Table of Contents
My Personal Philosophy
Bond: Imagination and creativity trumps a work-ethic any day!
Bond: If I save people from their own stupidity, how will they LEARN?
Bond: I think everyone should donate to charity.
Bond: I like to explore everything and test things to destruction.
Bond: More is always better!
Bond: Humanity deserves better.
Bond: Laws are meant to be broken - including those of physics.
Bond: Tinkering with things is bound to make them better.
Bond: Clothes are silly and uncomfortable things, aren't they?
Bond: I despise the pack of drab lies that is the Prosaic World!
Bond: Blackmail is wrong, threats uncouth - but vengeance, ah, vengeance is divine.
Bond: Song of the Wild
My Code of Conduct
Bond: When I rob someone, I owe them something nice, to balance out my karma.
Bond: A true Thief has no need to kill.
Bond: I couldn't kill someone I don't know - that's uncivilized!
Bond: My mother, father or appointed babysitters should be near me at all times!
Bond: I provide employment for anyone who asks. Yes, even Excrucians.
Bond: I must honor the last request of a burning person, if it is within my power to do so.
Bond: My prey should know why and how they suffer.
Bond: I always rent; I never buy.
Bond: I must speak for those with no voices.
Bond: I must tell you why you are wrong.
Bond: I must always order the most expensive thing on the menu.
Bond: I always return favors, if possible in an extravagant fashion.
Bond: I must avenge wrongs done to me!
Bond: I must be kind to hobos and crazy people.
Bond: Miracles are deeply personal things - they should be granted via touch.
Bond: Those who break their word to me must be punished.
Bond: I follow and enforce the rules of Hospitality.
Bond: Oscar the Grouch is my rival!
Bond: I search for the fountain of youth…or the spring of drowned panda. Whichever comes first.
Bond: I crave attention!
Bond: I hate being changed or bound by others.
Bond: I care about my status as a mysterious media mogul.
Bond: I care about my Familia.
Bond: I yearn for true love…
Bond: I must add to my hoard.
Bond: I thoroughly enjoy exploiting loopholes.
Bond: I want to bring order to messy things
Bond: I like ordering people about.
Bond: I must be fully part of Noble Society.
Bond: I'm invested in the progress of humanity
Bond: I like to snoop on things that are none of my business.
Bond: I hate Excrucians.
Bond: I care for the Sanctity of my Estate.
Bond: I like to show off!
Bond: Creation NEEDS me, dammit!
My Personal Quirks
Bond: These clothes I'm wearin' now? They ain't never been washed and they ain't gonna be.
Bond: I kill cats when I'm curious.
Bond: Poisons make things taste better!
Bond: I must answer a question with a question.
Bond: Don't EVER mess with my COFFEE SUPPLY!!!
Bond: Anything is better with added Ninja!
Bond: Excrucians… they're just so… so… fascinating!
Bond: I make a point of avoiding celebrations.
Bond: I manage a love triangle with my anchors, Evelyn and Mariah.
Bond: I enjoy turning friend against friend.
Bond: I cherish the deeply unnatural and weird things.
Bond: I respond harshly to insults, real or perceived.
Bond: I prepare for odd contingencies.
Bond: I never let go of my sword Riposte
Bond: Ah, property damage. I do so adore it.
Bond: Paranoia is the hallmark of survivors!
Bond: Nothing heats your blood like a proper vendetta!
Bond: Plucky mortals get my respect.
Bond: I must present my virtues as vices.
My Roles and Identities
Bond: Mysterious Meddler.
Bond: Secret Agent Man.
Bond: Shameless flirter.
Bond: I protect children from horrors of the night.
Bond: Let's try to work out a compromise!
Bond: I dote on my daughter, Ellen.
Bond: I'm a very good listener.
Bond: I'm a positive force in people's lives
Bond: I enjoy doing ridiculous or over-the-top-impossible things.
Bond: Cheer up, Bucko!
Bond: I'm bloody well keeping my professor job - I only just got tenure, darn it!
Bond: I am a fictional character.
Things I Treasure
My Personal Abilities
Bond: My wings are soooooo pretty!
Bond: I have antennae.
Bond: Magical tattoos adorn my body.
Bond: My wings are sharper than a razor's edge.
Bond: My voice penetrates the loudest din and the thickest wall.
Bond: The dust from my wings is magical.
My Possessions and Servants
Bond: I live in a glass house.
Bond: My hat is my weapon of choice.
Bond: I'm proud of my extensive collection of antiques.
Bond: My staff is adorned with trophies taken from worthy enemies.
