Department Of PLAUDITS, or, TRIAL of Funds

<Hollyhock God> The contest is over, so now it's time for your Committee on Truth and Reconciliation.

<Hollyhock God> Also known as the audit of Audits.

<Hollyhock God> People who missed last week can find the log on the wiki.

<Darryl_Collins> So, where are we holding this event?

<Hollyhock God> That is up to you!

  • Deathblossom puts on his finest shapeshifted-skin tuxedo, the one made of blackening mulberry leaves, alongside a crown of beautiful flowers.

<Hollyhock God> Well, not you.

<Hollyhock God> You are the prisoner at the bar.

<Deathblossom> Also, thorns.

<Darryl_Collins> I'm going to need an attorney.

<Darryl_Collins> Fine. An attorney and a gardener.

  • Nomen has new sorcerer robes.

<Vauncey> Let's not hold it anyplace where lots of people will die if the moon falls on it.

<Vauncey> Just a thought.

<Vauncey> I guess that does narrow it down, though.

<Hollyhock God> I guess you could look for an attorney, or even play your attorney yourself if you like!

<Hollyhock God> In fact it would probably be way more fun to play your attorney instead of yourself tonight.

<Hollyhock God> Then you can invent all kinds of delightful facts to exculpate yourself!

<Darryl_Collins> That's an excellent point. And thankfully, there's an excellent attorney ready and waiting in the wings.

  • Darryl_Collins is now known as Elvis Presley
  • Hollyhock God hails to the King.

<Elvis Presley> "Ah-thankya, ladies and gentlemen. Thankya very much."

<Nomen> (Is this the dead Elvis zombie we brought back?)

<Hollyhock God> (This is the dead Elvis zombie you brought back.)

<Hollyhock God> "Order! Order in the court!" calls Yordael, your angelic Imperator whose name I totally did not have to look up.

<Nomen> "Do you think it's a good time for me to pledge innocence?" Nomen asks Vauncey.

<Elvis Presley> "Yessir, y'r honor. Thankya very much."

  • Vauncey thinks it over seriously. "I think you'd like to avoid making statements of fact, if possible."

<Vauncey> "Really, facts are more trouble than they're worth in any case. That's what I always say." Probably this is a lie, as you cannot remember Vauncey saying this in the past.

<Nomen> "And what if they put me on stand?"

<Hollyhock God> Is one of you going to prosecute?

<Hollyhock God> Or should I bring in another zombie?

<Vauncey> We could have Nomen prosecute, I guess. Then he wouldn't have to testify.

<Nomen> You know for a fact that is not quite true. He might call for himself.

  • Elvis Presley strums his acoustic guitar.

<Hollyhock God> None of the bad things Nomen ever did were because he had to.

<Hollyhock God> Ah, well, he can still prosecute.

<Hollyhock God> Since he's the one who's angry anyway.

<Nomen> Oh, fine then.

<Vauncey> It's important to be angry because it's good TV when you yell things.

<Nomen> "Shall we proceed, before this salt of the earth who defends the unjust soothes us?"

<Hollyhock God> "Court is now in session," intones Yordael. "The prosecutor may begin to present his case."

  • Vauncey is glad he doesn't have to prosecute, because he kind of likes Darryl, and also he had a long night and doesn't want to do all that standing.

<Hollyhock God> "What are the charges?"

<Nomen> "Theft, Robbery, Larcerny, High Treason, Low Treason, Unwarranted Manipulation of Divine Animals, Unauthorized Changing of the Regulations, and Jaywalking."

  • Nomen just throws a lot of charges he read about.

<Hollyhock God> "And murder."

<Elvis Presley> "Dum-a-dum-a-dum-a-dum, oooo-oooo."

<Nomen> "Sure, murder too."

<Hollyhock God> "Yes, let that be added to the charge sheet, in accordance with my prophecy."

  • Nomen whispers to Vauncey, "Murder is a crime?"

<Elvis Presley> "Your honor, thankya very much, we object. The bird in question were a swan, not a jay, so there can't be no jaywalking."

<Vauncey> "Pretty sure," says Vauncey, sotto voce. He checks his cheat sheet to be sure.

  • Deathblossom makes a mental note to provide expert testimony on murder that may or may not involve manipulating the cosmological constant of its referrant.

<Hollyhock God> "Agreed. The charge of jaywalking should be dropped."

<Vauncey> Actually, there are a lot of kinds of murder. Some of these we haven't even tried yet.

