In Which Vance Is Not The Storyteller

Elliott: So, let me open with a quick question to help me frame stuff: What's cool about your character, y'all? Or, like, what little things really interest you about this one? I wanna make sure I give those a chance to happen.

Icaria: Hm, I'm planning to meddle in everything based on my somewhat dogmatic knowledge of classical science and art. I want to make lots of theories and get annoyed when things don't fit in their boxes.

Icaria: Also, to absorb energy fields larger than my head.

Elliott: Noted!

Svetlana: Svetlana is a little bit inspired by El-Ahrairah-type heroes in the context of "Magistracy of Hares," so I kind of want to be getting in over my head, ideally in mistaken identity circumstances facilitated by Seasoned Criminal Method and Flawlessly Impenetrable Disguise.

Svetlana: She's an extremely anxious person who has trouble saying no when someone genuinely expects her to go along with something (though she can stand up to intimidation and challenges when they're trying to make her) and I find that amusing in a powerhouse, although after her white-room combat performance I'm not sure she's actually a powerhouse. ^_^

Svetlana: Hopefully some of that made sense.

Elliott: I think so!

Elliott: @vance?

Elliott: Tell us, Don Miguel. Tell us of Murder Nana.

Kukla: gramma stab

Elliott: Did someone break @vance?

Kukla: I smushed him (no I dunno what's up)

Icaria: He may have seen a snausage.

Amethyst: I was just finishing up her character sheet.

Svetlana: !!! mine took me like four days!

Amethyst: I have the slight advantage of having written the system. >:3

Kukla: In your defense, Vance did help write the game.

Amethyst: Grandmother Amethyst Swan ran a nice little teahouse in the satrapy of Aja.

Kukla: Also he's a lawyer.

Kukla: Sorry, 'law dog.'

Icaria: Mine took less time but turned out to have a critical forgot-to-buy-Awareness error.

Svetlana: In fairness, that's the kind of error that's easier to make if you've made it.

Amethyst: The Dynasts came, and yes, they killed their princes and shattered their idols, but they were always good customers at the teahouse.

Amethyst: Her children and grandchildren didn't all agree with her, though, and they joined some foolish haphazard rebellion, and they were killed for it.

Amethyst: So she waited until the satrap and her men came into the teahouse the next day, filled their cups with hemlock, and drove a pair of knitting needles through the Dragon-Blooded's eyes

Amethyst: She Exalted sometime before or after this.

Icaria: Most errors are like that.

Amethyst: So, vengeance and whatnot.

Elliott: Grandma Beatrix

Svetlana: Fortunately, I am the kind of magistrate who worries more about official corruption than peccadilloes like mass murder.

Icaria: Yes, with Save the Queen.

Icaria: Do I have peccadilloes, I wonder?

Amethyst: Here's a quick and dirty charsheet.

Kukla: Dexterity: it's not the godstat, honest.

  • Vance shared a file.

Icaria: I'm sure I'd like to be a rake, and I read a book on the subject, but I haven't tested it yet.

Svetlana: There are easier ways to garden, sir.

Icaria: I feel like I should try to turn that into a double-entendre but I didn't bring that book with me when I fled the library.

Elliott: Hahaha

Elliott: So.

Elliott: @randbrittain: What is your lovely Twilight looking for in Gloam that's worth being in a Dynasty stronghold?

Icaria: I need more books, excitement, things to meddle in, and a husband, in that order.

Icaria: Maybe a couple of husbands. My suddenly broadened horizons have kind of led my reach to exceed my grasp here.

Elliott: And how many young men have you proposed to since you got to Gloam?

Icaria: Wow, you can't just marry people that quickly!

Icaria: I'd need to evaluate them first.

Icaria: Maybe get them to fill out some compatibility horoscopes.

Kukla: How many have you gotten to the paperwork stage of things with?

Icaria: I've done some horoscopes! I have to find the astrologically proper guy to be my first. I mean, uh… my first since I got to Gloam. Yes.

Icaria: That is what I mean.


Elliott: Aww, precious boy.

  • Rand Brittain rolls Lore. Oh, hey, I introduce the fact that this topic is closed and the subject is now murder grandma.

Elliott: @vance: What brings Amethyst to Gloam?

Icaria: (Huh, that actually worked. Lore really is powerful!)

Amethyst: Aja's nearby.

Icaria: (Sometimes I think about switching Occult for Lore but I already have two Lore Twilights.)

Amethyst: And the satrap of Gloam is the mother of one of the soldiers who killed her boys and girls

Amethyst: She'd like to get to know her better.

Elliott: @jennamoran: How about Svetlana?

Icaria: I'm imagining a scenario where Amethyst learns that the satrap has also killed a few of her (the satrap's) children, and they bond.

Svetlana: Hmmm.

Svetlana: I am following a money trail, although it is shocking that money would actually be flowing out of Gloam to meddle in affairs in the Realm. But, what can you do? Corruption is where it is, not where you want to find it.

Svetlana: Although it would be totally amazing if I developed the power to make money trails lead to places that were convenient to me.

Svetlana: Or possibly I am chasing a killer or fleeing the Hunt if the money trail thing is tough on the ST.

  • Rand shared a document.

Svetlana: "The source of this corruption is… inside this closet!" flings it open dramatically

Elliott: Nope, money trails works very well indeed.

Kukla: hmm

Kukla: thinks about the economics of that.

Kukla: interesting

Svetlana: I have also shared my character! I can add Kukla to the share list if desired, but first I would need your email. Or I would need to figure out how Rand made it public.

Kukla: No worries

Kukla: I am only commentary

  • Jenna shared a document.

Svetlana: Neat.

Kukla: claps at the background.

