- Elliott is now known as Viola
<Vauncey> who dat
<Viola> Idleness regenerates Doctor Who style.
<Viola> And since y'all left her in the vault, she's entered a terrifying chrysalis, without the HG's permission.
<HollyhockGod> Elliott asked to redo his character sheet into something more likely to survive the madness you have unleashed.
<Viola> I was also just having trouble connecting with Idleness.
<Vauncey> OK, you can be in charge of fighting that monster guy.
<Darryl_Collins> Since you asked so nicely.
<HollyhockGod> Yeah, I wonder what was up with that.
<HollyhockGod> You were able to more or less wander out of the auction, since turning into a blob of monster seems to have more or less expended everybody's murderous rage towards you.
- Viola emerges from a metamorphic chrysalis as a petite woman of indeterminate ethnicity with purple, blue, and yellow hair dressed immaculately in robes sewn from flowers.
<HollyhockGod> But it seems like you're still pretty unpopular?
- DukeGod is now known as Nomen
<HollyhockGod> The Robbers are working on the paperwork to petition the Council of Four to take over your official position.
<HollyhockGod> Public opinion seems favorable!
<Nomen> Do they think taxes is a democracy?
<Darryl_Collins> Well, it's a democracy of four votes.
<Nomen> This is a tyranny, and we rule it with iron and ink stained fingers
<Darryl_Collins> Which, I suppose, is an oligarchy?
<Vauncey> Do people actually know that the taxes are used to support the bees? I am concerned they would just keep the taxes for themselves.
<HollyhockGod> That's public knowledge, yeah.
<Darryl_Collins> I can imagine that they might think that we're not doing that job particularly efficiently, though.
<Nomen> Well, we're witout Sarabande today
<Vauncey> We could let them try it on a contingency basis, I guess.
<HollyhockGod> Although I'm afraid Nomen may be eating all the money now.
<Nomen> I'll just have to up my capacity to solve things through destruction.
<Vauncey> People might like them less when they're actually collecting from tax evaders.
<Nomen> What? It's not like we had to pay for the moon.
<Darryl_Collins> Oh! And then we could be the Robbers!
<Vauncey> I think they'd still be the robbers.
- Viola is still in the vault, wondering where everybody went and also trying to figure out why she feels so very very different.
<Vauncey> We'd just be…the official opposition? I dunno.
<Darryl_Collins> Well, that wouldn't leave us with anything to do.
<Nomen> Dunno, we probably could do the Robber job better than them.
<Darryl_Collins> How rude.
<Vauncey> Anyway, in the meantime, we have all this money we got from the auction.
<Vauncey> We should consider reallocating a portion of that to public works, to help with our image.
<Darryl_Collins> True, and also we need to be audited.
<Nomen> I say we help orphans.
<Nomen> We probably creted a few.
<Vauncey> Nobody will care if we help orphans! We need pork.
<Nomen> We coiuld go to Britain and then just LET THEM HAVE CAKE.
<Darryl_Collins> I don't suppose you actually managed to snag Excalibur, did you?
<Nomen> Maaybe? How much is the HG hating me today?
- Viola appears in a burst of blistering speed and deduction. "Have you considered actually germinating a new world? It's been a while since we did that, and they always get so excited."
<HollyhockGod> You didn't have thirty million udi to pay for it, did you?
<Nomen> Not if payment was immediate now
<Nomen> If it was to be paid at a later date, we can take it from the money we got, and then get it all back since we get all profits anwiay
<Darryl_Collins> "I was under the impression that the worlds just sort of germinated on their own time with enough investment."
<Nomen> Or possibly Nomen just stole it if noone went ahead and took it back from him
<Vauncey> Should we try to put the moon back?
<Vauncey> Or, like…
<Nomen> The moon is gone
<Vauncey> Oh, right, the robber queen stole it.
<Viola> "Well, I mean, more or less…" Viola admits, suddenly realizing the whole moon thing.
<Nomen> She stole the pieces
<Vauncey> Why don't we use the money to build an even better moon?
<Nomen> Like a permanent blood moon?
<HollyhockGod> Better yet, convince *them* to build an even better moon.
<HollyhockGod> Then laugh when they fail!
<Vauncey> We could have a competition to build the best moon.
<Darryl_Collins> Of course!
<Vauncey> The best moon will become the new moon and the other one will be auctioned for charity
<Nomen> That might work.
<Nomen> We even steal the whole auction thing off the Robbers.
<Darryl_Collins> A competition would suffice to fulfill my duties vis a vis auditing ourselves.
<Viola> Sometimes I worry about my Familia.
<Viola> Other times, I am unconscious.
<Viola> And the worry is present, but less penetrating, because of the unconsciousness.
<Darryl_Collins> Well, you were sort of like the one who suggested this idea.
<Darryl_Collins> Assuming that worlds and moons are alike.
<Vauncey> We will need to make a formal announcement. I will look through Office templates.
<Nomen> Yeaaaah, you shouildn't give us ideas like this
<Viola> I suggested a world.
<Viola> A world!
<Viola> A beautiful, blossoming world!
<Nomen> Worlds are too much trouble
<Nomen> And we'd have to do most of it
<HollyhockGod> The moon can be a world!
<Viola> They are our business!
<Nomen> With this we can do like almost no work whatsoever
<HollyhockGod> It's basically a subworld.
<Vauncey> OK so
<Viola> We are in the world business!
<Vauncey> who has the best skillset to lead the moon-creating project
<Nomen> Well, I know a thing or two about gravity
<Darryl_Collins> I need to wrangle up a judge, so someone else will have to create a world.
<Vauncey> Vauncey can do the computations, I guess, he has a skill for that.
<Viola> I assume our Chancel actually has exits to the Ash, right?
<Vauncey> We might need to subcontract some aspects of the actual moon-creation though.
<HollyhockGod> Arguably everywhere has exists to the Ash.
<Nomen> So, me and Viola will get on with that, getting other people to build moons so we can leech off everything
<HollyhockGod> Except the Lands Beyond, which have entrances.
- Vauncey will work on the press release, I guess. Do we have a media department?
<Viola> Is there much in the way of detritus on the Ash? like, stray branches in need of pruning that DON'T have worlds and whatnot?
<HollyhockGod> Probably. The trick is not offending any Serpents you may meet.
<HollyhockGod> Vauncey: I dunno; do you?
