Game Night
  • The GM bangs a gong all throughout the Discord, calling all errant Strategists to account.

GM: I summon and abjure thee all by means of a long and terrible wooden spoon!

Semegastes: It begins.

Sadabus: What?

Semegastes: These are the dreams that dreams do dream of.

These are the fuck ups that fuck ups doth up fuck.

GM: This docket calls for some professional level up-fuckery.

GM: This is a story of Sadabus Argand and the Tri-County Chapter of the Rider’s Abstinence Society.

Sadabus: Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

GM: It's a rainy Friday evening. It's not hot outside, but the station's AC is kind of an all-or-nothing affair, so it's cold as the tundra inside the main studio.

You're not far off from tonight's broadcast!

But who's show is it?

Sadabus: This sounds like a job for some FLAMING BRAZIERS.

Semegastes: The Spoiled Meat Hour will have to wait, alas.

  • Sadabus snaps his fingers and ignites some of the convenient braziers he keeps around because seriously what kind of TV station doesn't maintain large open fires?

Radegesis: Hot!

GM: Poppy, one of the interns who seems to haunt the station, startles at the sudden increase of fire.

Sadabus: Since I am in charge of this episode's focus, and also of the TV station and all Chancery members within it, I shall claim the broadcast for tonight.

Gailizia: Gailizia smiles at her. "Don't worry about it! It's just fire."

Sadabus: I will read out the letters the people of the world have sent to me and give them the benefit of my wisdom.

Sadabus: Then I may broadcast some old Marx Brothers movies.

You see, it is funny because he pretends to be the other man's reflection!

GM: What roll, if any, do the other Chancery members take in this particular broadcast? There's always, always, always a shortage of workers in the station—someone is always stuck with double- or triple-duty.

Gailizia: Gailizia is always fit to play opposite someone so dignified!

Sadabus: Yes, you can play all the other roles in the little skits I do to demonstrate how to carry out my advice.

It helps if you're good at death scenes.

Semegastes: There's Semegastes-colonies all over the station: Everett Neff, still trembling from thirty-six sleepless hours of surveillance fueled by gas station no-doze pills; the Technical Kids, doing absolutely no technical work whatsoever, and quite possibly getting high in the bathroom; Slab Taylor, probably doing something that requires her impressive muscle.

Radegesis: Advice usually pisses Radegesis the hell off, so she's gonna have to pay awful specific Attention to catch the real annoying shit. And probably botch a death scene once or twice.

Sadabus: Well, okay, I don't think every episode of Ask Lord Sadabus is the Kill Your Family Show.

But it is somewhat notable in that it is sometimes the Kill Your Family Show.

Radegesis: Radegesis gets really into being the "Kill X" guy which is why she's not usually allowed to play that role.

It's bad for scenery!

Sadabus: You give detailed instructions to one teenager on how to murder their parents to avoid being sent to gay conversion therapy and people start calling you a menace.

Gailizia: Gailizia gently smiles at Radegesis and pats on a seat next to her, inviting her to join her for the skits if she's not going to do something else.

Radegesis: Radegesis scowls and sits, doing the "I'm watching you" to Sadabus.

Sadabus: Oh, mighty master of games, what advice is besought of me today?

Radegesis: She very deliberately isn't looking at Gailizia. Instead she cups her hands to yell. "Read that one about the teddy bear!"

Sadabus: "I can't advise on that one until I find out if the bear actually is talking."

"That makes a bit of a difference."

Semegastes: Something terrible stirs in Everett's subconscious. "Talking bears… that's what Bigfoot is, you know."

Gailizia: Gailizia crosses her legs and does a demure impression, hands resting on top of each other on her thighs. Her face paint is simple white, with a red smile and black eye accents. "You could always do a two-parter. Or teach them how to make it talk? I forget if that was good or bad in that one."

Radegesis: (Fugue Chip, because I almost just choked.)

Semegastes: (Gailizia or Seme?)

Radegesis: (Semegastes, also we cannot possibly refer to Semegastes as "Seme".)

Sadabus: "It's quite simple to make a bear talk. Much more difficult to ensure it does not turn on its master."

Radegesis: "That's what the advice is for, asshole!" As always, Radegesis gets autoredacted while on air. Maybe just on set. Better safe than sorry.

Semegastes: Slab's mouth quirks in what could, perhaps, be a smile.

Sadabus: "It would be deeply irresponsible to teach children how to turn their precious stuffed bruins into murder machines," says Sadabus. "Unless that was what they wanted, of course."

Semegastes: Semegastes speaks through Everett's throat — you can tell it's them, because of the ambiguously foreign accent — "Children's stuffed animals are sacred and precious things, Sadabus. You should not teach anyone to turn them into murderous beasts even if they would like to. It is… wrong."

Gailizia: "Typically stuffed bears imprint on their child; dear Dahlia saw to that. They do provide lots of leverage against parents though."

Sadabus: "Deliciously wrong!"

Semegastes: "No. Wrong like mustard and peanut butter."

Gailizia: Gailizia shrugs. "The world is wrong! Why not make a show of it?"

Sadabus: "Truly, there is no joy greater than to feed a brutal, drunken father to his own child's stuffed tiger."

"Well, I suppose there is scones with jam and clotted cream."

"…I mean… wrong though they are."

Radegesis: Radegesis is trying to keep up by counting on her fingers. "What if it's… scones with… mustard and… clotted cream?"

"Fed to… a teddy bear?"

Sadabus: "Well, that's just perverse."

Semegastes: Slab looks Radegesis dead in the eye and makes a jacking-off hand gesture while Sadabus talks. :fuguechip:

Radegesis: Radegesis chokes a little for completely unrelated reasons.

Gailizia: Gailizia nods at Sadabus but agrees with Slab. That's acting!

Sadabus: I refuse to reward my own roasting.

Radegesis: That's why we're here!

GM: "Uhmm…"

GM: Sadabus! Someone is interrupting you from just out of frame!

"Psst. Pssssst."

Sadabus: I turn my head like a stern corvid.

Radegesis: Radegesis swivels like a much less stern corvid. Someone's gotta be the crow to this raven!

GM: It's Eric, the Assistant Station Manager, currently roped into serving as a PA on the show. He's got a big, chunky telephone with a long, swirly cord in hand, his palm over the mouthpiece to muffle any transmission.

