Thirteenth Story This Is So Babies

<Rand Brittain> It is Mr. Damiani!

<ADamiani> Yo.

<Rand Brittain> Come to indulge in my delightful plots.

<Rand Brittain> Yes, this plot is delightful and carefully-considered.

<ADamiani> Excellent!

<Rand Brittain> The secret ingredient is space.

<Rand Brittain> Space.

  • KreenWarrior has joined #lastmiracle

<Melum> Also, the terrible secret.

<KreenWarrior> Hello!

<Rand Brittain> What did I tell you, Melum?

<Rand Brittain> You Don't. Cross. The Memes.

<Rand Brittain> Why is it that you don't cross the memes, Melum?

<Melum> Complete protonic reversal?

<Rand Brittain> No.

<Rand Brittain> Because Actuals is why.

<Rand Brittain> Next thing you know we're all lolcats.

<Melum> What's an actual?

<Melum> Longcat.

<ADamiani> Actuals?

<ADamiani> Isn't that the Dreams plot?

<Rand Brittain> Doubtless the Rose Actual is the result of someone combining two memes.

<Rand Brittain> But tonight, there is space.

<Melum> There was space before.

<Melum> Which means tonight there is NOTHING.

<ADamiani> Yay!

  • You are now known as HollyhockGod

<KreenWarrior> Hurray for consuming voids!

<Melum> On that note.

  • Melum is now known as Immanuel

<ADamiani> … don't go all Dave Sim on us.

  • ADamiani is now known as Miranda
  • KreenWarrior is now known as Cyrus

<HollyhockGod> Facts about space:

<HollyhockGod> Space is far away.

<HollyhockGod> Space is empty.

<HollyhockGod> (Except for the parts with stuff.)

<Immanuel> Nah, space is all around us.

<HollyhockGod> Space is quite cold.

<HollyhockGod> Yes, but Space is not.

<Immanuel> Except near stars!

<HollyhockGod> And finally, Space is hard to get to.

<HollyhockGod> So it is of note that yesterday saw the final launch of the space shuttle Atlantis.

<Immanuel> I was considering Topology as an estate.

<HollyhockGod> As you wish, Vadne.

<HollyhockGod> Final in the sense that nobody has heard from it since.

<Miranda> Pff. I prefer my space-shuttle launches to be the product of consensual reality.

<Immanuel> I prefer air ships, myself.

<Immanuel> Or, failing that, rail guns.

<Miranda> As long as it's not Atlantis.

<HollyhockGod> Where did Atlantis go? Nobody seems to know, or at least that's what the news tells you if you watch it.

<Miranda> OK. So. As good PCs, we should be investigating this, right?

<Immanuel> …Do we get news in our chancel?

<HollyhockGod> Dan exists, so you do.

<Cyrus> Hurray!

<HollyhockGod> Never fear, I shall give you a reason in good time.

  • HollyhockGod weaves his plots and schemes.

<HollyhockGod> In any case, all transmissions from the space shuttle have ceased, and attempts to locate it via telescope have not succeeded.

<Immanuel> Also Hospitality.

<Cyrus> Hospitality has ceased?

<HollyhockGod> Feel free to comment on this as you please while I spool up the entrance of our first plot NPC.

  • HollyhockGod draws chalk circles.

<Immanuel> No, as a Power. His wrath is legendary.

<Cyrus> "That's kind of weird. Is there a Noble in charge of that stuff?"

<Miranda> "Huh. Three of them? Apollo managed to make it though the whole program without losing one man in space. AND Gemini. AND Mercury."

<Cyrus> "Shuttles? Space? Exploration?"

<Immanuel> "Is this going to go all Event Horizon? It is, isn't it?"

<HollyhockGod> There is a ring on the red Chancel phone.

<Immanuel> It is dragon-sized.

  • Immanuel picks it up

<Immanuel> "Hullo?"

<HollyhockGod> "Greetings, yes," says a worried but sultry voice. "Is Lord Bridges available? This is, um, this is Seeds speaking."

<Immanuel> "Lord Bridges isn't in right now, Lord Fire speaking."

<Immanuel> (Shit, I should've gone with something more colorful like Doge).

<HollyhockGod> "Yes, I, well, I need to find D… Bridges rather quickly. Something has come up that requires his attention."

<Miranda> "Probably, Cyrus. Not us. I hate that stuff. There was a flower rite a long time ago about how tin-foil can't count as a shield because it's not tough, but they need it to keep apart from harm in space… it was a long story, rather soured me on the whole thing…"

<Immanuel> "Well, if you can get a hold of him we'd be quite relieved since he's MIA at the moment."

<Miranda> (<Keanu> DOGE THIS! </Keanu>)

<Immanuel> (It was Trinity actually!)