<Vauncey> Sure, let's say so.
<Darryl_Collins> If we do, they obviously haven't been doing a very good job.
<Vauncey> It's a bureaucracy!
<Nomen> Sounds like I run it then
<Vauncey> Well, there's the gnomes.
<Darryl_Collins> They're strictly editorial staff.
<Viola> Viola is going to eschew her duties and gather up brush and bramble from the Ash—any spare bits she can find as she supersizes herself.
<Darryl_Collins> In any event, I need all of my audit gnomes to help me forge a mystical sword since somebody totally failed to pick up Excalibur.
<Vauncey> Do we need a mystical sword?
<Vauncey> Strictly speaking?
<Darryl_Collins> Who is going to respect a neutral judge who hasn't got a mystical sword?
<HollyhockGod> Well, you needed to sell it and use the money to buy nightsoil.
<Darryl_Collins> Wouldn't happen.
<Nomen> Did I keep the gavel of the Robbers?
<HollyhockGod> I suppose if you had to keep something, you might as well keep that.
<HollyhockGod> Sometimes when you tap a walnut with it, it turns into a pigeon.
<Nomen> Does that mean I can command Earth with it too?
<Viola> No, just dwagons
<Darryl_Collins> Dragons, I'd think
- Vauncey sends an email to the media department, if indeed there is one, outlining their needs for a press release and sending a draft text. We will say he spends 2 Will on this endeavour.
<Nomen> Well ain't that amusing
<Nomen> Can I command dragons that are better than myself?
<HollyhockGod> I haven't promised that you can command dwagons!
<Viola> It was implied
- Viola is playing katamari with Ash brush.
<Nomen> Yeah, if you start copying powers from stuff you expect all the powers
<Darryl_Collins> Alright, I'd like to begin forging a sword deep within the depths of the hive, where the rivers of honey glow red under the intense pressure of the collected fiscal liabilities above.
<Nomen> I guess I'm gonna slack off until I need to destroy something, or get creative with my power whichver is worse
<HollyhockGod> Darryl: Okay, how?
<Nomen> Oh wait, do we already know who's participating in the moon creating contest
<HollyhockGod> I don't think that's clear at all at this point.
<Vauncey> I am not sure if we have formalized it at this point. I have contacted the media department!
<Nomen> Let me know, I should go talk to thje participants
<Vauncey> Does anyone have any contacts with expertise in moon-creation or related fields who might be willing to assist for money?
<Darryl_Collins> Well, obviously I don't know anything about forging swords. But audit gnomes, being gnomes, should be skilled at metalwork. I shall use my auditing powers to supervise them and tell them if they're doing it right.
<Nomen> And bring that sword to me when you're done, I can make it mysticla
<Darryl_Collins> Every other time I give you things you throw them into black holes.
<HollyhockGod> This… can only go well!
<Nomen> I swear this time I'll only make the sword mystical
<HollyhockGod> You should build a sword so it will only get stronger if thrown into a black hole.
<HollyhockGod> It'll temper it or something.
<HollyhockGod> At least, I'm sure your gnomes will do their best.
<Darryl_Collins> That's *probably* how tempering works!
<HollyhockGod> Meanwhile the media department sends you some draft announcements drawn in black honey via bee-sting.
<HollyhockGod> …these appear to be dance steps.
<Nomen> Well get to it, waltz feet
<Vauncey> Possibly we should do our own press release.
<Vauncey> Do we have that paperclip who tells you how to do things?
<Nomen> You've done it before, go all Fred Astaire on dem steps!
<HollyhockGod> Nomen can summon him with black sorcery.
<Nomen> Didn't i lose sorcery to becoma a dragon?
<HollyhockGod> Although his skill is lower than usual at the moment because his jazz hands fused into claws.
<HollyhockGod> I didn't say you'd be good at it!
<Nomen> Maybe I should get a bonus to black sorcery given my nature?
<Darryl_Collins> We've still got zombie elvis
<HollyhockGod> We're not doing association by pun!
- Viola brings back a large ball of tangled branches and bark shavings the size of a small planetoid.
<Viola> This is somewhat less notable than the fact that she has come back as a snake several miles long and cherry-blossom pink.
<Darryl_Collins> I thought that wasn't supposed to help!
<Nomen> Reptiles are "in" right now in our Chancel
<HollyhockGod> I'm not sure yet how "this won't help" interacts with insane plans.
- Viola then wraps around the ball in its entirety and squeezes with nearly unlimited force.
- Darryl_Collins looks sadly at his parrot mask and thinks about the waiting army of constabulary swan kaiju. "Soon." he whispers to himself.
<HollyhockGod> Viola used WRAP!
<HollyhockGod> Viola received a COMPOST PLANETOID.
<Viola> (1 AMP to compact this all with infinite pressure and force to create a small diamond moon, what with all the carbon)
<HollyhockGod> Or, okay, a diamond.
<Viola> "My moon is shinier than theirs was."
<HollyhockGod> I'm pretty sure it would be full of impurities. You need 2 AMP to create a flawless diamond.
<Viola> I'm doing this in the Chancel, right?
<Viola> Either way, 2mp done and done.
<HollyhockGod> So I guess it's still free to do a fairy-tale feat.
<HollyhockGod> Meanwhile, Darryl is feeling sleepy.
<HollyhockGod> You should take a nap!
<Darryl_Collins> Hm. Well, I'm sure the gnomes can take it from here. I'll find a comfy honeycomb and curl up.
<Viola> "Could I ask that my new moon NOT be compacted into a singularity?" she asks, transforming back into a small, strangely colored girl.
- Vauncey gives up and composes the press release himself. He vaguely remembers what a press release was supposed to look like from back when he was an important business guy, which he is pretty sure was a thing that actually happened and not a dream. (Aspect 2 to get a base +5 on this despite having no skill, I guess. It won't make it socially appealing but it'll at least function as a
- Vauncey press release.)
<HollyhockGod> Darryl sleeps!
<Viola> "Because that would be just aces."
<HollyhockGod> Yeah, that's a press release all right. …what does it say?
- Darryl_Collins engages in carefully-regulated snoring, as prescribed by the Employee's Handbook.
<HollyhockGod> Also, you go looking for Darryl so he can read it and find him in a nasty-looking coma.
<HollyhockGod> …I think he might be dying?