GM: "I know this isn't a call-in show but—" Eric says, looking down urgently at the phone, then opening his mouth to speak but finding himself completely unable to say whatever it is he wants to say. "They insisted?"

Sadabus: Sadabus takes the phone "Sadabus Argand speaks!"

GM: Eric rushes back to the control room and patches the call in so the audience can hear, too.

GM: "Charlatan! Fraud!"

Radegesis: Radegesis cheers on the abuse, then remembers she doesn't know why they're doing that.

Gailizia: "Frequent watcher, then? What's your name?"

  • The GM delicately affixes a Fugue Chip to Gailizia, like a gold star on a perfect test.

Sadabus: "Hoh, hoh, hoh! Your abuse fills me with greater strength!"

"Yes, please introduce yourself to our viewers at home."

Sadabus: Just you wait until it's my turn to heckle your shows!

GM: "Your show makes a mockery of all arts thaumaturgical. You are a huckster and a villain, and we wish to put you on notice that we will not suffer any further abuse to the reputation of magick—" and oh boy, you better believe that you can hear the K in there pronounced with crisp pretention. "This will be your final broadcast, lest you have to deal with us."

Gailizia: "Ooooo, Sadabus, you didn't tell me tonight was a game show night!"

She claps with excitement!

Sadabus: "All villainy is but an imitation of my ways," announces Sadabus. "And yes, I agree, that's a great idea."

Gailizia: "Dear caller, what're the prizes if we win?"

Sadabus: "Who are you, caller number one, for you are hereby invited to…"

"…Station Game Night!"

"There will now be a short commercial break while I turn the floor into lava."

  • Radegesis pulls the confetti string. Confetti!

Radegesis: Confetti, we hope but cannot assume, that will not burn stinkily on contact with lava.

Sadabus: That's why it's important to make it out of scented paper.

GM: "We will not hold court to your mischief, you imp. We know you, Sadabus Argand. And we are coming. As for who…"

Sadabus: "Yes! Reveal yourself!"

I turn the full force of my attention on this anime avatar caller.

Spotlight, ho!


Gailizia: Reckoning?

Sadabus: Yeah, probably.

I only ever just say "spotlight".

And sometimes, "ho".

GM: "…we are the Tri-County Association of Arcane Professionals."

Sadabus: "Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Marvelous! Spectactular!"

GM: "And your. License. Is. Revoked."

  • Radegesis gasps dramatically! Then blows a raspberry.

Sadabus: I use Unfettering to have my license not be revoked.

  • Semegastes and Slab suppress a derisive laugh with the same set of vocal cords.

Semegastes: "Are you guys like… the Wizard Better Business Bureau?"

Radegesis: …might have to be Greater Unfettering, unless this is a supernatural revocation, which.

Sadabus: They can't revoke my license! I don't exist!

That's like putting pebbles in your soup.

Radegesis: Radegesis struggles furiously to find a B-word for wizard to complete Slab's jab.

Sadabus: Also, for clarity, have I ever heard of these bozos?

Radegesis: B…wizard. Bwitch. Bmage?

Sadabus: Blackguard? Black mage? Black magician?

Gailizia: Gailin leans over. "Bwarlock."

Sadabus: Maybe "Better Black Arts Bureau"?

GM: There's a scuffle on the line and a strange pause, and then, faintly, distantly:

Radegesis: Radegesis nods confidently. "More like 'Bwarlock Better Business… Bitches'!" :fuguechip:

GM: "What do you mean it's not working?"

Gailizia: Gailin holds up a hand to do a high-five.

Sadabus: "Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! You cannot simply revoke the credentials of Sadabus Argand, holy master of blackness!"

Sadabus: "I am simply too 'elite' for such a shenanigan."

Semegastes: "I'm not sure he actually has credentials to revoke."

  • Radegesis high-fives confidently.

Radegesis: From the elbow!

Gailizia: A perfect execution!

Sadabus: "Of course I don't, because we don't exist."

Radegesis: Then leans over and says "Wow, I really didn't expect that to work."

  • Radegesis wiggles her fingers at the camera for spooky effect!

Gailizia: "It's all in the delivery, dearie."

Sadabus: "The tax gatherers are similarly impenetrable to understanding, I find."

GM: "Fine," the voice says, not to Sadabus but to someone else in the room with them, wherever that is, "we'll just have to do it in person."

Sadabus: "Indeed."

Sadabus: "You will have to attend upon me… for STATION GAME SHOW NIGHT."

GM: They hang up!

And the line goes dead.

Gailizia: She turns to Sadabus. "That's not entirely fair. I do have real credentials. Somewhere. And I'm also a wizard!"

Radegesis: "I'm so scared."

Gailizia: "Oh, is this where we do a segment on traps?"

Radegesis: "Wait, you're a wizard? Why the heck have we been bothering with Saddy?"

Gailizia: "Radegesis, I went to clown school. Of course I can do magics."

Semegastes: "Sadabus is an evil wizard."

Sadabus: "Fellow qistja, we find ourselves confronted by the Better Black Arts Bureau, who may or may not be bitches. I propose that we put off mocking me for forty-five seconds and proceed to mock them, most thoroughly, instead."

Semegastes: "We're all adults here; we can multitask."

GM: Eric looks at Sadabus with wide-eyed foreboding, but he's also a sweet, doe of a man who generally projects foreboding in equal measure with gentle enthusiasm.

Sadabus: I am also claiming XP for "polite conversation with some sort of horror."

GM: I'll buy that.

Radegesis: Shit. 'Better Black Arts Bureau' is way better.

Sadabus: Hm, I also need to show someone a trap I'm building, which seems very appropriate for tonight's shenanigans.

Oh, and I'm going to google these bozos.

Gailizia: I'd like to do a Greater Investigation on these wizards. "Radegesis, could you pick a card?" She holds out a deck of assorted cards.

Radegesis: Radegesis leaps to her feet. "Finally some proper fucking advice. Alright, listen up, kids, let's start with pitfalls."

  • Radegesis sweats. Her hand hovers over a card. No, this one!

Gailizia: What do we learn? I can specify the card after.

GM: The cards suggest that the TCAAP are, first and foremost, exactly what it says on the tin: They're a magician's union, but with some actual magical and potentially even miraculous force behind their bluster.

Gailizia: "Ah, the frequent customer Party City discount card. Seems they are actually wizards! Not very good ones, though."