<Nomen> "Well, we passed by a forest, he can't prove there weren't jays there."

<Hollyhock God> "Agreed. The charge of jaywalking should be un-dropped."

  • Elvis Presley hangs his head and turns to his client. "Looks like it's gonna be a blue trial."

<Deathblossom> "Objection," Deathblossom says. "Possibility is not even probability, and jays would not have been in the region during that season."

<Hollyhock God> "Now, let the first witness be called!"

<Hollyhock God> "That is for the jury to decide."

<Hollyhock God> Yordael gestures at the jury beehive.

  • Elvis Presley provides a musical sting.
  • Deathblossom considers whether or not murdering everyone at the trial is a valid legal strategy for the Familia.

<Nomen> "Witness…right, I know a demon who will with 100% claim that Darryl commited all those crimes."

<Hollyhock God> "Let the witness be brought forth."

<Hollyhock God> And so it is done!

  • Nomen performs his black profane rituals to summon the thing

<Hollyhock God> There is no need! Sptianger is called forth by the power of legal procedure.

<Nomen> "This is….Spite and Anger, High Baron of the Fifth Quadrant!"

<Nomen> "Now, Spite and Anger, was that man" *points in Darryl's general direction* "The one to commit the crimes?"

<Hollyhock God> "That is not how you say it," says the demon, morosely.

<Hollyhock God> "Yeah, he did all the crimes."

<Nomen> "See, he confirmed it, twice even."

<Hollyhock God> "He, uh… which crime was it you wanted him to be guilty of again?"

<Nomen> "Mooning? Something about animals, also treason. Theft? Oh, and murder. Also swanwalking, yeah."

  • Vauncey consults the cheat sheet to make sure those are actual crimes.

<Elvis Presley> "Ooo-de-dooo-de-dooobjection, your honor. We're here about jaywalking, not swanwalking."

<Hollyhock God> "Yeah! It was just yesterday that he mooned me! I was walking through the park, and there was his enormous ass."

<Hollyhock God> "Objection sustained."

<Nomen> "Then we'd like to re-add Jaywalking."

<Hollyhock God> "We already did that."

<Nomen> "Well, proceed then."

  • Elvis Presley picks out a light chord.

<Nomen> "I think this is the part in Due Process where we summon Denno and he gets carried away?"

  • Nomen caught up on his legal knowledge by watching Hawaii 5-0.

<Elvis Presley> "You're forgetting the cross-examination, thankya, thankya very much."

<Hollyhock God> "Cross-examination may begin."

<Nomen> "Eerm, Vaucey, a little help here?"

<Elvis Presley> "Thankya, thankya very much. Mr. Sptianger, do you recognize this object?"

  • Elvis Presley produces a cross and thrusts it at the demon for examination.

<HollyhockGod> "Gaaaaaaaaaaah!"

<HollyhockGod> The demon screams and smokes.

<Elvis Presley> "By the power of God, I cast out thy false testimony! Confess!"

<HollyhockGod> "I confess! I did everything! I mooned myself!"

<HollyhockGod> "I'll even do it again! Behold!"

  • Nomen closes his eyes, 'cause he knows what comes next isn't pretty.

<HollyhockGod> Send it back! Send it back!

<Elvis Presley> "Conflicted testimony, dum-de-dum-de-doo? Well, dubia in meliorem partem interpretari debent, ladies and gents."

  • Elvis Presley puts the cross away.

<Elvis Presley> "No further questions, your honor, thankya very much."

<Nomen> "I think we all need a break after that, your honor!"

<HollyhockGod> "Request denied. Please call your next witness."

<HollyhockGod> The jury buzzes, angered by the horror conjured up by the defense.

<Nomen> "I suppose we'll call Deathblossom."

  • Deathblossom stretches to the witness stand, Mister Fantastic-style.

<Nomen> "You were there when Darryl and I were in a shouting match about how he stole the moon because we were unworthy, correct?"

<Deathblossom> "Yes."

<Elvis Presley> (My sister just came in and told me I have been cooked dinner. I shall need to spend a few minutes eating it with her. I apologize!)

<HollyhockGod> The prosecution rests, for now!

<Vauncey> (Extended dinner is a classic diversionary tactic designed to force a settlement.)

<Nomen> (My family doesn't do dinner. We just grab different junk.)

<Elvis Presley> (I am back. Sorry.)

<Vauncey> (No worries!)