Kukla: I did that once! How soap opera. :heart:

Svetlana: I have a very limited idea what conspiracies and criminals actually do, so I am mostly investigating Nefarious Schemes and Corrupt Doings. I think Svetlana is actually decent at such things, though; it is merely Jenna who is at the soap-bubble-pipe level of investigation.

Kukla: Following the money is a good first step.

Elliott: I feel similarly about my own abilities for detective work.

Svetlana: It mostly just lies there on the floor.

Kukla: In the end, it almost always comes down to wanting More Stuff and More Power and breaking the rules to get it.

Kukla: 'Corruption', in this case, presumably means people breaking the laws of the Realm in exchange for money, or changing the laws in such a way that will get them more money.

Svetlana: I have to use a fan to get it to really go anywhere, and then it mostly goes to smuggling rings.

Kukla: 'We have consulted the Sun, and he agrees.'

Kukla: …I talk a lot. X)

Svetlana: Correct. Or, more generally, people who take on official responsibilities of governance, but become derelict or prejudiced in their execution of those responsibilities in exchange for money, influence, or exciting games of rugby with hopping puppeteers.

Kukla: Yes.

Kukla: Doing your job in a biased way.

Kukla: "Which company should this contract go to? Hmm… the one I have stock in."

Kukla: "Which part of town should get this scarce resource? Hmm… the part of town I bought up while it was cheap and valueless."

Kukla: I'd recommend noir movies but they mostly make me sad. :disappointed:

Svetlana: As a player, I'm assuming that the sinister and nefarious thing that has worms in the souls of the Dragon-Blooded of Gloam is bribing Realm Dragon-Blooded in order to spread its dastardly influence inwards, to the effect of achieving wicked and unsightly ends or possibly just getting a higher interest rate than it could get by investing legally within local businesses.

Kukla: A sinister conspiracy of supernaturals that boils down to 'a pyramid scheme' is pretty fuckin' Exalted.

Kukla: "And for every mote you invest, you'll get back two!"


Svetlana: "At last I have awakened!! I must have souls… and a latte."

  • Elliott makes notes and erases previous possibilities for Gloam's terrible secret.

Svetlana: "But dread majesty, a good latte can only be found in the Realm." "THEN ACQUIRE A USEFUL TRADE CONTACT."

Icaria: An evil presence that exists via accounting… is that yin or yang?

Icaria: considers.

Kukla: Pure yin and pure yang are patent falsehoods. All reality arises from dialectic between opposing forces.

Icaria: I wasn't speaking in the abstract, but in practical terms.


Kukla: … Do you have yin or yang based magical abilities?

Svetlana: He read it yin a book.

Kukla: pun groan

Kukla: I have a question for Elliott.

Svetlana: I think double-entry accounting is a harmony of yin and yang, ergo single-entry accounting is yin or yang depending on whether you're making or losing money?

Kukla: What was the worst plague to afflict Gloam in recent memory?

Kukla: And what could the Dragon-Blooded have done to alleviate it, but didn't do?

Kukla: Ah, the sun… it is being eaten.

Svetlana: That is definitely yin.

Kukla: Too much moon.

Elliott: Hmmm.

Elliott: I kind of want to be super topical and say:

Elliott: The worst plague in recent memory for Gloam was the Thorns incident; some folks reckon that Gloam should have taken in more refugees, but others argue that the illnesses that came with those who did arrive were too terrible to endure. In the end, the Legates closed the port to the East after the situation was already out of hand.

Kukla: Alas.

Elliott: So Gloam suffered the diseases and the stress to systems, but also lost out on trade for three months.

Elliott: It was not a popular solution.

Kukla: I cannot imagine it would be.

Icaria: That's not harmonious at all!

Icaria: You're supposed to maintain a healthy flow from one destination to another so that the flow of tainted matter through the body politic carries it from place to place, or something.

Elliott: Alas, the Legates disagreed.

Kukla: Anyhow I'm going to slither away. BBL

Kukla: Hope this all goes great.

Elliott: Actually, their disagreements were part of the reason stuff took so long to manage.

Svetlana: Bye! Thanks. ^_^

Icaria: Good luck!

Elliott: SHTO

Elliott: I guess I should narrate something?

Elliott: Or actually…

Elliott: How have Svetlana and Amethyst made Icaria's acquaintance in Gloam?

Amethyst: Amethyst Swan has probably found a local teahouse, struck up a friendship with the proprietor and given her some business tips, and hangs around there as her home base.

Amethyst: Does Icaria drink… tea?

Icaria: I drink a lot of things.

Icaria: Although not very well.

Icaria: Tea, I suppose, is relatively harmless.

Icaria: One isn't expected to quaff.

Svetlana: Traditionally I would categorize Icaria as behaving suspiciously, follow Icaria for a bit to see if it led somewhere interesting, get spotted because my Stealth is nowhere near as good as my Awareness, and wind up sharing a meal or tea or whatever instead of fighting?

Svetlana: I am not, however, sure if Icaria does behave suspiciously.

Elliott: Oh god, is this going to start in a teahouse?

Svetlana: That would be up to Rand.

Svetlana: Ooh, ninjas!

Elliott: The Exalted equivalent of "you meet in a tavern."

Icaria: I don't behave suspiciously so much as completely fail to disguise my nature as Anathema, forcing Svetlana to drag me into a teahouse for safekeeping.

Svetlana: That is indeed not "suspicious," I suppose.

Svetlana: "Um. What in the world. Um. Ah. Please, let us not be here. Let us be there. It is nice to meet you. Have we met? It will be nice to meet you. Let us meet in there."

Elliott: So, there's this little teahouse, and it's called the Salt Thrush because of a horrible little bird that's native to Gloam; the locals insist it was an Anathema trick to make seagulls seem pleasant.