<Nomen> How worrisome is that?
<Vauncey> It goes over the gist of what we discussed earlier: it proposes a competition with the Robbers to each design a moon with the victor taking control of tax collection, with the losing moon being auctioned off to charity.
<Vauncey> "What's all this, then?" Vauncey kneels beside Darryl and lays a hand on his forehead. What seems to be the matter?
<Nomen> Did the original moon have Saint George and the dragon on it?
<HollyhockGod> Hm, clammy skin, fever, stupid-looking expression, shallow breathing.
<HollyhockGod> Also he won't wake up.
<Darryl_Collins> Hey! My expression is perpetually-noble!
<Nomen> I know some field medicine. We need to cut off his arm
<Vauncey> Has this happened before?
<HollyhockGod> Darryl: That will be 1 AMP.
<Nomen> Ooh before I froget
<HollyhockGod> Vauncey: Not that you recall.
<Darryl_Collins> Very well!
<HollyhockGod> Except maybe in an Umberto Eco novel you read once.
<Nomen> HollyhockGod: While we'rte in the chancel I'll use 3 TMP, which is kinda free cause Chancel, to make a Wondrous wonder out of that gavel
<HollyhockGod> Darryl heroically reassembles his features into a noble countenance, retroactively.
<Vauncey> Do we know any doctors from the noble courts? I'm afraid this is a bit out of Vauncey's depth.
<Viola> Viola can try and beat the ennui out of him with her chi-manipulating martial arts
<Viola> It's like accupuncture
<Viola> But maybe more like accupunching
<Vauncey> In the meantime Vauncey will give him a sip of brandy from his flask, though. (He got another flask out of his bedroom when they returned.) Intuitively you would think this would be a bad idea, but he is actually using Aspect for a +5 and also his +2 "showing others a good time" skill, so instead it turns out to actually not be completely stupid.
<Vauncey> Math doesn't lie!
<Darryl_Collins> He cheats at Mario Kart though.
<HollyhockGod> Viola punches Darryl and he starts awake, feeling better but slightly drunk.
<Vauncey> "Darryl! My man, are you all right?"
<Darryl_Collins> "Hmm! It schemsh that I am the victim of shome shtrange malfeashenshe."
<Nomen> I have a plan
<Nomen> It involves going back in time
<Viola> "Many people don't appreciate the detoxifying powers of the chin chakra."
<Viola> "And I think we have had enough time schenanigans, possibly."
<Vauncey> "Do you have any idea what the problem is? Is there anyone we ought to call?"
<Nomen> "I can make us go back in time with my own power this time though, Possibly"
<Darryl_Collins> "Hold on, letsh me auditsh this shituationsh."
<HollyhockGod> Nomen: Intention level?
<Nomen> I'm not goign back in time yet
<Nomen> Just saying I might've figured out how to do it
<HollyhockGod> Darryl does a quick self-audit. You appear to have a large credit in the "deadly poison" column!
<Vauncey> "Let's hold off on the time travel for now. We can always try it later, because time."
<Darryl_Collins> I produce a poison-analyzing device from my briefcase, so that I may audit the poison!
<Viola> A poison most foul?
<Nomen> You know, I bet I can heal him from poison
<Viola> Would it be an appropriately fairy tale feat to literally suck the poison out of him via the most terrifying kiss ever?
<Nomen> Just need to suck it all out with several mini-black holes
<HollyhockGod> It seems to be… pretty foul! A deadly contact poison.
<HollyhockGod> It's all punched out now.
<Viola> Ah. Violence: the answer to so many things!
<HollyhockGod> Although Darryl retains a wound of hilarious drunkenness.
<Viola> (brb, doggie wants out)
<Darryl_Collins> "Thish ish terriblesh. Our enemiesh strike even in our home! *hic*"
- Vauncey daubs up some of the punched-out poison with a handkerchief and puts it in a corked flask, for later analysis. Or just, you know, in case it comes in handy.
<Vauncey> "Easy there, lad, you need to regain your strength." Vauncey stands up, looking out the window (there's a window there) with a furrowed brow. "Well, I've sent the press release. Now we just have to wait and see what happens."
<Darryl_Collins> "We musht be on guard, Vaunchy. We musht- but wait. How goesh the shword?"
<HollyhockGod> The gnomes have found a book on metalsmithing!
<HollyhockGod> Now they're trying to find a contractor who can build a forge.
<Nomen> …I breath some fire into the metal
<Darryl_Collins> "Shee? Very reshorshful. Shomeday I should give them a raish of being paid at all."
<Nomen> possibly into a gnome or two aswell
<Nomen> Not the book
<HollyhockGod> The metal is now melted.
<HollyhockGod> I guess that's technically progress.
- Vauncey checks the vault for anything else that might be useful for the proto-moon. Technically they're not sure if they'll be needing the proto-moon yet, but it can't hurt to have around.
<Nomen> I suppose I might aswell do the whole forging
<HollyhockGod> Hm. You have a dinosaurus skellington!
<Nomen> What does that mean
<Vauncey> That's good, we'll put that in there.
<Vauncey> To test people's faith.
<Nomen> I'll pay 5 AMP, ad in the 3 from the chancel to give myself World Shaking Blacksmithing skill
<Nomen> And I'll uise my new Wondrous anchor for the hammer, to get that extra boost
<Nomen> Nomen will forge the sword now
<Nomen> It needs to have skulls on it. And spikes. A serrated edge, and flamberge edge on the other side
<Nomen> Throw in some chains, a lot of gemstones
<HollyhockGod> MPs have to go in 1s, 2s, 4s, or 8s.
<Nomen> ….Okay, I use 4 then
<HollyhockGod> What did you intend this hammer to do?
<HollyhockGod> …also, how are you holding the hammer?
<Nomen> fine forget the ahmmer for now
<Nomen> I'm only Fairy Tale Feat Blacksmith then
<Nomen> 4 AMP
<Nomen> back to the sword description
<Nomen> The blade is damascus, the pattern welding shaped like armies falling before a might king
<HollyhockGod> Okay, fine. You forge an exquisitely sharp and metal sword, with spikes/skulls/serrated edge/flamberge.
<Darryl_Collins> "Why are there shpikes and shukles?"
<Nomen> "Well, we really want a sword that's not evil nor good"
<HollyhockGod> I will be generous and say it's probably even magical or something.
