets at the Decievers. One absorbed the foam darts, and a toy gun appeared in his hand which she fired back at Gadgeteer with. The other Deceiver was quickly encased in riot foam, immobilizing him for the time being.

Feeney fired at the remaining Deceiver, knocking the toy gun out of her hand. A cage of bones suddenly burst up from the pavement, surrounding and trapping her.

“Well. Does your chancel have the capability to keep these two secured?” Feeney asked.

“I’ll get Writhon on the line…” Sans said, pulling out an old-looking cell phone from his blue hoodie. “You were on your way to the North Pole to get magic mistletoe from Niall, right?”

“Wait, how did you know about-” Gadgeteer paused, then noticed the small herd of deer which had suddenly gathered to clean up the crash site.

“We’ll keep an eye on these two, you four can get going.” Sans assured them.

“One last thing. Asriel recognized us as Apepi’s Powers. Why?” Alex asked.

“You’d be better off asking Apepi about that.” Chara told them.

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