"Good for humans, I guess?"

Sadabus: Are they evil?

Or rather, do evil wizards fall within their ambit?

Radegesis: And what about cute girls?

Sadabus: Or is it like how evil plumbers don't usually join the plumber's union, or corrupt police officers ha ha ha ha ha

  • Radegesis affixes a Fugue Chip to Sadabus in place of a police badge.

Gailizia: I can find a cute girl muse, if needs must.

GM: Their charter claims to give them authority over all matters thaumaturgical within the Tri-County Area, malevolent or otherwise.

GM: Their Google history reveals them to be, at the very least, fuckin' litigious blighters.

Semegastes: "So, uh, are we gonna try and fortify the station," one of the Technical Kids asks, "or do we have time for another bowl?"

Sadabus: "As stated, I will be turning the floor into lava," announces Sadabus. "I shall require one of you to operate some kind of bowl, however."

"…a quiz bowl!"


Radegesis: "You know, if we scatter a very normal amount of marbles in the skate pit…"

Gailizia: "Radegesis and I can get to the pit trap if one of you can bring a camera."

Radegesis: "Pit trap! Pit trap! Pit trap!"

Sadabus: "Oh, and some sort of baking competition."

Radegesis: "Pie trap! Pie trap! Pie trap!"

Semegastes: "Pretty sure levitate is a second-level spell, dudes," one of the other Technical Kids says.

Radegesis: "Neeerd!"

Sadabus: "Nobody is saying we can't have a pit trap."

Gailizia: "The pie trap is in the pit trap, obviously."

Sadabus: "The technical child is right, however."

Sadabus: "We cannot simply build our physical challenges assuming that we face mere mortal muscle-men."

"For our foes are wielders of the most powerful force of all… magic!"

"They are simply not as good at it as I."

Gailizia: "Ah. So you want us to make magic traps for tonight?"

Sadabus: "Let us consider a new event: The Everything Is Lava."

Sadabus: "Wait, hold on, I saw something like this upon the magic mirror."

  • Radegesis stage whispers "You mean your fucking phone?"

Semegastes: "The… television?" Semegastes-in-Everett asks.

Sadabus: "We must hold a contest in which not power, but beauty is the primary medium of contest."

Radegesis: Dang it. I wanted lava!

Gailizia: "A dating show?"

Sadabus: "A contest that places wielders of magic upon an equal footing, so that apprentices may challenge mighty sorcerers and prove their mettle based on cleverness alone."

"The ultimate equalizing force and bringer of peace and equilibrium!"

  • Sadabus consults his phone magic mirror.

"It is called a 'danmaku battle'."

Radegesis: "And where do, say, enormous biceps fit into this mettle thing?"

Sadabus: "We'll put you in charge of lava."

Radegesis: Radegesis pumps her fist. "All right, kids, watch a fucking master at work."

GM: I briefly got danmaku mixed up with mukbang.

Semegastes: "How do we make sure the magician's HOA plays by your rules, Sadabus? Is there some kind of… wizard's code?"

"No, that's paladins," the D&D-loving Technical Kid advises the parasite in their brain.

Sadabus: "It's our castle, so they've got to defeat us in our impossible challenges before they can confront us," Sadabus explains.

"That is the basic law of reality."

Gailizia: Gailin hefts something suspiciously like a baseball bat. "I'll just be the judge while they challenge him."

Radegesis: Radegesis draws Gabrelt, Abhorrent lance, which tip is barbed and cruel and burning with unfire, and does a very showy twirl with it before plunging it into the floor. "Oh yeah," she yells slightly belated. "Stand back!"

Gailizia: "They can't revoke my credentials, because they're administered by the state!"

Radegesis: Heat radiates out, crinkling the… linoleum?… and melting the concrete beneath. It may or may not technically be lava, but it's sure fucking something! Ignition

[…and 1 XP for 3 Immersion.]

[…and also 1 XP for showing off a trap?]

Sadabus: I get that XP also, right?

Radegesis: I believe so.

Semegastes: Yeah.

Semegastes: 1 to the quest, 1 to the player.

Sadabus: "Yes, excellent!" crows Sadabus. He levitates above the floor, since as everybody knows this is just a second-level spell.

Radegesis: Shit! Radegesis forgot that standing in lava fucking hurts! She hops up on a chair, blows the smoke from Gabrelt, and holsters it out of sight.

Sadabus: "…all of you can fly, right?"

Gailizia: Gailizia comically falls into the lava and vanishes, only to reappear from on top of one of the tv cameras.

Radegesis: Radegesis points at Gailizia. "Wizard shit!"

Gailizia: To answer his question, she just does a cartwheel over the empty air before bounding up to take her seat.

Sadabus: "If no one else is willing to administer the trivia portion of the night's proceedings, I will do so myself."

Semegastes: Slab rips a chunk of concrete out of the wall and throws it into the lava like an island for Semegastes' hosts to huddle on.

Sadabus: "Radegesis, the traps and physical obstacles segment is for you to minister to."

Gailizia: "And me?"

GM: The mortals here not being ridden by voidworms seem surprisingly calm. Clearly, they are growing accustomed to Weird Excrucian Shit.

Sadabus: "Hm, do you think you can do some sort of financial thing?"

"Guess how much an object costs?"

Semegastes: "Pay off my mortgage?" Everett proposes.

Sadabus: "Hm, it seems that romantic contretemps are also popular."

GM: Eric does let out an "eep" as he finds himself stranded on a strangely un-melting trash can when the floor turns to lava around him.

Radegesis: Radegesis cracks her knuckles and then her neck. She's trying very hard to seem unaffected by her burnt soles. That wouldn't be very cool, would it?

"Standup comedy-off!"

Gailizia: "Oh, romantic contretemps are much more my forte."

Sadabus: "Who's going to judge comedy? That sounds merely awkward."

Gailizia: "You're just afraid of losing."

  • Radegesis mutters under her breath, "Everyone who's ever paid a mortgage is a fucking clown."

Sadabus: "Oh, and we need a teams event. Some sort of… familial vendetta?"

Semegastes: (I think I'd technically need a Greater Ignition for Slab to rip chunks out of walls, so +1 XP for 3 Immersion.)

Radegesis: "Ugh, don't say 'Familia' out loud, that's how you get Nobles."