<HollyhockGod> "I… maybe I should tell you."

<Miranda> (Pedant.)

<Cyrus> "Yes, tell us!" /snoop

<Immanuel> (HOW DARE YOU… oh, yes.)

  • Immanuel hushes Cyrus

<HollyhockGod> "Did you hear about the missing space shuttle? There was something of his on it that I… left there, and it's gone missing now, too."

<Immanuel> "I'm on the dragon-phone!"

<Immanuel> "And who is that We're speaking to, may I ask?"

  • Immanuel uses the royal We. He rolls like that.
  • Lafing Cat has joined #lastmiracle

<HollyhockGod> Dan snatches the phone!

<HollyhockGod> Dan, you need to grab that phone immediately.

<Immanuel> "Careful, Dan; it's strong enough for a man, but made for a dragon."

<Miranda> Plot: Seeds.

<Immanuel> "Oh, Dan just showed up, you're in luck."

  • Lafing Cat is now known as Dan
  • Dan grabs a phone immediately!

<Immanuel> I was double-checking his story, obviously.

<HollyhockGod> "Oh, Dan," says Moirileen, "I needed to talk to you. Do you remember that baby we made?"

<HollyhockGod> "I've… lost it."

<Dan> "How could I forge… wait, what? Where?"

  • Immanuel is trying to eavesdrop, poorly

<HollyhockGod> "Oh, on the space shuttle. You know how it is, it's a convenient way of getting things places."

<HollyhockGod> "But now it seems to have gone missing with our baby on it."

<HollyhockGod> "And I, well, I need your help to find it. Not being able to fly, I mean, which is why I needed a space shuttle in the first place."

<Dan> "You can't contact anyone on the shuttle?"

<HollyhockGod> "No, all transmissions have ceased. Didn't you see the news?"

<HollyhockGod> I assume everyone else is either listening over Dan's shoulder, or possibly has tapped all the Chancel's phone lines?

<Dan> "I've been kind of busy recently, so no."

<Immanuel> Literally over his shoulder in my case.

<Dan> Stop breathing on me. >_>

<Cyrus> Cyrus imbues the sound from the phone with the free-flowing nature of quicksilver, letting it reach his ears!

  • Immanuel fist bumps at the mention of flying.

<Immanuel> Claw bumps. Whatever.

<HollyhockGod> "The Atlantis has vanished on its final flight. No traces of it have been seen since, and I don't have any way of finding it."

<Cyrus> (How big is Dragnuel anyways?)

<HollyhockGod> "But you should be able to get up there easily, right?"

<Immanuel> (Fairly large.)

<HollyhockGod> I assume he's the height of an elephant.

<Dan> Not the size of a yeddim?

<Immanuel> (African or Indian?)

<HollyhockGod> Whichever is bigger.

<Immanuel> Indian!

<HollyhockGod> As big as that.

<Cyrus> (Gotcha.)

<Immanuel> is hanging over your shoulder

<Cyrus> (Has Immanuel put any thought into becoming an Aaron's Serpent?)

<Immanuel> (I don't know, they don't actually breathe fire, do they?)

<Cyrus> (Presumably no one's going to stop them.)

<Dan> (Did we establish that I could bridge to things I knew what they were, even if I didn't know where they were?)

<HollyhockGod> Well, you know where space is!

<HollyhockGod> You can just let the bridge extend out in front of you to sidestep the range issue.

<Dan> "Anyway, I'll come pick you up. You know where it was last heard from, yes?"

<HollyhockGod> "Yes, I've got all the coordinates for its planned trajectory… and where it was supposed to go on my little errand."

<Miranda> (Isn't it against the code of the Aarons' Serpents?)

<HollyhockGod> Attention, duelists: Dan has set you all up on a group date!

<Dan> "Where were you sending our child anyway?"

<Cyrus> (Hurray!)

<HollyhockGod> You are going to have to babysit his kid so he can get his groove on.

<Cyrus> "Child?"

<HollyhockGod> "Oh, just a little place in the asteroid belt."

  • Miranda sits up and folds her paper.

<Cyrus> (Oops, missed that line.)

<Miranda> "Wait, what?"

<Cyrus> (Or I think I thought "baby" was metaphorical.)

<Cyrus> (Whichever it might be!)

  • Immanuel wasn't paying attention

<Immanuel> "Did someone say babysit?"

<Dan> "I really would like to be a part of his life, by the way."

<HollyhockGod> "Well, I was going to show them to you once they'd sprouted but… now's a good time, I guess."

<HollyhockGod> "Anyway, talk later. I'll be waiting outside."

<Dan> "All right… and yes, Cyrus, I'm a father."

<Dan> "Well, I was also the mother at the time."

<Dan> "It's one of those complicated things."

<Cyrus> "It… sounds like it."