Bond: I love playing on my fiddle.
Bond: I have amulets and charms bound in my hair.
Bond: My gizmos are my children! Children that I occasionally dismantle or scrap.
Bond: I take my adventuring equipment seriously.
Bond: Umbrellas have more uses than you'd think!
Bond: I take a keen interest in SethCorp, my own private megacorporation.
Bond: I have made a manservant out of my former worst critic, Harvey Stubb.
Bond: I care for my sidekick Anchor, Orville.
My Friends and Allies
Bond: I'm the king of the cats.
Bond: Plants are my friends and my allies.
Bond: My drinking buddies are varied and well-informed.
Bond: I have adopted a tribe of Goblins. I'm sure they'll be useful for something. Someday.
Bond: I have disreputable dealings with the Cammora.
Bond: I look after ghosts and spirits.
Bond: Black cats are my spies and agents.
Bond: The Starbeast Qoth heeds my call.
Truths about me
Boasts I need to live up to
My Moods and Actions
Bond: I must be Cheerful and Happy.
Bond: I am a cheap date.
Bond; I can face anything with a smile!
Bond: My anger is slow to rise, but terrible in its calm fury.
Bond: If there is music, I will dance!
Truths I uphold
Bond: People love me!
Bond: Children trust me.
Bond: I am the center of attention.
Bond: I bring peace to the troubled.
Bond: Never bring a Gun to a Swordfight!
Bond: You won't get rid of me that easily!
Bond: I will not be conquered!
Bond: I never lose!
Bond: Attacks miss me by inches!
Bond: King of the Urban jungle.
Bond: I know something you don't know.
Skills and abilities I can use
Bond: I can find the weak spot of anything.
Bond: I am frighteningly persuasive.
Bond: Guards and locks won't stop me from satisfying my curiosity!
Bond: Impossible escapes are my specialty!
Bond: When I say I can steal anything, I do mean ANYTHING.
Bond: My feats of strength are amazing!
Bond: My driving is reckless and awe-inspiring.
Bond: I'm quite skilled at cutting things apart.
Bond: My Illusions are masterful!
Bond: I dress to impress.
Bond: I laugh at limits and borders!
Bond: I can improvise my way out of anything.
Bond: I'm the finest tracker there ever was or will be.
Bond: I'm a damn good shot, too.
Bond: I foil plots and find secrets!
Bond: I can outwit you.
Bond: I'm a whiz with modern technology
Bond: I am the deadliest person in the world…with a spork.
Bond: I am the deadliest person in the world…with a stork.
Bond: If it's a weapon, I can use it!
Bond: I excel at dominating or destroying things.
Flaws I need to act out
Bond: I always look disheveled.
Bond: I always come in second.
Bond: I live in luxury and strangeness.
Bond: A gentle song calms my soul.
Bond: I destroy what I love.
Bond: Fear makes me RAGE!
Bond: What is this "modern technology" you speak of?
Things in My Dominion
Bond: I can draw power from flowing water.
Bond: I have power over anyone that tells me their name.
Bond: Sunlight makes me stronger.
Bond: My mind is a fortress!
Bond: I am the undisputed Master of all things Fire
Bond: My home is my castle!
Weirdness I'll Need to Enforce with Miracles
Bond: I have a piece of ever-changing music twirling about me.
Bond: There's always a taxi around when I need one.
Bond: When you kill me, there's a "poof" and it turns out it you just hurt a decoy.
Bond: People throw up silk around me, instead of, well, throw up.
Bond: I float like a butterfly
Bond: I bear an uncanny resemblance to The President. Every president.
Things that Happen to me
Affliction: I will always lose to Matilda Serebrakian.
Affliction: If there is a rose, it will prick me with its thorns.
Affliction: My enemies complicate my life
Affliction: People will kill to get their hands on my secret cookie recipe.
Affliction: My entrances are spectacular.
Affliction: I'm never punished for my misdeeds.
Affliction: I get things for free.
Affliction: I must be simultaneously employed by every government organisation on Earth.
Affliction: Attractive and eligible individuals migrate to where I reside, from miles away.
Affliction: I get help whenever I'm in trouble!
How I Affect Others
Affliction: My body parts are wanted for herbal medicines.
Affliction: Good things happen to those that aid me.
Affliction: Those who spend time near me get a nice deep tan.
Affliction: People startle because they don't notice me approaching.
Affliction: My moods are contagious.
Affliction: My laughter is immensely disturbing. Also, it's infectious.
Affliction: People tend to underestimate me.