Gailizia: "Do I need to ask Annalee to pick up some stilettos for that?"

Radegesis: "Can't hurt, right? Or, well, I guess it very specifically can, but you know what I mean."

Gailizia: "You know we're still live, right?"

Sadabus: "To be honest, I've quite forgotten how to turn the cameras off."

"Now, onward, to construct the obstacles! Also, someone see to the craft services table."

Semegastes: "If there's anyone in the audience who wants to pay my mortgage," Everett says, sounding exactly as pathetically as you would think, "my bank account number is 638-" There's a stifled yelp as Semegastes shuts off his vocal cords.

GM: Poppy is procuring pizza.

Gailizia: "Everett, I'm afraid the USD-to-Clown Dollar conversion rate is inherently mysterious."

Sadabus: "That's an excellent idea, Everett," Sadabus nods. "Next week's show will be about how to escape your financial obligations!"

"But first, we're going to step across a picket line."

Semegastes: Slab steps up behind Sadabus, and coughs gently. "We don't do that."

Radegesis: Radegesis points into the camera, then makes a thumbs down. "What are you waiting for, you wizard fuckers? Get at us!"

Sadabus: "We don't?"

Gailizia: "Unions are good, Sadabus."

Semegastes: "Let's not mix up those wizard jokers with an actual, honest union."

Gailizia: "We're pro-labor here."

Sadabus: "But we just invited a union here, to kill them!"

Sadabus: "Have we become, perhaps… morally grey?"

Radegesis: "These jokers aren't a union, they're just… unified."

Gailizia: "More like a coven, really."

Semegastes: Slab goes to give Gailizia a knuckle bump.

Gailizia: She connects and drops more confetti.

Sadabus: "On consideration, we can rule that they are not a proper union, since if they were, we would be in it."

"Slabs, not scabs."

Radegesis: I can only imagine a doggy toy wheeeenk on connection with Gailizia's fist.

GM: Gailizia's Investigation definitely returned a sense that these lot are a union, for however much that matters.

Radegesis: "Slabs not scabs!"

"Aw shit."

Gailizia: Gailin nods. "We are a very pro-Slab workplace. Everyone give it up for Slab." She begins clapping.

Semegastes: "Unions represent laborers. They're a bunch of dumbasses with fancy hats that add k's to the end of the words. They're not the same."

Gailizia: She claps harder.

Radegesis: Radegesis claps, very slightly too enthusiastically.

Sadabus: "Bourgieousiturgy."

Now, to transform the castle into even more of a deathtrap, and to institute a game-show theme.

Gailizia: Attention @ this.

Sadabus: Did you know that our studio is a dark and spooky wizard's castle? Because it is!

The first step is to make everybody take their cars out of the parking lot.

Completely wrong ambience, plus the risk of fireballs.

Gailizia: "Oh! I can take care of that."

Semegastes: "Uh, Mr. Sadabus," Everett hems, "I kinda ran out of gas…"

"Can you… wizard my car out of the lot?"

Sadabus: Then I'll ask Death to hang out around the drawbridge to ambush the intruders and knock off most of their power-ups they got from previous games.

"Of course. Such a small thing is of no matter to me."

I turn Everett into an ogre.

Semegastes: Hmm. Semegastes is going to take whatever Cost is necessary to prevent Everett from being Shreked.

Given the lack of an action, I presume it is none.

Gailizia: She walks outside. If anyone is streaming her, they'd see her make a gesture, and the reality of the parking lot becomes… unfixed. The plants lushen and glow in the darkness of the night as they pick up the cars and move them out of the way. Things aren't all that real outside the station at the moment!

This is an application of faery magic.

Radegesis: Fungi can't be part of Shrek! It just doesn't make sense!

Gailizia: She comes back in, clapping her hands to clean dust from her immaculate gloves.

Sadabus: Poor Everett, forever barred from life among the buff.

  • Sadabus pats Everett, feeling his sorrow and shame.

Gailizia: "I also filled your tank, Everett, but it'll turn to leaves and dust in the morning. Fey stuff."

GM: Is Sadabus' renovation backed by a miraculous action of some kind?

Sadabus: Well, it's a stunt, at the very least. I guess it probably wants a Greater Stunt of black magic.

  • Semegastes whispers, "Greater Costuuuuumery."

Sadabus: I guess that might work better.

Gailizia: Gailin's action is also a stunt, but it can be manipulated with anyone's Greater Focus actions.

Sadabus: I'm not sure how much of it will do anything, but maybe we can wave that away.

Since "let's turn the castle into game show night" is tonight's premise.

Hm, what other things do I need to do as part of this renovation, guys?

Radegesis: Radegesis contributes her Not-basilisk to coil threateningly around a spire. For atmosphere!

Gailizia: Do you need a muse?

Sadabus: I love ideas! Especially wicked ones.

Sadabus: I guess I'll throw in some twisty passages, some "let's split up, guys" spells, and a few random cursed traps just for good measure.

Radegesis: And prepares the ox-corpse full of Not-bees for a mechanical rodeo-type thing.

Lesser Spherecraft

Gailizia: She sets the Twisting-of-the-Light loose in the twisted passages to haunt and distort the perceptions of their guests.

Lesser Spherecraft

Sadabus: Oh, I forgot!

We need some prizes.

Fabulous prizes.

Oh, if only I could bake!

Radegesis: Radegesis holds up a fig. The buzzing is almost imperceptible.

Semegastes: Semegastes contributes a Greater Stunt to permeate the outermost perimeter with airborne clouds of her colony-self, in hopes of infecting at least a few trespassers.

+1 XP for 4 Stilling

Radegesis: "…eh? eh?"

Sadabus: "Semegastes, you do not count as a prize."

Radegesis: "But they're so easy to give out!"

Semegastes: "I'm an e-celebrity, Sadabus. I'm going viral!" :fuguechip:

  • The GM gives a Fugue Chip, but angrily.

Sadabus: "That's exactly why you lack rarity value! You should become more selective!"

  • Sadabus slut-shames a virus. That's no way to behave, Sadabus! Especially considering the shenanigans you'll be getting up to in later episodes!

Semegastes: The Technical Kids who taught Semegastes that joke high-five.

Gailizia: "I could let them drink of the Moonsilver-Pooling and partake of the illusion of fullfillment for a night?"