<Miranda> "What? Dan, you've been a Noble for like… two weeks! You're too young to have kids in weird miraculous ritual ways!"

<Immanuel> "I knew that auction would come back to haunt us."

<HollyhockGod> How many miraculous ritual babies has Miranda had?

  • Miranda grinds her teeth, ineffectually.

<HollyhockGod> Immanuel, don't answer that question.

<HollyhockGod> I just don't want to know.

<Immanuel> (All of them.)

<Cyrus> (Her Estate is pretty good for birth control)

  • Miranda uses/is protection.

<HollyhockGod> Now! You must solve tonight's A-plot, before Dan loses a baby and we have yet another lingering grief subplot.

<Dan> "I'm making up for lost time, what can I say. Anyway, I'd appreciate your help, but this is technically a personal matter, so I won't be bothered if you don't."

<Dan> (Also, I've been a Noble for like, a month at least. >_> )

<Miranda> (It was hyperbole. I was using Aspect to make it sound shorter than it actually was.)

<Immanuel> (Jeez, are we in comic time? I thought it had been a few months.)

<HollyhockGod> (He's been making good time! He's gone straight from reliquary-hacking geek to goddess-impregnating deity!)

<Cyrus> "Sure, why not, I've got nothing else to do. Been trying to lure a Hound of Tyndalos to capture but it's hard to find the right bait."

<Miranda> "First of all, this is by definition a family matter.

<HollyhockGod> Many pantheons judge your status by that measure alone!

<Miranda> "Secondly—wait, Cyrus, you're luring what?

<Immanuel> "Have you tried a time cube?"

<Cyrus> "I had to leave my pets behind, I'm trying to find new ones."

<HollyhockGod> You can keep Dan's monster baby!

<HollyhockGod> Now, seriously, space.

<Miranda> (Daaaan, porrtaaaaaal.)

  • Dan bridges to pick up Moirileen, and then surfs into space on an air-tight turn of the century period bridge!

<Dan> +covered

<HollyhockGod> You are now in space.

<HollyhockGod> There are EXITS to the NORTH, SOUTH, EAST, WEST, UP, and DOWN. You do not see a SPACE SHUTTLE.

<Immanuel> Xyzzy

<HollyhockGod> God mode on.

<Dan> How is this different from normal? >_>

<HollyhockGod> Exactly.

<Cyrus> (Do we have air? Do we need air? *has Hard to Kill 2 and Immutable*)

<HollyhockGod> You don't and you don't.

<HollyhockGod> Obviously there's air in space. How else would angels breathe?


<Dan> I do, I think.

<Cyrus> (Hurray!)

<Dan> Hah.

<Cyrus> "So there seems to be a lack of spaceship."

<Miranda> …don't they need air?

<Miranda> …I could have sworn there was a Gift…

<Cyrus> "Is this another illusion?"

<Miranda> "No. This is space. Not, as advertised, the final frontier, but space nonetheless."

<HollyhockGod> Sure, but there's air in space, obviously.

  • Immanuel wonders if he should make space a worthy and terrifying opponent.

<Cyrus> "I meant the lack of ship."

<Miranda> Last time you did that you killed the guy.

<Miranda> "No."

<Miranda> "Aether is perfectly breathable, except for about fifteen minutes when they turned it off for Michaelson-Morley."

<HollyhockGod> I'm not giving you more illusions after all the complaining you did last time.

  • Dan opens up his laptop and trys to tracert the space shuttle.

<HollyhockGod> I had to buy a new Socratic method after my old one broke.

<HollyhockGod> I don't know what that does, but the space shuttle is over that way, says the computer.

<Immanuel> It was all a dream.

<Miranda> "Dreams aren't illusions either, exactly."

  • Dan goes that way, as the computer says.
  • Miranda winces, remembering a long-ago ear-chewing-out when she'd made that mistake with Dreams present.

<HollyhockGod> It plots you a convenient course to a pleasant little asteroid with a large cave in it.

<Dan> "Moirileen, is this the asteroid you were sending our child to?"

<HollyhockGod> "…no, this is an awful hole. No plants or anything."

<HollyhockGod> "I had mine all set up for life forms, with furniture and so forth."

<Miranda> "Wait, Moirileen? You had a kid with Moirileen?!"

<Dan> "Why did you think she was here?"

<Miranda> "Sorry. Catching up."

<Miranda> (I missed "bridges to pick up Morileen". *sheepish*)

  • Immanuel wonders who named her Moirileen.

<HollyhockGod> "It's kind of what I do," Moirileen points out. "I've had kids with most people. I'd have had a kid with you by now if you weren't so careful about cleaning out your hairbrushes."

<Immanuel> "I don't use hairbrushes."