<Nomen> Don't need to. I can make it magical now
<Nomen> Lemme get my sheet just a sec
- Darryl_Collins looks sadly at the somewhat-insufficient honeycomb forge equipment, broken by the draconic craft rampage.
<Nomen> Hm shame
<Nomen> Okay, I'll burn 4 Persona MP
<Nomen> +3 from Chancel
<Nomen> For only a level 7 miracle
<Nomen> since I can't use 3MP
<Nomen> That's Greater Enchantment
<Darryl_Collins> …wait, what are you enchanting it to do?
<HollyhockGod> That would actually need 5 MP and a Deadly Wound.
<Nomen> No, I gort Persona 1
<HollyhockGod> The Chancel bonus reduces the cost by 3, it doesn't boost your miracle by three points.
<HollyhockGod> So you'd need a Word of Command to get a level 7 miracle.
<Nomen> Oh well, I guess I'l ljust add another wound then
<Nomen> and 5 PMP it is
<HollyhockGod> You should probably just bathe it in your blood or something and awaken it as a Wondrous Anchor, yeah.
<Nomen> …I might do that later
<Nomen> Let's also enchant it
<HollyhockGod> Okay, what kind of Enchantment?
<Nomen> I can aplpy one of my Estate's properties to it right?
<HollyhockGod> Also the sword needs a name.
<Nomen> I'm making it REALLY mystical then
<HollyhockGod> Would you like to be more specific or is it just generically and mysteriously mystical?
<Darryl_Collins> "I wash actually going to enshant it…"
<Nomen> can I like, fuse it with my Soul Carving Sword gift or something lioke that to up the powers?
<Nomen> "Working on enchantment, don't worry"
<Vauncey> Did the Robbers issue a response to the press release, in the meantime?
<Nomen> "Who needs Excalibur when you have me?
<HollyhockGod> You haven't told me whatthe press release says!
<HollyhockGod> Nomen: Sure, why not. What can it hurt?
<Nomen> surprisingly he did
<Nomen> It cuts miracles
<HollyhockGod> Oh, okay. Well, that works.
<Nomen> probably just a really good sword against humans and stuff but miracles? miracle sit positively destroys
<Nomen> now I'm also gonna claim it as a Wondrous anchor, cause, might aswell
<Nomen> And I need n ame
<HollyhockGod> I guess they say yes, then! You get a message from the robber queen, who I will go ahead and name as Edem, Power of Imaginary Numbers.
<Vauncey> That doesn't seem like a very useful domain.
<HollyhockGod> Red Tape Cutter?
<Nomen> seeing how powerful taxes are, sure it works
<Darryl_Collins> "But thash the thing we DON'T want to happensh!"
<HollyhockGod> Yeah, that could really fuck up an assessment.
<Nomen> "Darryl! It's done. Bask in it's amazing POWEEEEER"
<Nomen> Eerm fine
<Nomen> Something more generic
<Nomen> Noble Nemesis
<Vauncey> OK, we will need to get cracking then. Vauncey goes through his rolodex looking for a moon-creation subcontractor to contact.
<Nomen> "Oh yes, this is an AWESOME SWORD"
<Darryl_Collins> "Okay, butsh if itsh your dread panoply how cansh it imbue wishdom and purposh onto a judge of worldsh?
<Nomen> "I'll even lend it to your judge"
<Nomen> "IT CAN CUT AWAY AT INJUSTICE!"
<Nomen> "It destroys all the miraculousity of bribery, misdirection and cheating"
<Nomen> "by Lord Entropy, WHAT HAVE I CREATED?"
<Darryl_Collins> "…no, you know whatsh? Itsh fine. Let me shee it shosh I might imbue it with purposh."
<HollyhockGod> Meanwhile, Nomen takes a Deadly Wound from his intense miracling!
<Nomen> "Okay, just remember it's mine"
<HollyhockGod> I think it is "vulnerable to the dread weapon Noble Nemesis."
<Nomen> how long do wound take to heal/
<HollyhockGod> Especially if you take them from burning 8 MP.
<Darryl_Collins> "Oh shure. Shure."
<HollyhockGod> You'll need to do a Project to heal the wound down to Serious and then it can heal.
<Nomen> I should work on that X_X
<Nomen> Or maye not, it looks cool
<Nomen> In the meantime, I'll add in teh bond "Owner of the Miracle Destroying Blade "Noble Nemsis" to my list
<Nomen> I did claim it as an anchor
<Nomen> which means add antoher wound to my ever increasing list
<Vauncey> Do you need projects to heal wounds?
<Darryl_Collins> Can I enchant a blade which is your anchor and already enchanted, though?
<Vauncey> Hmm! I'm glad I don't have any.
<HollyhockGod> Sure, why not?
<Nomen> I'll allow you to do it. Temporarily
<Darryl_Collins> Oh, don't even worry.
<HollyhockGod> Poor Nomen, no Deadly Wounds left and a deadly weakness in the Chancel!
<Nomen> Yeah, I'm also supposed to get a wounde from claiming an achor
<HollyhockGod> Serious Wound "Constantly losing things."
<Nomen> Man, just a little bit of wnaton destruction
<HollyhockGod> Anyway, you have until the full moon, rhetorically speaking, to finish the new moon!
<HollyhockGod> That sentence totally made sense!
<Viola> I made a moon!
<Nomen> I got a new deadly wound?
<Viola> It is beautiful and diamond
<Darryl_Collins> I wish to spend 1PMP to do a Greater Binding of Audits to bind Noble Nemesis such that the wielder becomes a perfect adjudicator of contests, unable to do less than their best in judging them! Since the sword cuts miracles anyway, I suppose I might as well also demand that they be swayed from this duty by no mystical force.
<Nomen> So,. my previous Serious wound of "Speaking in the voice of my most hated peerson" heals!
<Darryl_Collins> Also I'm pretty drunk so the geas itself might be a little drunken.
<Darryl_Collins> I'm not sure.
<Vauncey> Is Viola's moon good enough to go with, or will it need further work? I've touched base with some contacts in the planet-creation business, in case we need an appraisal or further work.
<HollyhockGod> Does it do any tricks?
<HollyhockGod> I mean, what do you suppose the other guys are going to do? What if theirs can talk, or has a palace carved into it?
<HollyhockGod> Darryl: That works.