<Nomen> (So, we were interrogating Death, right?)

<HollyhockGod> That is correct.

<Nomen> "Also, were you as well there when he killed the…….mangirlanimal…being?"

<Deathblossom> "Which is that, again?" Deathblossom asks, only half-interested.

<Nomen> "Eeeerm… you know, the being he is accused of murdering."

  • Elvis Presley fills the pregnant silence with a poignant harmony.
  • Deathblossom's eyes flash over with an inky blackness, filled with pinprick stars. "I have, within my deepest consciousness, a dim but everpresent awareness of every being to have ever passed beyond mortality. Perhaps you can understand the need for specificity."

<Nomen> "It was….a living being."

<Nomen> "I'm sure your honor is already aware of who the being is, don't worry about details,"

<Elvis Presley> "Objection, thankya very much, nobody's told defense yet who was murdered."

<Elvis Presley> "Unless this is just murder generally."

<Nomen> "It's probably written in the file, you should read it."

<Elvis Presley> "All-a-lalla-lall you sent us was a couple pages of pictures with angry-faced monsters drawn in crayon."

<Nomen> "Well, I'm sure that's actually some long lost language of magic."

<Nomen> "I am a sorcerer, after all."

<HollyhockGod> It's only logical.

<Elvis Presley> "I'll defer to your expertise, then. I'm just the zombie of the king of rock-n-roll animated by an unquenchable thirst for the very essence of truth."

  • Elvis Presley gives a rictus grin, his empty eyes briefly showing a mad yearning which can never be answered.

<Nomen> "Yes, how good we are both following our career paths."

<Nomen> "I suppose you'll want to…cross-examine her? Or fire-examine, dunno."

<Elvis Presley> "Certainly. Death and Blossoming, is it not true that your Familia, not counting the auspices of your new dominion, is altogether responsible for the deaths of millions of innocents?"

  • Elvis Presley strums a sad chord.

<Nomen> "Objection! That's pretty much the same as pleading guilty on murder!"

<Elvis Presley> "The difference is significant, thankya very much."

  • Deathblossom considers this for a moment, setting a great gnarled hand to his chin.

<Deathblossom> "It is true. But it is equally true of every other Familia, and every other entity, and every other event, and every other phenomenon within and without Creation. All things are culpable in the deaths of innocents. Such is my adjudication."

<Elvis Presley> "So the difference between murder and the regular killing for which everyone else is responsible is intent, ro-ro-ro-roight?"

<Elvis Presley> "Did you ever witness Darryl Collins intentionally kill anyone?"

<Deathblossom> "I am not privvy to the interior lives of my Familia."

<Elvis Presley> "Sounds like a no. No further questions, thankya very much."

  • Elvis Presley strums a power chord and turns on the heel of one foot.

<HollyhockGod> "Next witness?"

<Nomen> "I think I'm out of those.

<HollyhockGod> This is a very lackadaisical prosecution. Are you even mad anymore?

<Vauncey> I wasn't here, but I guess I could be a character witness.

<Nomen> He's mad about the moon stealing, not particularly about murder.

<Elvis Presley> "Perhaps my soothing melodies and subtle crooning have dimmed the fires of betrayal."

  • Elvis Presley hums gently.

<Vauncey> You could drop the murder charge, I guess.

<HollyhockGod> True; I was sort of hoping you'd make something crazy up and roll with it.

<Nomen> Well the thing is, I have a affliction that says "I can't lie."

<Vauncey> It would be easier with Deathblossom's corroboration!

<HollyhockGod> Make up true stuff!

<Elvis Presley> Accuse him angrily of totally correct nonsense!

<Nomen> I kinda was? I mean, the demon was an attempt at that.

<Elvis Presley> Demons and vampires can't stand up to cross examination.

<Nomen> "Wait!"


<HollyhockGod> It might be a better bet to call up someone like Fand and ask her to talk about the night when Darryl and the Queen of Diamonds disappeared into the bottom of a mine, but she never returned

<Nomen> What nooo, Nomen hates Fand.

<Nomen> He hates her more than Darryl. I mean Darryl is just a traitor; Fand was evading taxes.

<Vauncey> You're allowed to call witnesses you hate!

<Vauncey> One can hardly imagine prosecution without it.

<Nomen> But I'm just gonna shoot her into a black hole.

<HollyhockGod> Well, summon who you want to, then! It's your prosecution!

<Deathblossom> (Sorry guys, feeling kind of ill.)