Affliction: I seem familiar to people, but they can't place me.
Affliction: I must be spoken to in a polite fashion.
How Others Affect Me
Ways to Find Me
Affliction: Anybody who goes looking for it will find my contact information in their cell-phone.
Affliction: I can easily be found with the aid of a police officer.
Affliction: Every compass within a mile points to me.
Ways to Communicate With Me
Affliction: Each night, my shadow collects the prayers of mortals addressing my graven image.
Affliction: If you speak my name, I will hear you.
Affliction: Nothing can stop me from checking my email every five minutes. Nothing.
Ways to Summon Me
Affliction: I can be summoned through the burning of one's most precious object.
Affliction: I can be summoned by a ritual: mixing blood into wine while singing the ending line of the ballad of my death.
Affliction: Summonable by entering the proper cheatcode in any game.
What People Know About Me
Affliction: Children know me for what I am.
Affliction: People seem to know what I am thinking.
Affliction: Stories of my misdeeds and failings are whispered on playgrounds.
Affliction: My moods and experiences carry effects in the Fortress that is my body.
Affliction: Smoke comes out of my ears when I'm excited about something.
Affliction: I'm somehow recognizable despite always looking different.
Affliction: I give away clues to my true identity.
Things I can't do
Things that Limit Me
Affliction: I'm a baby! (Can't walk or talk, but can crawl at a very surprising pace)
Affliction: If I don't get my way I have a tantrum.
Affliction: I can only eat nectar.
Affliction: Clothes never fit me.
Affliction: I cannot destroy a thing of beauty.
Affliction: I cannot hide!
Affliction: I stand out in a crowd.
Affliction: People don't take me seriously.
Affliction: My creations won't show me proper respect, the little ingrates!
Affliction: Somehow I creep people out, without meaning to.
Affliction: I like cooking. I'm also spectacularly bad at it
Affliction: I develop sudden crushes for little reason.
Affliction: I can't hurt the innocent.
Weaknesses My Enemies May Exploit
Affliction: I'm allergic to flowers.
Affliction: Singing soothes me (even really bad singing).
Affliction: I can't fly in any scene in which someone touches my wings.
Affliction: Bad things happen when I lose my lucky pendant
Affliction: Those darned meddling kids! Disrupting my plans! Understanding my gizmos! Aargh!
Affliction: I mustn't get in the way of True Love!
Affliction: I'm repulsed by Cold Iron and symbols of personal faith.
Affliction: I'm vulnerable to salt, physically as well as mystically (Difficulty crossing lines of salt, can be fended off by salt thrown over one's shoulder, etc…)
Things I can do
Affliction: I am inherently photogenic.
Affliction: My toenails are a 100% efficient fuel source.
Affliction: I am feared by the easily replaceable.
Affliction: To machines, I am a dark and terrible god, and they do their best to appease me.
Affliction: My body is clean, scent-free and clinically sterile.
Affliction: Modern technology malfunctions in my precense.
Affliction: Most beautiful woman in the room.
Affliction: I must be filthy rich.
Affliction: I must have minions and a secret lair.
Affliction: I must have authority over people.
Affliction: I must be a gang leader.
Affliction: My paintings come to life!
Affliction: I can always just make a new body.
Affliction: Shadows hide me, but not my presence.
Affliction: Earth and stone crumble at my touch.
Affliction: My smile makes glass crack.
Affliction: I can smell unhappiness on people.
Affliction: I can smell a pirate from a mile away!
Affliction: Time stands still for my possessions.
Affliction: I protect innocents around me from harm.
Affliction: Things I kill return to life, fresh and healed.
Affliction: Whenever I perform physical labor (not often) I do the work of ten!
Affliction: Locks and doors spring open as I pass.
Affliction: My pockets must be full of useful things.
Affliction: Whenever I dance, other people are pulled in
Affliction: I am what I eat (My appearance and minor abilities reflect the things I've eaten recently)
Affliction: Seeing my face means your doom.
Affliction: What I envy, I acquire.
Affliction: Protected Skill - Reaching-through-media-technique. (I can walk through TV screens to the studio beyond and vice versa, and can in fact punch someone via the internet)
My Wards and Protections
Immunity to ephemeral threats
Affliction: My mind is warded by astral seals.
Affliction: I am unpredictable.
Affliction: My Nobility is not obvious to the Sight.
Affliction: Truth or falsehood can't be read from my statements.
Affliction: I shed miracles like a goose does water.
Affliction: My clothes remain immaculate, despite everything.