<HollyhockGod> I mean, right now it's pretty much a very expensive sphere that you made in an afternoon.
<Nomen> On the bright side, this is the first time in the game I CREATED something
- Viola begins meticulously shaping great gardens throughout the diamond moon
<Darryl_Collins> Possibly we should all add something to this planet.
<Viola> We should cooperate
<Viola> It would appease the bees
<HollyhockGod> Anyway, while you're working on this, you realize you've lost the magical sword somehow.
<HollyhockGod> It's probably not a big deal.
<Nomen> That can't be, it wasn't with med
<HollyhockGod> You set a thing down for one minute and look what happens!
<HollyhockGod> Actually, it was a more complicated story than that.
<Nomen> Fine, I open up a channel of communications to it
<Nomen> "Where are you?"
<HollyhockGod> A holy swan of taxation has found it lying around somewhere and is swinging it about idly.
<Vauncey> Vauncey decorates the moon with miscellaneous things from our vaults that we expect to have trouble liquidating. While he works, he hides easter eggs throughout the moon, to make it more fun for people later on.
<Nomen> …for now, I can deal with that
<Darryl_Collins> Is the core of this moon also diamond?
<HollyhockGod> Ask Viola!
<Nomen> Nomen will carve out several of the greatest magical secrets in the moon, but cryptograph them all in a language he invented just now
<HollyhockGod> Meanwhile, Vauncey hears a rumbling, as though there was about to be a cave-in somewhere.
<HollyhockGod> What a bad time to be deep inside the moon!
<Darryl_Collins> "Hey, Viola, can we fill the core of this moon with honey?"
<Vauncey> Does this count as being in the chancel, still?
<Vauncey> Asking for a friend.
<Viola> "I certainly suppose we can. Does it contain similar viscous properties to a molten iron core?"
<Darryl_Collins> "Oh, you know. Probably."
<Nomen> not that the moon has one
<Vauncey> Well, in any event, Vauncey will begin retracing his steps back to the surface.
<Vauncey> Seems prudent!
<HollyhockGod> I suppose you are in the Chancel, yes. But!
<HollyhockGod> Oh, no! In the middle of the steps you're retracing is a bear trap!
<Viola> Viola remains unperturbed by the earthquakes, even as she shapes the internal gardens, with their luminous fungi
- Vauncey notices the bear trap, but is so preoccupied by wondering how it got there that he steps in it anyway.
<HollyhockGod> Oh, dear. Your leg is caught in a bear trap. It's very painful!
<HollyhockGod> Now the roof is falling in.
<Viola> The roof of the moon?
<Nomen> (Man Rand is out for all today)
<Darryl_Collins> I suspect deliberate sabotage.
<Viola> Moons do not have rooves, Rand
<Vauncey> "Ah, that's…unfortunate." Gritting his teeth, Vauncey yanks his leg forcefully, shattering the chain holding the trap down, and continues making his way back to the surface, punching the rocks as they fall.
<Vauncey> (Aspect 6 miracle to get me safely to the surface of the moon)
<HollyhockGod> As you like! This makes a rather nasty hole in the surface of the moon. Kind of shaped like a giraffe.
<Darryl_Collins> Meanwhile, I shall use another PMP to enchant the diamond moon's core of liquid honey with the blessing of introspection, which causes those who eat of it to audit their own minds and hopefully come out better for it. Although if you fail the sweet liquid of introspection drags you down to abyssal depths, presumably populated by the spectres of your past.
<Darryl_Collins> Presumably, that is. I don't think I can willfully make past-spectres.
<HollyhockGod> Darryl: There do seem to be a lot of deadly accidents hanging about the place.
- Vauncey clambers out of the hole covered in dust and blood, takes a few steps back, and looks it over, stroking his beard. Is the hole small enough relative to the overall size of the moon to look cool, or will it need to be filled in? If it's not a huge blemish it might be inspiring for poets to have a giraffe in the moon.
<Viola> Can I utilize my insane super senses to detect mischief afoot in my moon?
<HollyhockGod> I suppose it depends on how cool you find giraffes.
<HollyhockGod> Viola: Hm. Someone has left a packet in your room extolling the virtues of abandoning the world and becoming a nun.
<Vauncey> Eh, I'm going to call it good enough. Honestly, I'd like to get this bear trap off and take a shower.
<Viola> I whiff deeply of the scent and track it to its source, my nose transforming into an Olympian blood-hound's in the process
- Vauncey leaves the surface of the moon and returns to the main office, somehow. I'm not totally sure how that works.
<HollyhockGod> Giant cannon!
<HollyhockGod> Man, it would be a shame if someone sabotaged the giant cannon.
<Darryl_Collins> Oh no they *wouldn't*
<HollyhockGod> What I'm trying to say is, instead of being kaboomed to the main office, you're sent hurtling towards the Earth!
<HollyhockGod> So… it's been a while since anybody's seen Vauncey. ^_^
- Viola is growing increasingly frustrated with this.
<Nomen> "Darryl. I don't suppose we can get a judge and start using that whole cutting power we just got to use right now"? Says Nomen as he flies towards soome continet or other
<Darryl_Collins> "Well, we have… Zombie Elvis?"
<Nomen> "I'm growing tired of that guy. Maybe we can get somoeone who hates us to lend more credulosity. Where's Fand?"
<Nomen> "I'd just love for her to be affected by that miracle of yours and decide in our favor cause your moon is going to be just that much better"
<HollyhockGod> Viola is left out by the difficulty in constructing really good deathtraps for her.
<HollyhockGod> She's deeply offended.
<Viola> I AM an immortal, nigh omni-strong demigoddess of flowers
<Darryl_Collins> "Hey, it's your judging sword now. If you'd like to hand it over to someone who hates you, that is your perogative!"
<Viola> But now I am most vexed.
- Viola taxes her new and terrifying shapechanging powers to become something liken unto a true god—a great, gnarled morass of muscled vines studded with eyes that see colors men could never dream.
<Viola> "I am going to get to the bottom of whoever is disturbing my beautiful moon even if I have to search every square inch of it at once."
<Nomen> "Hmmm…no, I should probably not to that for now"
<Nomen> "Meaning we need someone who might actually…like us…I woner if we can get Entropy on the line"
<Darryl_Collins> "That would cover your sword with blood."
<HollyhockGod> Fortunately the swan still has that.