Icaria: I've sort of been expecting a terrible beast to fall upon my spear, and then very grateful and not-very-dressed young men will fall out. But so far it seems like being Chosen of the Sun involves additional logistics.

Amethyst: Oh, my.

Amethyst: Grandma Amethyst Swan is going to have to find you a paramour.

Amethyst: You're clearly not very good at this.

Svetlana: "This is a bad location for you, as there are Dragon-Blooded, and not the particular good kind conducting not the good kind of business, and they might take notice of you," says the nervous-looking Tepet Magistrate.

Icaria: It depends on whether she knows anybody here she dislikes enough.

Svetlana: And the teahouse dragging.

Elliott: Grandma, what's the burly teahouse owner's name?

Icaria: "I see. This is the call to adventure."

Amethyst: Ojeph.

Icaria: "I suppose I must answer," I say, which is true enough since I am being moved by force.

Amethyst: Wait, that sounds like o-jeff.

Amethyst: Ojaph.

Svetlana: "Yes. It makes this little trill if you listen carefully.… possibly that is a thrush."

Elliott: It's not so much a trill as a loud, long, whooping sound.

  • Jenna Moran tilts her head, listening.

Icaria: "I should write this down. The long… loud… whooping… of adventure."

Svetlana: "Adventure is very excited. But not very nearby."

Elliott: Adventure walks in!

Svetlana: "Please stop walking like an Anathema."

Svetlana: I demonstrate a walking technique that is not obviously different from any other walk.

Elliott: Or, more specifically, a sandy-haired fellow with Southern coloring and a face sprinkled with scars. You've done the math, Icaria. He's the best match so far, something like 94%.

Icaria: I consider how an Anathema would walk.

Icaria: It involves a lot of pelvic thrusting.

Icaria: I endeavor not to do that.

Svetlana: "Better, better."

Icaria: This makes my rear butt up against the seven-foot god-weapon strapped to my back, however.

Icaria: Even I can't do math that fast!

Elliott: Well, true, it's not math. It's just a feeling. Then again, you've had that feeling at almost every lad you've seen.

  • Jenna Moran eyes the seven-foot god-weapon// "Perhaps we can disguise it as some sort of crane. Mm. That might also be conspicuous."

Icaria: That is merely my acute mathematical skill.

Svetlana: "No matter, the important thing is the walk and the attitude. Adjust your shoulders slightly. Walk like you've never even heard of the sun."

Icaria: I walk like a morlock, while calculating the astrologically-significant shoulders-to-waist ratio.

Elliott: Meanwhile, Ojaph pours a cup of tea for Amethyst. He is surprisingly dainty and refined for someone built like six feet of brick and gristle.

Amethyst: "Thank you, Ojaph, sonny. Now, we've got customers, so show them to a table, please?"

Elliott: "Ugggg," he says, eyeing the boy as he enters. "Trouble ahead, ma'am."

Icaria: "What a nice town. I'm going to go and sit quietly in the corner, behind a plant."

Amethyst: "Sometimes customers is trouble. Just make sure it pays the bill."

Amethyst: She says this with the tone of a schoolteacher instructing a six-year old.

  • Rand Brittain performs important and completely astrological calculations from behind a fern.

Svetlana: "Good. Good. Sorry." joins Icaria in sitting "I'm Tepet Ev— pardon. Dessa Sv— nevermind. My name isn't important. No, I'm being rude. Svetlana."

Elliott: Ojaph obliges, showing the boy to a table as far away from others as he can manage. Of course, ten more stream in like him—well, not all like him. They're different looking, but they've got the same salt-blasted swagger of boys who think half a month on a new ship makes them the scourge of the sea.

Icaria: "I am Icaria. I travel. In search of books!"

Icaria: Dammit, the ST is drowning me in math problems.

Svetlana: "Perhaps you could carry a large kite on your back?"

Svetlana: "It doesn't shrink down, does it?"

Icaria: "…it never has before."

Amethyst: "Ojaph, dear, take care of those boys. I'll take these two's order."

Icaria: "I presume it has powers, but I have yet to unlock them."

Icaria: I hold the Sun's Brush discreetly in one hand and will it to grow smaller.

Icaria: This… probably does not happen.

Amethyst: "Welcome to the Salt Thrush. Please put that thing away."

Icaria: Although actually a paintbrush mode would be cool and convenient.

Icaria: "Oh, right."

Elliott: Ojaph is unhappy but compliant. The boys are numerous and belligerent.

Svetlana: I eye the blade thoughtfully. "A kite or a crane or—" Svetlana's ear twitches slightly as one of the boys engages in an incident of belligerence. "—or a fern, I suppose. Or a corpse. You could disguise it as the corpse of your… well, I wouldn't want to be insensitive."

Svetlana: "If someone asked you why you were carrying a corpse around on your back, you could say, 'I do not care to be parted.'"

Amethyst: "Would you like a pot of tea?" Amethyst waitresses. "Jasmine, green, lapsang, we have it all. But we wouldn't serve it to you if you had a corpse on your back, so take that into consideration."

Svetlana: "What if it were a lucky corpse?… no, no, you're right. Maybe a living relative?"

Icaria: "That seems logical. Green tea, please."

Svetlana: "Lapsang, please."

Svetlana: Svetlana squints at Amethyst.

Amethyst: "Two pots, Ojaph, and make sure the water's boiling right or it'll taste like muck." Amethyst is squinted at.

Elliott: Ojaph throws his hands up in the air in frustration. The boys are demanding oolong and sake and also getting handsy, but he pries himself away from their jeering and puts the requisite pots on the heat.

Svetlana: "I didn't even think twice about talking with you there," Svetlana said. "You must be a marvelous intelligence asset. But… ah… most likely an already quite active one?"

Icaria: This is the point where I should probably stand up to defend the tea-maker's honor. But, is it really heroic to use my unstoppable arts of war to punish moderate rudeness?