Radegesis: You should take a red quest with that as catchphrase.

Who's still waiting on spotlights?

Semegastes: I haven't taken any.

Gailizia: I mean, we all have at least one left.

GM: I could close this chapter early for 1 XP each.

Or we could keep this whole thing as one chapter, if y'all would like to go for 2.

Gailizia: Eh, I'd be fine moving on.

Radegesis: I've done mine, I think.

But yeah, it sounds like we can move on if we want.

GM: My notes have 4 spotlights.

Which is just what we need.

Sadabus: I'm going to spotlight the camera person.

Sadabus: Who is doing all the camera work? I'm sure not.

GM: Really?

Sadabus: I'm clearly in front of the camera.

Also we kind of need a lot of cameras for tonight.

Can we get a Lakitu?

GM: No I meant—

So, camerafolks—

Radegesis: As if being in front of the camera would stop you from operating it with your dark ways…

GM: Normally, it'd just be Jupiter. They're intimidatingly tall, with a lean body, Steve Nix style, long black hair, and a voice like smoke sliding through moonlight.

Radegesis: (somewhere in the background Radegesis gulps)

Gailizia: big mood radegesis

With all the extra cameras needing to be set up, Poppy takes one too, and she'll probably foist one or two Tech Kids into service if they're amenable.

Semegastes: They kvetch about it, but… it's hard to get out of technical work when it's in your name.

Gailizia: If they want out of technical work, they can join the fan club.

Sadabus: Wait, we have fans?

Do I have fans?

I feel like Sadabus has something more like… a bunch of people who carefully write down everything he says for future reference while roasting him mercilessly.

Gailizia: I have fans.

They may well roast you though, who knows?

Radegesis: I feel like most people who hang out with Sadabus roast him.

Him and Everett.

Sadabus: It's a good thing I've sworn not to destroy Creation!

Which many of these people are part of!

GM: Everett definitelly has some woobie fans.

Gailizia: Yeah, but, do you really want to fight a clown about it?

Semegastes: Everett should not have fans!

Radegesis: The enduring power of the internet is such that everyone has fans.

Gailizia: A fool uses Ability 0 to fuck up. Gailizia uses Greater Stunt to fuck up greatly, at you.

Sadabus: When a clown fights a wizard, the audience wins.

Which is why we only do it for season finales.

Gailizia: Everett is a topic of discussion of a handful of obscure dad forums.

GM: Everett's fans found out too late that doing things ironically is the gateway to doing things for realsies.



The rain intensifies.

And a small group of cloaked (or, at least, peacoated) figures appear at the studio's threshold.

Sadabus: "One minute until showtime," whispers Sadabus. "One, one, one… a-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Semegastes: Slab pulls a butcher's cleaver out of her backpack.

Actually, not a backpack, she has a messenger bag.

Gailizia: Outside the castle, Gailizia prances about with a live mic and one of the camerafolks. "Welcome, one and all, the castle of Sadabus Argand and his Lair of Public Access Treachery! I'm your host, the Marvelous Gailin! Would you dear challengers like to introduce yourselves?"

Lesser Intensity

  • Sadabus produces the obligatory flash of lightning and peal of thunder as his name is mentioned.

Gailizia: At some point Gailizia changed into a very ringmaster-esque getup.

GM: "You have been told to expect us, harlequin. We are your master's undoing. We are the Tri-County Association of Arcane Practitioners, and I—I am its Executive Officer: Helena Wickermore, D. Occ."

Her deputy is Jackson Machinard, M.D.A.

Semegastes: I'm going to Attention at Helena.

GM: And at the back of the group is a young boy named Cole, and his emotional support greyhound.

Gailizia: "Mhm, mhm. Naturally, we've prepared an assortment of tests and challenges for you to compete in to determine the true sorcerer supreme amongst the five of you!"

Gailizia: She stage whispers behind her hand, "The dog is competing too, right?"

Gailizia: "So, why don't you tell us about yourselves? What brought your attention to Sadabus' mystical malfeasance?"

GM: Helena is a slim, handsome woman with her black hair perfectly coifed in a confection of waves. She has an aura of magic even to those among you uninterested in magic, with or without a K. She carries herself with easy authority, and leans on her umbrella like a cane—more out of affectation than age, it seems.

Semegastes: No gas mask?

GM: She does not.

Semegastes: Stunt to infect as many of these guys as possible with Semegastes.

I'm assuming I'll get, like, one or two, and not the important ones.

GM: A pair of unnamed cloak-wearers grow febrile under the weight of Semegastes' parastical influence.

Semegastes: I claim quest flavor XP, for they have just discovered my trap.

GM: Uncertain as to what's happening, Jackson wraps himself, Helena, Everett and the dog in a protective spell.

Sadabus: Wow, these guys just did not do their research.

Gailizia: "If you could please answer the question, we'd like to get on with the show."

GM: "Are you his minion, clown?"

Semegastes: "We accept your challenge!" Semegastes says through one of the anonymous hoodies. Stunt

GM: Helena is furious when she hears that, rounding on the traitor with knife-eyed contempt.

Gailizia: She bows. "I am minion of minions, dear Helena; is that not the role of the harlequin? 'Rich with dice, and feast, and river-wine: Noble servant to the people of the void.' We all have our roles to play tonight, do we not? Indulge us, if you would." Intensity continues

Sadabus: "She said that and she can't ever take it back," Sadabus notes to himself deep within his lair. He has a minion!

GM: "How could we not notice your master's buffoonery?" Helena asks, raising her voice to be heard over the wind. "His broadcasts—blasphemous as they are—go out to the whole Tri-County region, and with them, all hope for respectable magic is dashed. He takes something sacred and profanes it with his foolery."

Radegesis: "I mean, buffoonery is kinda what we do here."

GM: "Obviously."

"May we enter?" she asks, tart as a lemon.

Gailizia: Gailin nods, her eyes closed. "True, true. He does make a mockery of this wrongful world. And if you navigate this maze of challenge and occult fears, you too may match your wits with him tonight." Another stage whisper. "He's doing a trivia segment, the dear." She steps aside and gestures to the door with a flourish. "After you!"

  • The GM awards another Fugue Chip for that aside, which was just <chef kiss>.

GM: The infected pair are left outside in the rain! Now, only Helena, Jackson, little Cole, and the dog remain to enter the studio. With what challenge are they faced first?