<Nomen> "The accused party is not Darryl."

  • Elvis Presley plays a shocked sting.
  • Deathblossom has quit.

<Nomen> "As such, before we'd like to call Darryl to testify…"

<Nomen> "However, Darryl had a bit too much of this "honey" that caused him to have an "epiphany."

  • Vauncey puts a hand to his chin thoughtfully, narrowing his eyes. Hm!

<Nomen> "Since such a thing was brought upon by magical means, and not pure inner reflection, the accused party is merely a unwilling offshoot of Darryl"

<Nomen> "I'd propose that first, he be separated. Or forked into the actual Darryl and this…Darylla."

<Elvis Presley> "Ob-jet, ob-jure, ob-jalala-laection, your honor! That was the honey of introspection, and therefore such a manifestation must be even more like Darryl Collins than he normally is!"

<HollyhockGod> "The court must first have an explanation of this hypothetical honey-based transformation."

<Nomen> "During the process of the rebuilding of the moon, destroyed through unknown means (by which I mean, no one really knows what happens inside a black hole) a contest was initiated to see who could build another moon. Us, or this other party."

<Nomen> "In the creation of the moon, a certain "honey" which I will now refer to as "Evidence Z" was added to the core of the moon. The Evidence Z was allegedly capable of causing one to look upon one's own feelings and thoughts, and bring forth a change for the best."

<Nomen> "HOWEVER! There were only two cases where the honey was ever drunk. One was Darryl himself, who produced this disturbed offshoot, that EVEN NOW TRIES TO PROVE HIMSELF AS LEGIT!"

*<Nomen>** "I'd like to point out that, saying that someone is that someone is a tactic often used by someone who is not actually that someone!"

<HollyhockGod> "But I am that someone," says "Darryl." "I have an audit that proves it!"

<Nomen> "As one can see through all of creation, where so many guilty people said they were innocent, when they were not actually innocent!"

<Nomen> "So, we can't take that claim, nor any that stem from it, as true."

<HollyhockGod> "Logical," says 'Darryl'. "However, I can propose a test!"

<Nomen> "Leaving, the only claim that Darryl is not Darryl, but rather someone else, as true."

<Nomen> "So, we should change him back to how he was!"

<Elvis Presley> "My client proposes a test, your honor. Thankya very much."

<HollyhockGod> "I propose that the Evidence Z be administered to a neutral party, such as the prosecuting attorney."

<HollyhockGod> "If he becomes someone else, then his claim must be true!"

<Elvis Presley> "We submit this trial to the court, your honor. Thank ya. Thankya very much."

<HollyhockGod> "Hm," says Yordael.

<Nomen> "Do not take me for a fool!"

<HollyhockGod> "Yes," the judge finally agrees. "Let the test be performed. Bring forth Exhibit Z!"

<Nomen> "I knew you were going to propose that, because I can understand how you think, further proof that you are not Darryl, as I could never understand how he thought!"

<Nomen> "Which leads me to. The second case of where someone drank from the Evidence Z…"

<Nomen> "Myself."

  • Elvis Presley submits a motion to the Moon, which shines a brief amber as it releases introspective photons from its very core. At last, a crystal vial of the mystical honey descends unto the courtroom for the observation of the jury.

<Nomen> "During a certain tea party, Darryla, having then already taken the honey, offered me some honey!"

<Nomen> "Of which I drank."

<Nomen> "What stemmed from that, were a series of events in which we were locked into a different time because of me myself having caused several changes to the course of history."

<Nomen> "Which clearly proves that the honey does not make one better, but rather worse."

<Nomen> "Ooor, I suppose I could just have another of the thing and we see what happens. Can't say I'm not curious."

<HollyhockGod> "Suits me fine," says 'Darryl.'

  • Elvis Presley presents the prosecution with the shining amber honey.
  • Elvis Presley hums with a touch of awe.
  • Nomen punches Elvis in the face, then throws the thing down.

<HollyhockGod> Nomen realizes that punching Elvis is wrong.

<Nomen> "Hmm. This is interesting."

  • Nomen kicks Elvis while he's down

<Nomen> "I must experiment."

<HollyhockGod> Kicking people is wrong!

<Elvis Presley> "Ooof!"

<Nomen> Does knowing that it is wrong affects me in any other way?

<HollyhockGod> It hurts! Doing things that are wrong feels bad.

<Nomen> "Hmmm, this doesn't seem good. Anyone give me a taxable good."