Icaria: There'd be no heads left on shoulders.

Elliott: Ojaph rushes about, refilling empty cups, appeasing rowdy sailors, and finally delivers two pots—cracked porcelain, good omen of heavy use—to the table.

Amethyst: "I'm certain I don't understand what you mean, dear, but thank you all the same. Now, you two don't quite look Gloamish. What brings you and that absurdly long thing to a rustic satrapy like this?"

Icaria: "I am a librarian in search of a library," I answer sagely. This cover story is perfect.

Svetlana: "A desperately ill uncle."

Amethyst: "Well, how's that! One of my grand… somethings, can't remember the name, does books and such. Such a sweet child, up to their eyes in ink."

Amethyst: "And, oh no, that's a shame to hear. What's he come down with?"

Icaria: "How uncomfortable!"

Icaria: But then, I've heard stories about scribes in the Realm who were punished horribly for errors in calligraphy. That sounds like something they might do.

Svetlana: "Most likely," Svetlana says, "he's come down with his son's interest in his inheritance, if you know what I mean. But possibly one of those Thorns diseases. All this way and the doctors aren't letting me in."

Svetlana: Svetlana makes an exaggerated face.

Amethyst: "What a shame, what a shame. If only there were, say, seven feet of sharp metal to keep those doctors occupied. But where could you find that?"

Icaria: "You can't! I hid it behind this fern."

Amethyst: Amethyst is a little bit agape at just how appalling Icaria's poker face is.

Svetlana: "Oh, yes," Svetlana says. "That would definitely cause all of my problems to resolve in a favorable and not at all complicated fashion."

Icaria: "I suppose I could murder these doctors for you," I admit. "But, wouldn't it be more correct to murder the son?"

  • Rand Brittain is confused. It seems like we've skipped some steps.

Svetlana: "Murder is wrong," Svetlana says, vaguely, in the same tone she might use for correcting a child's manners. "I honestly just would prefer you found a way to hide that thing in public."

Icaria: actually thinks about the problem for a second.

Amethyst: "Not in a corpse," Amethyst adds.

Icaria: "Oh, I could just wrap it up in cloth and call it a walking staff."

Icaria: "You two have really good ideas."

Svetlana: "A kite was probably my best idea," Svetlana says, "but that would… probably be comparable."

Svetlana: Do not suggest disguising it as a sword half the size, do not suggest disguising it as a sword half the size thinks the person with Flawlessly Impenetrable Disguise.

Icaria: "Now I need some cloth," I say, absent-mindedly.

Amethyst: "Oh, don't you worry. I'll have something fixed for you in a yeddim's breakfast."

Amethyst: (Yeddim are notoriously fast horfers of troughs full of food.)

Svetlana: "That seems extremely uncomfortable for the yeddim."

Icaria: "No, no, the cloth is fine. We don't have to hide it in a yeddim."

Elliott: One of the boys seems to have grabbed Ojaph somewhere less than civil. In return, Ojaph is currently holding him by the neck. Damn, that guy's hands are big.

Amethyst: Amethyst Swan withdraws back behind the bar, and reaches for a pair of bamboo knitting needles and some coarse, undyed wool.

Icaria: "Oh, there's some cloth," I muse.

Elliott: There's a clamor as a table gets overturned, and the regrettable sound of breaking porcelain.

Icaria: I saunter vaguely in their direction and then attack.

Amethyst: There is a flickering light, like a moth passing in front of a lantern, and she has knit a polearm-cover.

Elliott: "That was a set," Ojaph says, priorities askew as the lads make to encircle him.

  • Vance demands crafting experience.

Svetlana: Svetlana is up on a chair with her back to the wall, in case it's a giant mouse that is trying to circle around behind her.

Icaria: You should spend the rest of this battle trying to force the spear-cozy on me.

Icaria: It's a kind of gambit.

Elliott: A pair of particularly likely lads draw their swords now. Ugly, bitten steel, but still steel.

Amethyst: "Oh, dear." Amethyst sighs. "Ojaph, once you let them flip a table, you've lost all control of your establishment. Once you let them draw swords, even more."

Svetlana: I suppose that's a reason to Join Battle.

Amethyst: "Now, if a single one of you hooligans lays so much as a butter-knife on this beautiful idiot, you'll be walking home blind."

Icaria: "I think you should reconsider," I say, not seeming to pay much attention.


  • Elliott does a Final-Fantasy-esque screen transition.

Amethyst: (Do we have a dicebot yet?)

Icaria: "Your bodies are extremely muscular and you seem quite strong."

Icaria: "So, it would be a shame to damage you."

Kukla: (Elliott's attempt at setting up a dicebot last night was vetoed by food poisoning.)

Kukla: (And setting it up requires administrative access, so I cannot do it now.)

Kukla: (You will simply have to roll the physical dice that you own and honestly report them to the chat.)

Elliott: "Damaged is what y'er prude buddy's gonna be."

Amethyst: (Spending 4m on Awareness excellency.)

Svetlana: (Is that to be conservative or is there a limit there I don't know about?)

Icaria: It puts you one short of flaring anima.

Amethyst: (I don't wanna flare anima.)

Icaria: So I'll do the same thing.

Kukla: (5m lights up your anima.)

Amethyst: (9 successes, base Initiative 12.)

Svetlana: (I see! 4m on Awareness for me too.)

Icaria: Twelve dice for four successes, base initiative 7.

Icaria: "It seems there's no recourse. Once you're stripped naked, you'll become the perfect home for my weapon."

Svetlana: (Five successes, base initiative 8.)

  • Rand Brittain remains apparently unaware of what a double entendre is.
  • Elliott facepalms at Rand.

Elliott: @vance

Amethyst: (How near am I to the nearest ruffian?)