<Nomen> "Blood is cleanable"
<Darryl_Collins> "Anyway, take shome of our shwans for backup and find Vaunshey."
<Darryl_Collins> "I will helpsh by enshanting the shwan sho it knowsh what ish and ishn't Vaunshey."
<Viola> Aspect 7 to coordinate my search of the moon
<Nomen> "Do YOU know what's Vauncey right now?"
<Darryl_Collins> "Nosh, thatsh why Vaunshey-sheeking shwans are nesshishary."
<Nomen> "I'd try to argue with that logic, but, it sounds hilarious. Go for it"
- Darryl_Collins uses a Lesser Enchantment of Audits to grant the swans the power to test whether things are Vauncey and punish those who fail with angry flailing and honking.
<HollyhockGod> Viola spreads through each and every cavern of the moon, searching with perfect precision.
<HollyhockGod> You find no signs of intrusion or lurking deathtraps except for the one you stumble into.
<HollyhockGod> The paths through the moon's caverns are… not right. They don't go the right way. You push through looking for signs of disturbance and you keep getting more lost.
- Vauncey is definitely not there anymore. He hasn't been seen since shooting himself out of the moon cannon! Perhaps there is a connection.
<HollyhockGod> The swans, duly enchanted, sweep forth on their search.
<HollyhockGod> They encounter Nomen. Testing Vauncey y/n….
<HollyhockGod> This is not Vauncey. It must be punished!
<Nomen> I give them an evil glare
<Nomen> I'm REALLY good at it. I invoke my bond of "I am feared by most" in fact
<HollyhockGod> The swans attack you with their honks and flaps and deadly magical sword.
<Darryl_Collins> "Oh whoopsh. Forgotsh about that. *hic*"
<Nomen> How good are the swans at attacking?
<HollyhockGod> This drives off most of the swans, but not the sword-wielder! He is possessed of a killing intent beyond that of a mere holy swan.
<HollyhockGod> He's probably under the evil grip of the blade.
<Nomen> Is he any good at swinging it?
<HollyhockGod> Anyway, he slices off your left wing.
<HollyhockGod> It's a problem.
<Nomen> Wait, I'm Cool
<HollyhockGod> I'm afraid this sword is just too awesome and magical!
<Nomen> That's like a -3 he has to deal with
<Nomen> In that cas,e I'm just cool to be affected by losing a wing
<Nomen> I kill the swan by the way
<HollyhockGod> Swan killed!
<HollyhockGod> Meanwhile you are falling out of the sky and have only one Normal Health Level remaining.
<HollyhockGod> It is just not your day today.
<Nomen> ground can't hurt me that badly, I still have Active Immortality
<HollyhockGod> That's probably what Vauncey said about the moon.
<HollyhockGod> Or Viola, who's still getting increasingly entangled as her search proceeds.
<Nomen> I use my sword to destroy all miracles making things harder for my life
<Viola> I abandon the search and retract back into my being in order to perform a feat of Aspect brilliance to try and determine what the disc's going on
<HollyhockGod> Nomen begins slashing. He slashes a passing cloud, which turns out to have been turned into deadly gas.
<HollyhockGod> He slashes the ground, which was actually cunningly disguised spikes!
<HollyhockGod> He slashes the guy he landed on. Whoops! That was actually a real police officer.
<HollyhockGod> Now you are a fugitive from justice.
<HollyhockGod> Meanwhile, Viola is having difficulty extricating herself.
<HollyhockGod> Police officers pursue Nomen through the streets of St. Petersburg, blowing their whistles and waving automatic weapons!
<Viola> What kind of difficulty?
<HollyhockGod> In fact, it's possible that Viola has managed to fold herself in on herself.
<HollyhockGod> You've become Mobius entangled!
<Viola> That is no great difficulty.
<Viola> I simply shapeshift myself.
<HollyhockGod> You are having difficulty retracting your limbs.
<HollyhockGod> You attempt to become a bear, but become a Mobius-entangled bear.
<Nomen> this is getting out of hand
<Viola> But my form is little more than suggestion. Wherever it touches, it can reintegrate with itself.
<Darryl_Collins> Hm. I shall incarnate into the police attempting to investigate Nomen.
- Viola voices OOC levels of frustration.
<Nomen> Darryl_Collins: That works, I was about to scare them away
<HollyhockGod> Meanwhile, for Vauncey's sake, I shall declare that he likewise lands in St. Petersburg, having taxed the ground or something into not killing him.
<Darryl_Collins> Worry not, for I shall simply use a Lesser Sacrifice to take the audit-nature from the constabulary!
<HollyhockGod> Viola: Fine. You disentangle.
<Vauncey> I wasn't sure if I should be posing in the meantime. I see everything worked out for the best!
<HollyhockGod> stupid immortal shapeshifters escaping my deathtraps
<HollyhockGod> Seriously, though, what the hell is up with all these inescapable deathtraps?
<HollyhockGod> That was kind of happening when you fought the shadow guy, also.
<Nomen> I'm gonna take the kid gloves off to deal witjh theser fellows >.<
- Vauncey removes the bear trap and puts it into a garbage bin.
<Darryl_Collins> You can't wear kid gloves anyway.
<Nomen> I create Night around me if it isn't already night
<Vauncey> "That was entirely irregular. It seems to have been a fortunate accident, though, since I ran into you fellows! What seems to be going on here?" He looks around at the chaos.
- Viola saunters out of the temple-moon and looks up at…well, everything. The sky. The Ash. The countless worlds and the Weirding Wall, which she can perceive only dimly and through great intuition. This form is new, and its keen senses are new, but still she senses a morsel of herself.
<Darryl_Collins> "Well, I am currently the constabulary."
<Darryl_Collins> "And when constabulary duty's to be done- to be done- the policeman's lot is not a happy one."
<Nomen> "I am annoyed. And now I shall make sure these Robbers know who they're dealing with"
<Darryl_Collins> "I would venture to say that they're probably better-informed about us than the reverse."
<Nomen> "Or whoever is acting against us"
<Viola> "I would ask," she says, in an even voice that could be heard throughout the Chancel—not as a yell, but as a simple statement—"that you show yourself to me, by the Accords at Babylon, by the Will of Entropy's Word, and by my own request. "
<Nomen> "Won't matter in a second"
<Nomen> 1 MP to Lesser Motion of Night us back to the Chancel
<HollyhockGod> Nomel night-a-ports away!