<HollyhockGod> The court summons a small expense account.

<HollyhockGod> That's how useful Imperial miracles are!

  • Nomen opens a black hole and throws it in. Also, the defense's desk. And the prosecutioner's.

<HollyhockGod> You're causing inconvenience to other people! Those desks were expensive!

<Nomen> "We have a problem. I believe I will soon be incapable of doing my job if this thing keeps doing its stuff. Someone find a cure and FAST!"

<Nomen> "Wait, I know, it must be like poison. One must suck it out."


<Nomen> (pause to laugh)

<HollyhockGod> And thus it was that Nomen and Darryl made out. Probably.

<HollyhockGod> One or more of them may have been someone else.

<Elvis Presley> "???"

<HollyhockGod> Also Elvis may object.

<Nomen> (I just realized that probably wouldn't work)

<HollyhockGod> Nomen feels bad for hurting Elvis' feelings, although he doesn't really understand why zombie Elvis would be upset.

<Elvis Presley> "Your honor, we move that the prosecution stop beating me up."

<HollyhockGod> "Sustained."

<Nomen> "Wait, not good. I must have gotten his poison into my system. We merely exchanged inner fluids."

<Nomen> "Vauncey! I need you to suck me!"

<HollyhockGod> "The court also demands that the prosecution's lips be cleared. I am beginning to feel uncomfortable."

<Nomen> (I imagine this will soon stop being funny.)

<Elvis Presley> "Your honor, we move that the prosecution stop kissing people."

<HollyhockGod> "Sustained, and gladly."

  • Vauncey leaps to his feet and cracks his knuckles, having been given the official imprimatur. "I'll see what I can do, Your Honour."

<Nomen> "OBJECTION!"

<Nomen> "This court has suffered so many deturpations of its purpose it might as well not be a court anymore et al!"

<Nomen> "I move that we just proceed through with the natural course of the nature and kill the accused."

<Nomen> "Or enact whatever punishment is deemed fit!"

<HollyhockGod> "I'm seriously considering it."

<Nomen> (Also known as "The Insanity Attack")

  • Vauncey clambers over the seats, because there isn't really room to get past the other people. He sidles up to Nomen, holding up a hand to stay him. "Okay, okay, just….shh. A second."

<Nomen> (Not just the defense can claim Insanity! HAH!!)

<HollyhockGod> "However, first, let us call my remaining Nobles to the stand and hear their testimony. Then, I will tell the jury what their decision is to be."

<Nomen> "I think the thing is passing don't worry. Don't suppose you're willing to let me throw some more stuff into the black hole to see what happens?"

<HollyhockGod> Opening black holes in people's courtrooms is wrong.

<Nomen> "It's not passing et al."

<Vauncey> "All right, all right, let's see what we can do here."

<Nomen> (So, was that more like the court scene we were expecting?)

<HollyhockGod> …that was not like anything I was expecting.

<HollyhockGod> Anyway, the court calls Vauncey to the stand!

  • Vauncey smoothes out his jacket and has a seat in the witness stand.

<Nomen> (I found it funny cause apparently I'm still 10 at my brain.)

<HollyhockGod> Well, try to interrogate this witness without making out with him.

<HollyhockGod> That would be wrong.

<Nomen> "AAarfgh."

<Vauncey> It's only wrong to make out with Vauncey in a very limited set of circumstances, so take heart.

<Nomen> "Vauncey! Tell us the events of the night when the moon was stolen."

<Nomen> (My time to go AFK a bit, grabbing pizza.)

  • Vauncey takes a deep breath before he begins to speak. "Well, we were all together at first, putting the finishing touches on the moon. We had built up quite a bit of a wax layer, and were working on studding the moon with precious gemstones, when I was reminded by the gemstones that I had a report to finish — the Goldbrick evaluation — and excused myself to go work on that while the rest of my Familia continued to work on the finishing touches."

<Vauncey> "When I got back to the office, I noticed that I had quite an email backlog built up, and that an old colleague by the name of Chorus had contacted me a few days ago trying to reach me quite urgently. So you may recall that I was out quite late that night, as I had to take a flight immediately, on account of the only-fly zone."

<Vauncey> Vauncey continues in this vein for quite a while, recounting his absence during the final steps of the moon-building. It sounds kind of familiar, so it might be true, but it also sounds kind of implausible, so it might be a lie?