Icaria: My statement was perfectly straightforward and nobody should facepalm! I shall steal their clothes and create a crude set of wrappings!

Elliott: (You're pretty far away—maybe a range band? It's not a big shop, but there are definitely people and tables in your way)

Amethyst: Amethyst Swan moves faster than anyone with grandchildren in the double digits should move, using the tip of one knitting needle to hook a pot of tea. She lobs it ruffian-ward.

Icaria: Hm. Mankind creates clothing in order to advantage himself, to defend himself against the elements.

Icaria: In combat, one seeks a purely advantageous position for oneself at the expense of the opponent.

Icaria: Logically, if I can Crash these ruffians, their clothing will fall off and become mine.

Amethyst: (3m to ready knitting needles as a weapon with Elegant Weapon Repertoire.)

Amethyst: (4 successes on the attack roll, plus any stunt dice you feel like giving me.)

Elliott: (+1 stunt die, which rolled for a 10.)

Amethyst: (sure)

Amethyst: (buuut in the future they normally come at 2 dice for a garden-variety stunt)

Elliott: (So, 4 threshold successes after his Evasion)

Amethyst: (what's 13 damage - his soak?)

Elliott: (AND A 9)

Elliott: (Give yourself one more threshold)

Elliott: (7 Damage dice)

Amethyst: (4 damage. I go up to Initiative 17)

Elliott: The teapot smashes cleanly against the young man's head—he's freckled, so we're gonna call him Freck. It shatters in a neat spray of shards, and the tea inside is toasty enough for a decent scald, and the boy's clutching his sword like he just figured out why anyone would ever wanna stick someone with the pointy end.

Elliott: @jennamoran:

Icaria: "You'll stain the cloth that way," I say, offhand.

Svetlana: What would I need to do to get into the rafters? Is that a move action, impossible because there are no rafters, a special action that takes my combat action?

Elliott: looks pointedly at Vance

Elliott: There are definitely rafters if rafters are a helpful thing.

Kukla: ( Do you have any special magic that helps you go uppies? )

Icaria: I'd say it's a reflexive move, although you need to either roll Athletics or use jump magic.

Svetlana: Nope, just acceptable athletics.

Amethyst: (Str + Athletics is a good roll for jumping, or Dex + Athletics.)

Icaria: Or climb up a fern.

Elliott: (Yeah, roll whichever of those two best suits.)

Svetlana: OK! I just wanted to verify it was reflexive. ^_^ Kick one end of the table down so I can bounce off the high edge and up, and roll 4 successes on six dice, so I feel comfortable drawing and throwing a boomerang as I go up. Is there anything weird about drawing a weapon?

Amethyst: Nah.

Svetlana: OK! Trying to clonk the un-tea-coated guy on the head with the boomerang, then, as I go.

Svetlana: Are 10s double?

Elliott: Da.

Elliott: Except on damage rolls.

Svetlana: A ridiculous 9 successes.

Amethyst: (Except on decisive damage rolls. I got a Look when I tried to write a charm that doubled 10s on withering damage.)

Svetlana: And four to catch it.

Elliott: (No help from stunts; it's a crazy 19 damage dice.)

Svetlana: Which I think means it circles his head where a bowl cut would trim it.

Icaria: At this rate I will not have the chance to strip any ruffians at all, although since I was about to use an uncozied god-weapon to do it…

Svetlana: 10 successes.

Svetlana: Wait, 10s…

Icaria: Incidentally, if anybody asks where I found a seven-foot polearm made of wishmetal, the answer is "I found it in a book."

Elliott: Sing for us, O'Svetlana, of the rage of your war boomerang! How has it accosted this young man?

Svetlana: 8 successes and a 10.

Svetlana: I'm confused on whether the 10 is 1 or 2 successes now.

Icaria: It's two for a withering roll.

Icaria: So, 10 successes.

Svetlana: Basically it clonks him and doesn't stop spinning, but just kind of rolls around his head giving him additional whiplash before flying back to my hand.

Icaria: Oh, no! This new haircut is not attractive at all!

Elliott: The three or so unarmed fellows begin to scatter, rolling to the floor and (in one case) leaping through a window in a show of shameless self-preservation.

  • Rand Brittain decides to stop complaining about all the men being driven away until he's done something useful.

Elliott: One gets stuck under a table. He's wide eyed and saying, quiet: "The Captain. The Captain."

Elliott: @randbrittain:

Icaria: I saunter mildly forward, swinging the Sun's Brush about me as though I were taking playful swings at grass, then flick it upward as though I were painting a picture on the air. The picture involves an upward cut from the bottom of his breeches to his neckline."

Icaria: Four successes, alas.

Icaria: Or wait, I have some kind of accuracy bonus.

Icaria: Let's make it seven successes!

Elliott: (Still enough for 3 threshold successes)

Icaria: I suppose I roll 15 damage dice.

Icaria: Six successes.

Icaria: A few more whirls of the brush collect his neatly severed outfit and leave the pile of cotton at my feet.

Icaria: "Finally. The things I have to do to find a spear-cozy."

Icaria: "It's not like people just randomly knit things."

Svetlana: "…but…"

Icaria: Oh, and there's this naked man here.

Icaria: He is less prepossessing than I expected. He seems slightly daunted.

Elliott: The denuded young man is red with fury. And also from being in the South! Frecks has red hair, everywhere. Tastefully. The details are unimportant.

  • Jenna Moran imagines Cousin It.

Elliott: But just as Frecks makes to stab Icaria, his mate—now with a new haircut—dives through the teahouse's kitchen and barrels out the backdoor.

Icaria: This is a terrible night for attractive men.

Icaria: They're becoming less handsome by the minute! I have to protect the barman.

Kukla: (True sorrow.)

Elliott: Frecks flops forward.