<HollyhockGod> Meanwhile, Viola used POLITENESS!
<Vauncey> "Please try to keep a handle on the incidental killing, in any event. We need to save all our killing for the right people!" He grimaces.
<Nomen> "Trust me"
<Nomen> I'm using Greater Divination
<HollyhockGod> Viola senses nothing. Then she senses… Nothing.
<Vauncey> How does one get back to the chancel from St. Petersburg, anyway?
<HollyhockGod> It is a hole in your senses. It is… the opposite of Blossoming.
<Nomen> I want to see, where my Estate has seen anyone who has acted against us
- Viola shudders.
<Viola> Not the Harvest, I take it?
<HollyhockGod> Death himself, sitting in the center of your design, waiting patiently.
<HollyhockGod> Nomen: That would take me quite a long time to list!
<Nomen> Wherever it may be, Nomen will use Lesser Animation of Night to make his estate active and working against them
<HollyhockGod> Viola: He turns his gaze upon the things of the world, and they become weapons against you.
<Nomen> The darkness of the night will not hide the criminals. THe fear of the night will not hold people back from them. The mystical will not make it so they are romantized
<HollyhockGod> Nomen: I think that's going to be a Greater if you want it to be worldwide.
<Nomen> Kay, the Chancel can make it free still
- Viola braces herself, but also bows to show her welcome.
<HollyhockGod> No, because you aren't doing it in the Chancel.
<Nomen> I ported us back there
<Vauncey> Oh, are we all back in the chancel?
<Darryl_Collins> "I am quite concerned, Vauncey. Whoever has been working against us has done so within the auctoritas of our own Chancel, with a million tiny assaults."
<Viola> "I did not think you would be a creature to seek new business," Viola says softly, "when there is already so much on your ledger."
<Darryl_Collins> "This indicates great and terrible power."
<Nomen> [21:31] <HollyhockGod> Nomel night-a-ports away!
<Vauncey> I was not sure if it included the rest of us.
<Vauncey> So much the better!
<Vauncey> "There do seem to be a preponderance of deathtraps, lately," Vauncey muses. "Possibly we should put a tax on deathtraps. in order to recoup some of the expenses incurred."
<HollyhockGod> All things in time. But some things sooner than others.
<Darryl_Collins> "That would be a wise precaution."
<HollyhockGod> You are trouble.
<Viola> "Me, specifically?"
<Nomen> If we AREN'T in the Chancel I'll use 4 DMP anyway >.<
- Viola nods with a dour understanding. "I cannot say that I disagree. But would you provide this humble one the gift of a few small questions?"
<Nomen> All night everywhere WILL work against our enemies
<Vauncey> Being back in the chancel, Vauncey excuses himself and uses an aspect 4 miracle to shower and change clothes with superhuman precision and speed, just in case the shower or clothes are a deathtrap. Thus refreshed, he returns to confer with Darryl.
<HollyhockGod> I suppose I might as well.
<HollyhockGod> Hold on a second while I deathtrap a shower.
<HollyhockGod> Oh, no! Shower lions!
<Nomen> Is my Miracle doing anything?
<Vauncey> "We just had these fixed!" Vauncey fiddles with the taps while headlocking a lion in each arm.
<HollyhockGod> It's probably causing problems for tax evaders worldwide.
<Viola> "I am…not a creature of tax and tithe, even if I should be. But I know you are a creature like my own family: one who takes that the world may continue, that things may grow. Why now, exalted one?" Viola asks, somewhat sadly. "Why do you choose now for them, rather than awaiting their tribute at its appointed hour?"
<Darryl_Collins> "Vauncey, stop using up all the hot lion!"
<Vauncey> (Haha, I don't even know how to follow up to that.)
<HollyhockGod> Well, we only have so many moons, says Death acidly. In truth, I have grown tired of simply waiting for the appointed hour neutrally. I mean, why not do things sensibly and kill awful people first?
<Nomen> "Darryl always did have his weird… fetishes."
<Nomen> (This Death guy is too salty. Did we tax him or something?)
<Viola> "Surely there are… people more awful than they? Is there no room for intention in your collections?"
<HollyhockGod> Well, maybe, but you kind of draw a lot of attention to yourselves.
<Nomen> (Maybe? Come oon, we didn't even kill anyone really)
- Darryl_Collins sighs and sits down, rubbing the stump where his arm used to be. His avian plans were in rubble, Nomen had done the sword thing first and now they were entirely out of lions. The Auditor General brooded for a time, disconsolate, then brightened as he recalled that he was somewhat drunk.
<Viola> "I cannot fault your logic," Viola says, bowing again. "But I am compelled to ask, on their behalf: Is there anything that can stay your hand? I know they are…I know they are energetic. Troublingly so. But I also know this: They have not Blossomed yet, my lord. You do not sense the things they may become, but I live with the dream of it daily."
<Nomen> Scares lions away. He is still feared by most.
<HollyhockGod> You just sliced a bunch of holy swans and a policeman. Also everybody who was on the moon and not immortal.
- Vauncey eventually manages to shower and change clothes successfully despite the lions, presumably. Cats don't really like water, and all. He comes out of the bathroom wearing a monogrammed purple bathrobe, pointing a thumb over his shoulder to the closed door. "Careful if you go in there," he says. "Shower lions."
<Nomen> At least one of those onlty happened cause this one guy here won't stop tryting to kill us
<Nomen> And the moon was self defense
<HollyhockGod> Death frowns. He should really stop trying to talk to people and letting them be reasonable at him. Well… I really shouldn't, but I tell you what. If you can build up your credit column of good deeds before the end of the year, you don't have to die. I mean, you do. But not immediately.
<Darryl_Collins> "Mmm. Well, Vaunshey, thish doesh sheem to call for shtrong action. Maybe a letter-writing campaign. Or a protesht."
<Vauncey> (Darryl should use the auditor properties to make everything we do for the best all the time. fiat morality!)
<HollyhockGod> You can prove yourselves by doing some great act of service to Creation.
<HollyhockGod> Oh, yeah, and you nuked South Dakota from orbit.
<Nomen> (I'm already making tax evaders liofe harder, that gotta counts for something)
<Viola> (Just out of curiosity…am I talking to a Power or an Imperator?)
<Nomen> I moved away South Dakota before that happened remeber?