Semegastes: Why can't they come inside? 😦

Radegesis: If you're cold; they're cold. Let them in.

GM: They can, if they like. Or if you like.

But they are no longer "in the party".

Semegastes: Semegastes strongly suggests, in the back of their mind, that they should tag along.

It's probably not even hard enough to take a Stunt, because, rain.

GM: They do so, although Helena ensures that they follow at a distance.

Gailizia: Gailizia announces over the castle's speakers: "For our first event… THE MAZE OF MYSTICAL MAYHEM!, a combination of various sordid traps, obstacles, and of course, that special twist- the Twisting-of-the-Light, fresh from the silvered land!"

Sadabus: Sadabus triggers the Game Show Night theme music, a horrifying chiptune he put together while he was waiting.

GM: Who put together the maze? And would you say it was done by magic?

Sadabus: The magic of television.

Gailizia: Sadabus made it with his magic, and Gailizia set loose one of her Arcana in it to mess with them

The Twisting-Of-The-Light, which whispers lies to your senses and inspires visions of things which are not there.

The bwarlocks can have a little distortion, as a treat.

GM: Helena taps her umbrella against the path before the first turn. There's a sudden groaning, buckling, shifting sound as the maze begins to rearrange itself into a linear corridor.

Sadabus: Tsk! Someone armed these pests with Magic-B-Gone!

Semegastes: "I've got a bad feeling about this, boss…" one of the infested goons says. "Didn't that seem… too easy?"

Sadabus: Sadabus watches irritably through the TV cameras.

Semegastes: Stunt, or a Greater Stunt if you think that level of control needs one.

GM: How does the Twisting-of-the-Light manifest against them?

Gailizia: It's basically a low key psychic attack at this level; she didn't invest it with much power because she's doing it poorly on purpose and for drama.

So hallucinations, seeing things that aren't there, a horrible twisting to the light that is clearly not of Creation.

The usual.

GM: Gailizia, is there some dark satisfaction when you see Helena—confident, stern Helena—stride face-first into your arcana?

Because hoooooo boy.

She gets paranoid fast.

Gailizia: Oh, indeed. It's in her Eide to delight in the strong being laid low.

GM: The infected fall prey, too. And Cole, although his dog pushes comfortingly against the boy's leg, which seems to lessen the assault.

Radegesis: One must admit, however begrudgingly, that he is a good boy, yes he is, yes he is.

GM: But Jackson… he sees something when it hits him. You can see something working inside his brain, and he puts together another spell, pushing Helena and pulling Everett to hurry them through the Twisting.

Semegastes: Semegastes Attents at this dog, who can contend against miracles.

GM: The dog is a greyhound, all leg and gristle. It has a sweet but nervous nature, clinging to the boy's side. By all signs, the dog itself doesn't seem miraculous. Abnormally intelligent and aware of vague miraculous energies perhaps, but not actually contending with them itself.

What Semegastes notices is the dog press against Cole's hand… and then, the miracle around the pair breaks.

Radegesis: He's a good boy, yes he is.

Semegastes: "I think one of them might be a Power," Semegastes-in-Everett warns the others, back in the studio. "The kid with the dog."

Sadabus: Oh, let's test this.

I'm going to blast Jackson with fire, causing him to die.

Gailizia: …or, I could look at him using a Vision miracle.

Sadabus: Fine! But this is why my ratings are better.

GM: Whatever the tactic, be sure to give me an action and a miracle level.

Radegesis: Radegesis votes for the fiery death!

Sadabus: Just remember to exposit to the audience about what you're seeing.

Gailizia: We can always do both.

Gailizia: Anyways, I spend 2 Fugue for the second modality on Greater Vision, which is the effects of Vision applied to an action using effectively Ability 5 + 3 Edge using the benefits of Greater Flow to look at this child and his dog.

GM: The dog…there's a certain spark inside of it. A sense that it might once have been precious to a Power—or to a Strategist, mind you. It was an Anchor once, and a few embers of that bond still burn.

The boy?

The boy has the World Breaker's Hand. Which he demonstrates when fire launches towards Jackson.

Semegastes: "…okay, it was fifty-fifty."

Sadabus: Called it!

Gailizia: Does he read as anything other than human?

Radegesis: Radegesis turns to the camera and mouths 'oh shiiiiiiiiit'.

GM: He reads as exactly human.

He has eyes.

Radegesis: And a nose? Spoiled!

Gailizia: As they clear the Light and the maze and Sadabus throws a fireball out of nowhere, Gailin prances up and holds the mic to the dog. "What a privilege to meet a living ex-Anchor! If you don't mind us asking, who was your previous master?" After any response from the dog, she'll turn to Everett. "And you! Where did you obtain a mastery over bleak power? Very impressive for a human boy-" She grins and drops to a real whisper "-or is that not quite everything?" the lights dim

GM: Cole demurs at the slightest attention, and Jackson or Helena will interpose themselves. "The boy is of no matter to you, reprobate. Take us to the head clown."

Radegesis: "What, a therapist?"

Semegastes: "Hey, shouldn't we let the dog give an answer?" one of the hosts says.

GM: "Quiet, parasite," Jackson says.

Gailizia: THE MASQUE FANTASTIC! "Yes! What do they have to say?" She holds the mic to the dog again

Semegastes: "Yeah!" says the other. "Lay off Cole, yeah, but the dog - I think he should get a voice."

Gailizia: Intensity

GM: The dog lowers its tail, backs up against Cole, and barks softly but unhappily at Gailizia.

Semegastes: "That's some profound stuff."

Radegesis: Radegesis applauds, having decided that ironically snapping would betray an uncool knowledge of theater kids.

Semegastes: "Also, back it up — parasite? That's pretty rude."

GM: "Accuracy often is."

Gailizia: She rolls her eyes and cartwheels into the next room. "And now for the next challenge- THE FLOOR OF IG'NOBLE INGEOUS MISERY! With handmade traps provided by our own lovely Radegesis! Everyone, give her a hand!"

Semegastes: The infested hosts applaud.

"You know, maybe by exploiting our labor, you're the real parasite."

GM: Jackson whispers something to Cole; the boy doesn't like it, but he makes a small, cutting gesture with his hand and Semegastes' colonies inside the no-namers call out, only to be suddenly and permanently silenced.