Icaria: I have successfully protected the barman!

Amethyst: "Are you ready to apologize now?"

Elliott: He's still trying to stab Icaria, mind you.

Elliott: Was that not clear?

Elliott: (Does attacking still lower your DV-equivalent, V?)

Amethyst: (Nope.)

Elliott: (Tell us how he fails, Rand.)

Svetlana: (Fight, forward-flopping Frecks! Fight for frippery, formalwear, and fortune!)

Icaria: I fear he trips over his own pants and winds up draped over my polearm.

Icaria: As they say, if you ain't got your dignity, you ain't got nothing.

Elliott: Meanwhile, in Yu-Shan—

Icaria: Although I suppose he's still wearing shoes.

Elliott: "Hmm?"

Elliott: A tiny, officious-looking god in robes three sizes too big picks up a small nugget of new-formed worship.

Elliott: It's a good day for Devious Smile, the long-suffering god of unfortunate implications.

Elliott: Back at the teahouse, there's two of them left now that the dust is settling: Frecks, our angry little cutie, and the wide-eyed scar fellow from a long time ago at the start of the session!

Elliott: Scar is the one holed up in a corner, kind of shellshocked.

Icaria: He seems troubled.

Icaria: I should, uh… conjure up a mighty spirit to comfort him.

Icaria: I'll be right back. Just, everybody stay here for four hours or so.

Elliott: Spirits can't solve everything, Chessbot.

Icaria: One spirit can't.

Icaria: There's technically no upper limit to how many I can summon.

Icaria: Well, okay, if they last a month or two I guess I probably max out around 120.

Icaria: If I get into demonology… well, I can't actually summon them both at once so that doesn't really help.

Svetlana: (I didn't realize that by the rules you only catch missed boomerangs, although that makes total sense. I suppose I was stunting to get it back rather than just doing the normal thing.)

Icaria: Anyway, I'm going to construct a crude spear-wrapping, since my weapon is otherwise a liability.

Amethyst: Amethyst Swan frantically waves her elegantly-knit cozy about

Amethyst: It's right there!

Elliott: What are you going to do about Frecks? He's still pretty salty. And naked.

Kukla: (Kick his ass, Nappa.)

Svetlana: What does the tea shop usually do with naked salty people?

Svetlana: I assume there's a default.

Elliott: Teahouse brig?

Svetlana: Oh, that makes sense. STEEP IN YOUR CRIMES

Amethyst: (Am I up?)

Elliott: (I think we've moved out of combat time)

Icaria: Oh, it's a grimcleaver cozy.

Elliott: (Your only opponent is a naked flailing angry guy.)

Icaria: I'll slip it onto the Sun's Brush with one hand while knocking Frecks unconscious with the other, without really paying attention.

Amethyst: Amethyst Swan descends on Frecks, her needles streaming yarn. There is a textile dervish, and he is clad in serviceable undergarments.

Svetlana: I support moving these guys to a partly-submersed brig in the basement where they marinate in the seawater and spices that form the famous rowdy prisoner tea.

Amethyst: She gives Icaria a look. "Well, that was foolish of you. How's he going to work off his tab if he's unconscious?"

Amethyst: "Also, take your damn spear cozy."

Elliott: They are fairly quickly moved into the basement, albeit less a brig than… you know, a basement. There's some errant bags and crates and whatnot, and Scars is still moon-eyed and unresponsive.

Svetlana: I return sheepishly to the ground, because sheep are not found in rafters.

Icaria: "Ah, what fine workmanship! Are you also a sorceress?"

Icaria: Er, sorcerer.

Icaria: Exalted doesn't have sorceresses.

Amethyst: "Just what do those books of yours say, librarian?"

Icaria: Icaria is familiar with sorcrery, librarianship, athletics, and the arts of war. All other professions kind of blend together in his mind.

Icaria: "You were not mentioned. An inconceivable oversight."

Amethyst: "It doesn't take a sorcerer to make a pair of trousers. Just hard work, dedication, and sheep."

Svetlana: "Though I am given to understand that sheep are the divine work of the Petitioner of Clouds, Accordant to the Call of Battle."

Svetlana: "So in a sense there is a supernatural origin."

Elliott: There's a clamor outside, the sound of a crowd gathering and also parting, and a man enters the Salt Thrush. Well, a man. Most folks are measured by height, but to really get this guy, you need the full dimensions: 8 by 5 by 5. He is built like a guy who actually could eat a horse, and probably did for breakfast. He's also moon pale, with a braided cornsilk-colored beard and eyes like frosted marbles.

Icaria: "Yin-yang theory implies that sheep naturally arise in response to the nakedness of human bodies."

Amethyst: "Naked bodies are best kept a way's away from sheep."

Icaria: "Then, when they grow unbearably clothed, a noble warrior arrives to relieve them of their burden, thus restoring balance.

Amethyst: "A customer! Welcome, and pardon the disrepair."

  • Vance reads this guy's motives to see what brings him here

Icaria: What a good time to have a tea cozy.

Elliott: He's also dressed like someone taking the piss out of the North; it's all leather and ragtag mail and horned helmets. At least, it looks like there's a couple.

Icaria: This tea cozy has materially altered my situation and I'm filled with feelings of gratitude.

Elliott: (Gimme a roll, RV.)

Amethyst: (9 successes against his Guile.)

Amethyst: (Also, ha! silver XP!)

Icaria: Ultimately, this will be my undoing.

Icaria: We will encounter a chiseled young man using Iron Kettle Body, and you will clothe him as a major project, and I shall weep.

Amethyst: "Take a seat, take a seat. What can I get you? I'm afraid we might be running low on pots, but don't you worry."

Elliott: The man enters slowly, nodding at Amethyst's hospitality. He removes his gloves slowly, with all the pomp of a Realm dandy, and takes her hand to kiss it. Lightly.