<HollyhockGod> You destroyed a bunch of valuable farmland!
<HollyhockGod> Viola: He sounds annoyed, so he's probably a Power.
<Nomen> Nomen overall tries to make sure things don't end that badly for innocents
<Darryl_Collins> "I know what you're thinking, Vaunshey, but auditsh are shometimes for the besht yet alwaysh painful. And I do not like to hurtsh people, Vaunshey."
<Darryl_Collins> "Thankfully I have no qualmsh about standing by whilsht states get nuked, provided they are not Ohio."
<Viola> "…I am inclined to agree to your terms, my lord," Viola says, approaching slowly with her hand out stretched. "For the good of my Familia."
<Nomen> "You need a shower to get rid of this drunkenness."
- Nomen pushes Darryl into the shower already
- Nomen and turns the Cold knob
<Darryl_Collins> "But the lionsh…!"
- Vauncey nods sympathetically. "I know how you feel, lad. But, ah—sometimes a man has to take things into his own hands, after all." He takes a swig of brandy. "Has anyone seen Viola?"
<HollyhockGod> Death shakes your hand, shapelessly.
<HollyhockGod> Darryl hears a hissing in the pipes, and a muted roar.
<HollyhockGod> …then water happens.
- Viola invokes her new Death-Wrestling Prana.
<Nomen> "I'll deal with them. Don't worry about anything. Just…take…your…clothes…off."
<HollyhockGod> Cold, non-deadly water.
<HollyhockGod> Oh, no! Sudden but inevitable betrayal.
<Viola> Aspect 9! +4 Strike
<HollyhockGod> Death is taken aback by your unexpected martial arts lunge. This wasn't in your dossier at all!
<HollyhockGod> You take the shapeless shape of death in your two good hands and pin it against the firmament.
<HollyhockGod> Entropy momentarily ceases.
- Nomen scrubs Darryl real hard.
<Viola> "I am inclined to accept your offer, my lord," Viola says, her voice now like a knife. "But I do not negotiate in bad faith with spectres, wraiths, and jack-a-napes."
<HollyhockGod> This has become unexpectedly intimate.
<HollyhockGod> Let me update my shipping wall.
<Nomen> (Jackanape is one single word I think. Or so Empowered has taught me)
<HollyhockGod> Nomen <3 Darryl, check
<HollyhockGod> Viola <3< Death, hm, that's new.
<Nomen> We're homosuckers now.
- Vauncey sits alone, in the sitting room, isolated from the weirdness. He takes another drink.
<Nomen> "I'll go get more soap."
<HollyhockGod> Cancers begin blossoming in Viola's flesh as Death struggles against her grip.
<Darryl_Collins> Thankfully, Darryl ingested a large amount of the honey of introspection while on the protomoon earlier, and is therefore not affected by this breach of the social norms!
- Nomen leaves the shower…then presses the discharge in the toilet, making all the water go blistering hot out of nowhere!
<Viola> "My Familia is weird," she says, and squeezes. "My Familia is… rebellious. And often inept. And perhaps dangerous, yes, but danger is good for your business. Excepting of course, for the danger I currently present."
- HollyhockGod updates his shipping wall, adding a ???? to the Nomen/Darryl ship.
<Nomen> (I'm just a tsundere.)
- Darryl_Collins falls backward in shock from the sudden heat, but is unable to catch himself due to his lack of an arm. He crashes through the shower glass.
<Nomen> "Got your game back together? Good, now go find a judge!"
<Nomen> "Oh don't be so much of a dork. I lost a wing and only crashed once!
<Viola> "The price you pay for endangering them without the courtesy of open malice," she says, leaning her ever-shifting face closer to death's own as she lets her cancer-gnarled hands tighten further, "is that I collect your fucking head."
<HollyhockGod> Darryl is brushed by quite a lot of sharp glass and also boiling water, but it doesn't hurt.
<HollyhockGod> Gee, it's like the process of entropy in the universe has stopped or something.
- Nomen leaves to go tame a lion or something.
- Vauncey sighs, hauls himself to his feet, and gives a gentle knock on the bathroom door. "Everything all right in there? Let me know if you need me to fight the lions."
<HollyhockGod> Your eyes are ticking spherical time bombs. The light that brushes up against your body is a cutting sword. The ground you take root in is poisoned.
- Vauncey steps back in surprise as Nomen exits the bathroom. He looks after him as he leaves, then back into the room, one eyebrow raised.
- Darryl_Collins pulls himself to the door and uses the doorknob to leverage himself upward. He opens it, unconcerned by his nudity because he's always wearing his formal wear and hat.
<HollyhockGod> Why won't you DIE
<Vauncey> "Everything all right there?"
<Vauncey> (This bathroom thing is even more epic than the wrestling with death thing.)
<Nomen> "Good enough. Now fetch me a lion. And a whip."
<Viola> "I have died!" Viola screams, and her body sheds a layer of identity, leaving a bright-eyed boy, bare-chested and muscled, wrestling death.
<Nomen> "I believe our Chancel's bureaucracy could be improved by the addition of trained lions. And anyone who disagrees has got another thing coming"
<HollyhockGod> What did you do with the lions you had?
<HollyhockGod> Death… breaks.
<Darryl_Collins> "Did anyone else just hear someone yelling?"
<Nomen> "These days I've heard yelling of all kinds all tthe time"
<HollyhockGod> And Viola dies again, not once but twice.
- Vauncey tuts. "Let's keep it businesslike, hm? We need to focus on the matter at hand. We've got a saboteur to catch, and a moon to finish."
<Nomen> "I want those lions, Vauncey!"
<HollyhockGod> Once as her human identity regenerates again, and once as Blossoming cracks open and devours Death.
<Darryl_Collins> "You're right, of course, Vauncey. Those things won't just take care of themselves."
<HollyhockGod> There is a sudden, pregnant silence as Creation tries to figure out what the hell this implies.
<HollyhockGod> And then it was nine-o'clock!
- You are now known as RandBrittain
- Viola am become Death.
<RandBrittain> ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
- Viola is now known as Elliott
- Nomen is now known as DukeGod
<RandBrittain> Death And Taxes: Be the Power of Death and the Power of something else at the same time.
- Darryl_Collins is now known as Rimblade
<DukeGod> Maaan, Morkai's is gonna resent missing this one
<DukeGod> This one was COOOL.