Semegastes: Rude!

Gailizia: Also, phantasmagorical.

Radegesis: "Hey!" Radegesis does an acrobatic flip down to ground level, or at least, tries, with the athleticism befitting a rollergirl, to land on Gabrelt like a very thin surfboard. "Nobody does that to my friends but me!"

Sadabus: This grows tiresome.

Our foes have no charisma.

I wish to enact a Strategy to humble them.

Gailizia: "That's quite enough violence against your hosts, dears."

Sadabus: Any ideas?

Radegesis: I was just gonna punch them.

Wizard that, you shits!

Gailizia: Something that would force them to acknowledge your mystical seriousness!

Semegastes: Poison where the only antidote is respecting Sadabus.

Radegesis: Curse them; that's always a classic.

Gailizia: Pit trap to the void.

Radegesis: It's possible that when they step into the lava or try to magic it away, it will reveal the terrible demon you summoned beneath, or a terrible magic blizzard.

Sadabus: Trapping them in a bit of Ninuan has some appeal.

Since their main tool seems to be a borrowed Hand.

Overreliance on the Hand? A beginner's error!

Gailizia: We don't know that it's borrowed, though it certainly defangs them against us and the void.

Sadabus: Well, he ain't a fuckin' Strategist.

GM: Choose now or lose initiative.

Sadabus: Let's send them to a waylet.

GM: By what method?

Gailizia: Strategy, I'm assuming.

Sadabus: I have trapped the lava.

Sadabus: When the lava is dispelled, the void will suck them in via the hole I left under it.

GM: With what backing?

Sadabus: Strategy.

GM: Lesser?

Semegastes: There's the option that takes 0-3 minutes to complete on Lesser, at the very end of it.

  • The GM considers.

GM: Helena attempts to conjure a bridge of cooled obsidian over the lava. Does this trigger the trap?

Sadabus: Probably not, but it's rude of her to do that since that wasn't the plan.

That should only happen if there's an outside factor.

GM: She probably does try and dispel it.

GM: What does the void look like as it swallows her?

And where have you sent her to?

Sadabus: Oh, it's more or less an extension of her own unraveling power. First the lava goes, the the walls, and then the world.

As to where I sent her, why, she's gone to my upside-down castle!

It's like this castle, but upside-down and also it doesn't exist.

GM: Helena disappears like contact paper kissed by a flame: Burnt out and gone in an instant.

Gailizia: "Well, what do you know! The dark wizard Sadabus has cast Helena into a waylet he just had lying around somewhere! What a twist!" Is there still a hole or is there a floor again?

Sadabus: Nah, it seals up neatly.

Radegesis: <schloop>

Sadabus: You can't just leave holes into Ninuan lying around in the floor or you get tourists.

Anyway, brb killing helena

Gailizia: She looks at the floor. "Well I guess it's time for TRIVIAL DARK PURSUITS!"

GM: Jackson is flabbergasted by this.

GM: He stops, frozen for a moment.

Sadabus: Oh, no, Sadabus left with all the really hard trivia questions!

GM: He looks down, takes Everett by the shoulder, and begins to run the fuck out of the studio.

Sadabus: Looks like it's Sports & Pop Culture night.

Semegastes: There's still some Semegastes hanging outside the studio, right?

GM: Probably?

Semegastes: I'm going to use Trust to have Slab show up, cleaver in hand, just in time to catch Jackson and Everett as they run out.

Gailizia: oh my god

Radegesis: holy shit

Gailizia: fugue


Semegastes: "Hello, boys."

Radegesis: Radegesis gets an anime nosebleed.

Sadabus: I offer a Fugue Chip for being properly wicked.

Gailizia: Gailin follows after. "Slab, does Semegastes want you to kill them? Please tell me no."

GM: …What does she do? Because I can tell you there are only so many ways this plays out, and most of them end with someone dead.

Radegesis: Don't kill the dog! …or the kid!

Semegastes: She doesn't want to kill them, but she does want some answers, and some payback intimidation for parts of Semegastes getting WBH'd.

Gailizia: She should say that out loud.

Sadabus: Oh, just knife them a bit.

Semegastes: "No, Gailizia, Semegastes and I don't feel like killing these jokers," Slab says, loud enough for the jokers to hear.

GM: Okay, here's the thing: Jackson will absolutely respond with deadly force if Slab doesn't move aside. The spells are already on his lips!

And if she tries to go at Jackson, Cole will unmake her.

Sadabus: <scoffs> That and $1.25 will get you a bottled soda.

Gailizia: Intensity "Jackson, if you keep on with the magic nonsense she will disassemble you with that knife and nobody here wants that."

Semegastes: "Oh, the knife? Nah. I'd turn into a twelve-foot tall werewolf and rip your magics apart with my bare hands."

Radegesis: Perhaps it is time… for Radegesis… to play the hero…

Semegastes: "But."


Gailizia: She puts up her clown hair into a tight bun and brushes off her professional suit, putting on some brightly colored yet sleek glasses.

Semegastes: "That's basically my day job."

"And who wants to do their day job when they're off work?"

GM: Jackson plucks up the Wear to ignore an Intensity.

Radegesis: …by using a Costumery and Stunt to rollerblade into Jackson from behind and knock him down like a bowling pin.

Semegastes: …Fugue Chip.

Radegesis: Surprise attack, bitch!

Gailizia: "I understand that tonight has been a lot and if you'd like to discuss it calmly, we can do it here, outside, and Slab can put away the knife and oh my god, Radegesis." Stunt of being a licensed therapist and maintaining intensity

Gailizia: She looks at you severely but not unkindly.

Radegesis: Sorry! Can't see you! Jackson's flailing body is in the way!

GM: Jackson is waylaid to shit and back by Radegesis, tumbling ass over teakettle. The dog barks and Cole goes into a dead sprint, unmaking things around him at random… even as he looks to barrel through Slab.

Semegastes: Slab cracks a proper smile. "Oh, well."

Gailizia: Gailin uses a Greater Stunt to comically pratfall him, stopping him, and then conjures the Interstice-Sublime to cut straight to, like, a minute later.

GM: It's a minute later. What does that look like?

Semegastes: Slab is a twelve-foot tall werewolf.

Gailizia: Gailizia is crouching by Cole, dressed professionally and holding out a bottle of water from the station vending machine.