Elliott: Of course, his lips are the size of most plates.

Elliott: Plates.

Elliott: Plates

Amethyst: "My, but you remind me of my third husband."

Elliott: "Apologies, my dear woman. More apologies than I can render," he adds, straightening back up as he plucks a few silver rings from the constellation of jewelry on any given finger and presses them towards Amethyst. "I believe I have debts to repay, on behalf of my thickheaded boys?"

Amethyst: "Oh, just the ordinary tab. This is?"


Amethyst: (How nice are these rings?)

Elliott: (Noice.)

Elliott: (They're heavy silver, and solid, and a couple are studded with clear amber.)

Elliott: (These are suspiciously high quality, yo.)

Amethyst: "More than generous. Would you care for something stronger than tea? We have some of the good stuff, for when the Satrap's boys come 'round."

Elliott: He laughs like a very happy whale. "Lead the way, my good woman. And," he says, eyes flashing as he turns his gaze on Icaria and Svetlana, "perhaps the two would be good enough to join us in our cups?"

Icaria: Why do I hear the Kill Bill sirens?

Icaria: WHEEEEE whoooo WHEEEEE whoooooo

Svetlana: "Oh. Ah. Oh. Well. I do like cups."

Amethyst: Amethyst procures a bottle of…

Amethyst: @randbrittain: use Lore to decide what kind of liquor is native to Gloam!

Icaria: It's robbinut beer. Incredibly strong and bitter.

Svetlana: "I don't really fit in them, haha."

Icaria: "Charmed," I say.

Icaria: I am not charmed. I don't trust people wearing too many clothes.

Icaria: Fortunately my identity as a warrior of the sun is now perfectly concealed.

Amethyst: The four largest teacups in the house get filled with robbinut beer. "To your good luck at sea, Captain."

Elliott: He takes Icaria's hand and kisses it daintily as well.

Icaria: It's a dangerously strong beer. Partly because I have no head for alcohol or any sense of my limits, but also because it's very hard to detect the presence of any deadly poison that may have been added to your cup.

Elliott: "To you and your good fortune on the shore!"

Icaria: "May you find what you seek."

Svetlana: Perhaps because of that strength of the beer, I'm going to invoke *Keen Taste and Smell Technique* before I drink. Although in another sense, this is a terrible mistake.

Svetlana: "To your good luck at sea," I echo, not actually as far behind the conversation as the chatlog makes it seem.

Elliott: Svetlana tastes of hops that had before gone undreamt and untasted.

Amethyst: And absolutely no hemlock in the beer.

Elliott: She has marched upon the Elemental Pole of Bitter, and communes with its attendant Dragon, who is Gaia's (minor) resentment at not being called a Maiden anymore.

Svetlana: Oh, dear, Svetlana thinks, but politely dances with the dragon. Metaphorically.

Icaria: I drink it on the grounds that it can't be that strong.

Icaria: This is incorrect.

Elliott: "And my boys, I hope they did not cause you too much trouble? No bruises or cuts, my dears?"

Svetlana: "Oh, no. I removed myself from danger immediately."

Svetlana: "…that sounded better in my head."

Amethyst: "After all the sake they had, they were only putting themselves in harm's way with those swords, I'm afraid."

Icaria: "There's a reason wars are typically not fought at the drinking table."

Svetlana: "There are no winers in war, only losers," Svetlana solemnly agrees.

Elliott: "Wait, do you not?" he asks. "What a strange Southern custom. Where else would you make war?"

Icaria: Don't say in bed, don't say in bed.

Icaria: …actually I think I manage not to say that.

Amethyst: "Like I tell my grandchildren, you can fight with sticks and piney-cones all day long, but if it gets into my good dishware you'll be begging Mars for mercy."

Elliott: He chuckles, then looks around.

Elliott: "And… two of my boys. I assume they're here?"

Amethyst: "Sleeping it off, down in the basement. I can lead the way."

Elliott: He follows and flings the both of them over his shoulder easy as dishrags.

Icaria: I drape Freckle's scraps of clothing over him, for the sake of dignity.

Elliott: "I trust we'll be meeting again. And you—" he grins at Icaria and honest-to-gods his teeth do the little glint thing.

Elliott: "You seem a likely lad. If you ever think you're up to life aboard ship, we will be in dock a few weeks more."

Icaria: "I'll give the matter due consideration, since you've offered so kindly."

Svetlana: "Your ship," Svetlana says. "Cargo, I take it?"

Svetlana: "Or do you…" Svetlana frowns. "I don't really know what other things ships do."

Elliott: He looks back to Svetalana. "Cargo, of a sort. I sail more for pleasure than business. Or. Wait. Which one does revenge count as?"

Svetlana: "Pleasure," Svetlana affirms. "You cannot get it properly licensed."

Elliott: "True enough!"

Svetlana: "And imagine the taxes." Svetlana shakes her head. "Revenge on anyone interesting? If you don't mind my curiosity."

Elliott: "I suppose you could call him my cousin," the Captain says. "Though he is more than kin, and less than kind."

Elliott: "One day," he says, his voice like a maelstrom, "I shall sail back and reclaim—"

Elliott: "Well. Suffice to say. Things will be reclaimed."

Svetlana: "More than kin and less than kind is a reference, I take it," Svetlana says. "I sometimes regret the interruptions to my classical education."

Elliott: He nods. "A keen ear, even if not fully schooled."

Amethyst: "Let me know if you'll be needing any tea for your cousin. I have a, hah, special blend, that only needs a cup to be properly appreciated."

Amethyst: "You'll certainly need something better than these salty pups' sword arms."