Immunity to damage
Affliction: My beauty makes attackers hesitate.
Affliction: Metal will not harm me, nor I it; we have a truce.
Affliction: I am immune to technology.
Affliction: Mundane weaponry is ineffective against me.
Affliction: I sold my sense of shame for immunity to guns.
Affliction: My body absorbs any energy that would hurt me, even kinetic.
Affliction: I cannot be hurt!
Affliction: My soul is hidden inside a needle, which is in an egg, which is in a duck, which is in a hare, which is in an iron chest, which is buried under a green oak tree, which is on the island of Buyan, in the ocean. As long as my soul is safe, I cannot die.
Affliction: My fate is to be killed by one of my own descendants, wielding the sword Apocryphica. (Obviously I cannot die by any other cause until then.)
Affliction: My soul is bound in a government form (form 1478B - wish fulfilment, available in random tax office waiting rooms), and I must grant one wish to any mortal who correctly fills it out (requires level 6 intention).
Affliction: As an emergent property of the Universe, I regenerate, even from total obliteration.
Affliction: That which would harm me is destroyed.
Affliction: Weapons levelled against me will turn on their wielders.
Affliction: My blood wreaks horrible vengeance on those who spill it.
Things I am
Affliction: All my imperfections are bound up in my last name, leaving the rest of me flawless.
Affliction: I am a phantom brought forth by my own need to exist.
Affliction: I am a hat.
Affliction: I have no mouth, and I must scream.
Affliction: My memory and past are fluid, some what separately.
Affliction: I am becoming a dragon.
Affliction: I am a living koan.
Affliction: I am dead, bereft of body and physical presence.
Affliction: I am Nobody. Formally speaking, I don't even exist.
Affliction: I am a massive inhabited battle fortress, granted life and mobility.
Affliction: Fey (immortal, vulnerable to cold iron and various superstitions).
Affliction: I am a border to infinity - and sometimes, things cross that border without my consent…
(This guy is a living cornucopia, but sometimes he inadvertently creates bad stuff)
Affliction: I'm a Dragon made of elemental Fire.
Affliction: My shadow is a gateway to the nether-realms.
My Look and Image
Affliction: Colors of any sort just sort of melt off my clothes and disappear.
Affliction: I must constantly be eating something.
Affliction: I must always be reading a book.
Affliction: I look thin and malnourished, even when i just finished eating a continent.
Affliction: My hair must be unrealistic and brightly colored .
Affliction: I must seem foreign everywhere I go.
The Compulsions that Drive me
Affliction: I. am. AWESOME. (It's a burden I must bear)
Affliction: I must be an effective Mediator and Negotiator
(If I need to be able to breathe underwater or stare down avalanches for this, it will happen.)
Affliction: I seek dominion over the Lands Beyond Creation.
Affliction: I must be cool and dignified.
Affliction: I am smug.
Affliction: True Artists demand my respect and attention.
Telltale Signs that I'm Unnatural
Affliction: I'm on fire.
Affliction: I'm two-dimensional.
Affliction: My hair is made of living flames.
Affliction: I have thought bubbles.
Affliction: I have a soundtrack.
Non-obvious (until pointed out)
Affliction: My feet never quite touch the ground.
Affliction: Light passes through me; I have neither shadow nor reflection.
Affliction: My Guise changes appearance every time I'm unobserved.
Affliction: X-Rays think my insides look like a Mondrian.
Affliction: My presence is an allergen.
Affliction: I taste of crucifixion.
Affliction: My blood is a vile black toxic sludge.
Affliction: Looking into my eyes, people see the silvery dance of the Wild.
Affliction: I never blink.
Suspicious but circumstantial
Affliction: Even when Guised, my sheer mass and weight manifests itself in small ways.
Affliction: Wind and rain seek me out to play.
Affliction: Ghosts and spiders seek me out for company.
Affliction: Around me people get upset stomachs.
Affliction: Improbable things happen around me.
Quirky things and Running Gags in my Story
Events and Effects
Affliction: Even my reflection rolls its eyes at me. *sigh*
Affliction: I'm plagued by bad omens of all sorts.
Affliction: Sometimes, small precious objects spontaneously teleport into my pockets. Honest!
Affliction: Dramatically appropriate thunder & lightning.
Followers and Hangers-on
Affliction: Paparazzi follow me around. (Admittedly, some of them work for me.)
Affliction: Spontaneous musical numbers start around me when I'm excited.
Affliction: I have a really overbearing mother.
Affliction: I am being stalked by an unusually persistent forest.
Affliction: I am always It.