Radegesis: Radegesis has a gnarly scrape where her leg made contact with concrete as she slid under Jackson, and then did a sick kickflip or something back upright.

Gailizia: "So, now we've all had a minute, let's stop with the murders. I'm here for art, and I'm past the murder phase right now."

GM: What are Semegastes and Sadabus doing?

Sadabus: Just finished killing Helena; waiting for a dramatic entrance cue.

Semegastes: Semegastes is trying to get oriented and figure out why they would have werewolfed out.

Semegastes: "I don't… think we were trying to murder anyone?" The voices are both Slab and Semegastes, trying to piece together the minute that never happened.

"Probably we could've pinned the kid so he couldn't unmake anything else, but without hurting him."



Gailizia: "Good. That's good." "Now, you, Cole. How are you? Please don't use the Hand, it's not very effective on us anyways."

GM: Cole, all of fourteen years old and terrified, has the dog nestled real close.

Radegesis: I would like to Fail to not faintly say, "That's what she said."

Gailizia: "Good enough. Jackson, how are you doing over there?"

GM: He's gone!

Semegastes: Semegastes eventually has the presence of mind to stop sustaining the Glorification miracle they used in the skipped-over minute, de-werewolfing Slab.

Radegesis: Radegesis, in the middle of extending a chivalrous hand to help him up, does a double take. Damn it!

Gailizia: "You know what, I'm not going to bother asking about that. I'm just going to assume that's normal of him. Okay, Cole, do you have a way to get home, or will we need to call someone?"

Semegastes: "I can give you a ride on my motorcycle," Slab volunteers.

GM: He goes almost Excrucian-level pale at that suggestion.

Gailizia: "Can the dog come on your motorcycle?"

Semegastes: "I can carry it."

Gailizia: "Anyways, I meant like an Uber or something."

Semegastes: "I'm very strong."

GM: "I… I can get home. Just let me go, okay?"

Radegesis: Radegesis frowns. "You good, kid?"

Gailizia: She hands him a card with the number for her therapy practice. "I'm assuming you don't want to see me again, but if you call I can get someone else to give you some therapist recommendations in the area."

Semegastes: Everett has, by this point, managed to stumble outside of the studio. Even with a Trust miracle, he's panting.

Gailizia: "This isn't some weird trick with Casting, if you're concerned about that."

Semegastes: "Do you…want to tell us about how you got the Hand?"

GM: Everett looks at Radegesis, and doesn't need to say: "No. I am not okay. I am not okay in ways and degrees that I do not have the mental or emotional equipment to deal with."

GM: Instead he just says yeah.

He has, apparently, just always had it.

Radegesis: Cheers, kid; I'll drink to that.

Semegastes: "Huh. Are you a bigfoot?"

GM: That shot fires straight through his armor.

Radegesis: "Everett, I swear to Ninuanni Jesus Christ—"

Semegastes: Semegastes swears inwardly for letting Everett take over the conversation.

Radegesis: (Jesus Qistja)

GM: Cole starts laughing—loud, loose, and manic.

Gailizia: "We're going to go back inside now. We need to finish the evening programming, but we can take our time if you need to breathe." She looks around at the glamour'd parking lot and hopes he doesn't find weird plants alarming.

Sadabus: Unmake him and see what happens, Sadabus does not suggest, since he is thankfully not here.

Well, actually, he might be an unusually precocious Glitched, and then being unmade probably wouldn't help him.

Gailizia: People can just have weird powers; maybe he's a fucked-up Inheritor or something.

God, what if you adopt an Imperator's human child?

Radegesis: our kid now

Semegastes: "…I don't know why I said that. My brain is, just, it's horrible, like a dumpster full of crab claws got left out on a beach and all the seagulls came down and then the lid fell over on them and after they frenzied orgy of cannibalism died down the summer heat just putrefied the corpses."

Radegesis: "…yeah. I'm just gonna. Go inside and take Everett with me and we're gonna do TV stuff."

Semegastes: "There's little bugs in my brain and they're actually making me a little bit better at most of it."

"I'm sorry I called you a bigfoot."

Radegesis: "Believe it or not, this is his best behavior."

Semegastes: "But the bugs in my brain can also do the Hand, when they're in a really, really bad place."

"So… we understand."

Radegesis: "Uh, sorry about knocking your friend down too by the way. I'd tell you not to hang out with rude wizards but that's kinda the pot calling the kettle void."

She leans down to whisper to Everett and Semegastes, "Hey if I give him booze later, that's bad, right."

Semegastes: "Yeah, definitely a bad call. Let me take that for safekeeping."

GM: Does Sadabus have a vantage from which he can see his unceremonious but definite triumph?

Sadabus: I was planning to just sort of wander out of a door and disintegrate Helena.

Helena doesn't want to play, so whatever; she doesn't get a fun fight.

GM: I mean.

Sadabus: Sadabus uses Destruction to unmake her.

GM: Helena is wandering the not-halls of a waylet, confused and absolutely livid.

Radegesis: Radegesis is a proponent of not dealing with this, and leaving it until you forget about her or she comes back to bite you.

But unfortunately she, likewise, is not in a position to comment to Sadabus.

GM: How are you getting a lock on her to destroy her?

Gailizia: True, you do need to find her first.

Sadabus: I'll just walk up to her and erase her.

It's my house!

I wasn't really planning to murder her on camera, just to wander back in later wiping oily black smoke off my fingers.

GM: Cool. You do that. What was the last look on her face?

Sadabus: Wasn't paying attention.

Later, Gailizia's player expressed discomfort with this casual act of violence, forcing Sadabus to seriously curtail his murderous ways in future sessions, or rather, to agree that his fellow Chancerists would inevitably derail his most serious acts of wickedness.

Sadabus: Well! That problem is solved and will never bother me again!

GM: A stillness descends upon the scene. The curtain begins to lower—unless there are any last spotlights that people wish to shine.

Gailizia: That was a weird time!

What's up with that kid, and is he gonna come back to try and make trouble and/or pay for therapy?

Semegastes: He's going to prove the bigfoot nephilim theory true.


Sadabus: Oh my god.

We should totally saddle some law-being with a paternity suit.

GM: The curtain closes.

Radegesis: Radegesis does a sick pose, presumably, but the curtains are closed and the lights are off.

So, you cant prove it wasn't cool as hell.

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