Svetlana: Svetlana ponders, but her Lore is beyond inadequate to guess whom he might be planning to off and what he might be planning to reclaim. Unless it is criminal in nature, in which case (Int+Larceny) offers 4 successes.

Elliott: It's enough, given a few minutes of whispers to right patrons, for Svetlana to gather that the Captain is a cipher. He sailed into port a while back, but no one is really sure where he's from other than NOOOOOOOOOOOORTH.

Icaria: Am I correct in assuming that he's probably an Air Aspect?

Icaria: Or, I don't know, maybe those proportions are normal up north.

Elliott: I mean, he looks the part.

Svetlana: Interesting. I wonder if he is that Bouillabaisse of the North that I've heard about.

Elliott: At least with his general airy-ness.

Elliott: He leaves, and all is lovely for about twenty minutes, when there is a sound like a house falling down. Because there is a house falling down, and near—folks run in all directions as debris splashes this way and that, tossed by the rampaging motions of the biggest hellboar you have ever seen, or heard of, or not yet considered.

Elliott: That's not a normal city thing.

Svetlana: A giant pig? In a city? That's ridiculously improbable.

Amethyst: And Amethyst had just gotten to the point where she was getting to know Icaria and Svetlana's names.

Icaria: Dammit, why didn't I summon an army of elementals before I got here?

Icaria: I'd blend in so much better if I was surrounded by spirits of air and fire.

Icaria: I'd look positively normal by comparison.

Icaria: Still, I have found a worthy foe!

  • Elliott closes the curtain.

Elliott: But that is a story for another day!

Amethyst: That was fun!

Icaria: I will defeat it, and attractive and much more well-dispositioned young men will fall out.

Icaria: That was fun.

Svetlana: Oh, like a pigata!

Icaria: But Gloam is super-lacking in the boy department.

Elliott: …super lacking?

Elliott: There has literally not been a female NPC yet

Elliott: :stuck_out_tongue:

Icaria: Stop calling me picky!


Elliott: Sorry for such a tame first session; I needed to ease back into things and I wanted to let your characters get time together

Icaria: It's all good; I'll fight a pig next week.

Svetlana: It was fun!

Elliott: You are all too kind.

Amethyst: I'm aiming to make friends with the pig.

Elliott: Oh, dear.

Amethyst: He seems nice.

Icaria: Vance is going to get a man before I do.

Icaria: The pig will turn out to be a friendly spirit or possibly a Lunar with sexy alternate form.

Svetlana: The Captain, probably.

Amethyst: Sometimes a hellpig is just a hellpig.

Svetlana: I dunno. The Captain seemed like a hellper.

Elliott: Harharhar.

Svetlana: That wasn't very piratey.

Elliott: Blargle blargle blargle.

Svetlana: Thank you.

Svetlana: Was that so hard?

Elliott: Yes.

Elliott: I am bleeding as we speak.

Icaria: Hm, XP.

Svetlana: I appreciate the effort.

Elliott: Everyone gets 700 XP.

Elliott: It can only be spent on Craft skills.

Amethyst: I reach Essence 14.

Amethyst: I think that's the point where your Charms rewrite your own past so you have retroactively always been a supreme god-warrior, even in the womb.

Icaria: That would significantly confuse my backstory.

Elliott: Okay. Let's see…

Elliott: Everyone gets 5 normal XP for having a pulse and doing really awesome things.

Icaria: I fear I haven't done anything to aid the cause of scholarship this week.

Elliott: Did anyone get to do Drama to a Major or Defining thing or Flaw?

Amethyst: Not I.

  • Elliott does a random drive-by salt at Vance.

Svetlana: Nope!

Icaria: I fear not.

Elliott: Solar XP is a terrible name for something that can't be spent on Solar Charms.

Amethyst: I will not contest that.

Elliott: But no Solar XP for y'all.

Icaria: Next time I'll break into a library… using a pig!

Icaria: The perfect crime.

Elliott: Next time, you need to assassinate more folks.

Svetlana: We assassinated lots of folks! You just didn't notice.

Elliott: That's what Alexander Hamilton would have done.

Elliott: Ooo.

Elliott: That's good.

Svetlana: There were like eighty people in the tea house when we started.

Elliott: Extradiegetic Assassination Charms.

Svetlana: There are now, like, six.

Amethyst: That's what happens when you have Double Night Castes.

Elliott: It's like a double rainbow.

Elliott: Except black.

Elliott: And murderous.

Svetlana: Most rainbows are murderous. You don't think people gave up that gold voluntarily?

Elliott: Monsterous orovores in the sky!

Svetlana: They are naturally six-color creatures.

Amethyst: Rainbows don't eat gold.

Svetlana: But they are stained in blood.

Amethyst: That's dragons.

Elliott: @jennamoran: On the subject of rainbows, any chance of any more Rainbow Noir some day? :stuck_out_tongue:

Svetlana: It seems unlikely; there were supposed to be three, and there were eventually three, and my to-do list is growing rather than shrinking.

Elliott: Ah, raspberries.

Icaria: This is a job for fanfiction!

Elliott: But yes—thanks again to everyone; next session will definitely feature more full contact martial arts excitement and also murder? Mystery?

Icaria: Meanwhile, my vacation is finally started.

Icaria: Two glorious weeks.

Elliott: @randbrittain: Fanfiction about fanfiction is a dangerous pathway to madness

Icaria: Although, I really need to use some of them to finish the Glass EPUB.

Elliott: Yes, Rand.

Elliott: Do that thing.

Amethyst: I shall go get tacos

Amethyst: peace

Elliott: Tacos be with you

Elliott: And I shall go to the sleep

Elliott: It's been real, y'all!

Elliott: Rand, always a pleasure.

Elliott: Jenna, nice to meet you again!

Icaria: Good night!

Svetlana: Nice to meet you again! ^_^

Svetlana: Fare well all!

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License