<Vauncey> "Well, by the time I got back, everyone was fast asleep, Darryl included. But it was quite late by that time. You were sleeping in a rather hilarious position, as I recall."

<Elvis Presley> "Objection, your honor, if it was hilarious then everyone must now laugh."

<HollyhockGod> "Sustained."

  • Elvis Presley gives a lyrical chortle.
  • Vauncey chuckles in a knowing, grandfatherly manner.

<Vauncey> "Ah, well, excuse me. In any case — I believe the moon was still there at that point, though it was quite dark — it was very late at night, you know — so I didn't get a clear look. It was a new moon, after all. In any case, I returned to my quarters rather than sleeping with the rest of you, because I had to shower and change out of my spelunking gear. It took me quite a while to sleep off the fight, and when I returned late the following morning the moon was gone, and the rest of you had already left."

  • Vauncey seems like a very credible witness, due to his Respectable Beard!

<Vauncey> However, many questions are left unanswered.

<Vauncey> Also, that explanation took like 20 minutes.

<HollyhockGod> "That sounded credible."

<Elvis Presley> "The defense is very impressed by how credible this witness is."

  • Vauncey is incredibly credible.

<HollyhockGod> Yes, we've determined in your absence that Vauncey's testimony is incredibly believable.

<HollyhockGod> It is up to you to unravel the uncredible truth!

  • Elvis Presley does a little defensive dance in the manner of bees, helping to bolster the jury's impression of his role.

<HollyhockGod> Hm. Maybe we shoud speed things up a bit.

<HollyhockGod> Next time we do a trial I'll tell everybody to think up some really good insinuations first.

<Nomen> "Well, this one is easy, shut and open."

<Elvis Presley> "But you didn't prove or demonstrate anything."

<Nomen> "Vauncey, was there ever a time you went to sleep following a fight? Did it involve betrayal happening during the sleep?"

<Vauncey> (We could split the trial into several episodes! that would be realistically grinding and expensive)

<Elvis Presley> (I'm not ready to front myself thousands of dollars!)

<HollyhockGod> (I don't feel like that would result in my receiving the HG of the Year award.)

<HollyhockGod> "I think I am ready to direct a verdict," announces Yordael.

<Nomen> "But, your honor, I'm not done with Vauncey."

<Nomen> "Just, let him answer this one question, and then we'll finish it."

<HollyhockGod> "Very well."

<Nomen> "Well, Vauncey?"

<Nomen> "Did you ever sleep after a fight, and did that involve betrayal?"

  • Vauncey nods. "Oh, it's happened quite a few times. Why, once during the war — but I digress."

<Nomen> "Well, that is enough."

<HollyhockGod> "Are you then prepared to hear my verdict?"

<Nomen> "For my closing arguments. As we all know, Vauncey's past has been reelvant to the situation always. However he was a weird past, and as such only remembers the most relevant parts. Since he DOES remember sleeping at similar circunstances and it did involve betrayal, and this is relevant to the situation. We know that Darryl is a betrayer."

<Elvis Presley> "For my closing: everything that guy just said is bullshit. Thankya. Thankya very much."

  • Vauncey rises, smoothes out his jacket, and returns to his seat silently.

<HollyhockGod> "Then I shall speak."

<HollyhockGod> "The defense has told us that everything the prosecution has said is bullshit."

<HollyhockGod> "But is that true?"

<HollyhockGod> "I look upon this taradiddle, and I see that things pretty much like this have been going on for years."

<HollyhockGod> "Have been going on so hard, in fact, that the defendant was moved to betray his family and attempt to remove them from office, lest they do even more damage."

<HollyhockGod> "Clearly each of you is infected with a most tiresome caprice."

<HollyhockGod> "Thus, I shall render a verdict of Guilty upon each of you, and sentence you to a trial of sincerity."

  • Elvis Presley strikes up an intensely serious and judgmental song.
  • Vauncey frowns at his cheat sheet. This isn't on there at all!

<HollyhockGod> "Should you pass through the trial, and return home in time to process all of the returns for this fiscal year, you may keep your jobs. If not, you shall die."

<HollyhockGod> "Court is now dismissed."

<HollyhockGod> And thus, the court vanishes, zombie and all.

<HollyhockGod> You find yourself falling endlessly through darkness, only to land…

<Elvis Presley> "Thankya. Thankya very mu-"

<HollyhockGod> …ah, but we can work that out next week!

<HollyhockGod> Something with boiling oil in it, perhaps.

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