  • Cyrus edges away from the suddenly-creepy lady.
  • Miranda smirks, remembering that Cyrus is poisonous to the touch.

<HollyhockGod> She isn't creepy! She just… really likes having magic monster babies.

<Cyrus> (Cyrus is a magic monster baby! He's aware it's creepy!)

<HollyhockGod> "You interest me strangely, zoo-keeper!"

<HollyhockGod> Anyway, there's a cave.

<Dan> (She should also really like bridges now, if that miracle stuck.)

<HollyhockGod> Oh, Dan, what she and you have is something special.

<Dan> Hah.

<Dan> "So, who's up for some spelunking?"

<HollyhockGod> That doesn't change the fact that Cyrus has totally awesome DNA and she absolutely has to make a baby with him.

<HollyhockGod> By stealing his toenail clippings if necessary.

  • Cyrus makes sure not to shed any feathers, backed up with Aspect if necessary.

<Miranda> (Does he have actual DNA? Or just one helix of biological gunk and then another half of it a big ineffable white light, inscribed in Enochian?)

<Dan> (Depends on whether we're in the prosaic or the mythic at the time)

<HollyhockGod> She's Seeds. If she can have sex with it, she can have its baby.

<Cyrus> (Probably depends on mythic/prosaic split.)

<HollyhockGod> And probably even if she can't. It's her thing.

<Cyrus> (Makes sense)

<HollyhockGod> Now, investigate!

<HollyhockGod> You've flirted enough!

<Miranda> (We were investigating! Er. After a fashion)

<Cyrus> (So there's a cave?)

<HollyhockGod> There is indeed a cave. And… claw marks.

<HollyhockGod> Immanuel, these claw marks seems draconically familiar. But, um, quite a lot larger than you.

<Immanuel> Oh, dear Me. Space Immanuel?

<Cyrus> "Big brother of yours?"

<Immanuel> "It may be me, from the future. He's here to help."

<Immanuel> (He is not here to help.)

  • Miranda rolls her eyes and pulls out a flashlight.

<Immanuel> I have Dragoning 1; do I determine anything useful?

<Miranda> "Oh, come on, you big babies."

<Immanuel> "Says you, woman. We're not all invulnerable, you know."

<HollyhockGod> You determine that this is the lair of a very large dragon.

<HollyhockGod> Doubtless a tremendous hoard rests inside.

<Cyrus> "So the dragon stole the space shuttle?"

<Immanuel> "I'd do it."

<Miranda> "Believe me, there is no-one on this Ash with a more acute consciousness of your intrinsic vulnerability."

<Miranda> "If you want to stay in Venice…"

<Immanuel> "And that is why you will be standing in front as we meander through this no doubt dragon-infested space lair."

<HollyhockGod> Down the tunnel, your keen ears detect a sound.

<Immanuel> Good thing this is dragon-sized, or I'd have to guise to fit.

<HollyhockGod> It is the sound of a mountain-sized dragon having a party with a human-scale person.

<HollyhockGod> You hear the clinking of forks and the sound of things being poured out of bottles.

<Cyrus> "Well sounds non-hostile. Which is probably good."

<Cyrus> "Unless they're toasting our destruction or something."

<Dan> "Only probably?"

<Dan> "Always the optimist."

  • Immanuel prods Miranda

<Immanuel> "Fortune favors the bold. Get moving!"

  • Miranda advances.

<Miranda> "Fortune doesn't assist the bold, she just favors them in the sense that she feels they're kinda funny."

  • Immanuel slinks behind her the way only an Indian-elephant-sized, candy-apple-red Italian dragon can.

<HollyhockGod> You discover:

<Miranda> (I thought you were African-elephant sized?)

<Immanuel> (No, Indian.)

<HollyhockGod> A) The god of all Dragons sitting atop a hoard the size of Asia.

<Immanuel> Since when is there a god of dragons?

<HollyhockGod> B) A young and very drunk fellow sitting at a feast table opposite the dragon and enjoying himself a great deal, bedecked in fancy but slightly askew regalia.

<Immanuel> Also, chromatic or metal? Or gem.

<HollyhockGod> C) The space shuttle Atlantis, sitting atop a mountain of gold.

<HollyhockGod> He's black.

<HollyhockGod> The dragon, not the guy.

<Miranda> (Ahh. I went off of "Whichever is bigger".)

<Immanuel> (Indian is larger.)

<Immanuel> (Pedant. /pedant)

<Dan> (I want a pedant pendant.)

<Immanuel> I immediately challenge him to a game of Choice of the Dragon.

<Immanuel> I'm assuming it's a him. It could be a her. Or an it.

<HollyhockGod> He uses a Domain miracle to cause you to lose.

<Dan> (How young is very young?)

<Immanuel> It's single-player!

<HollyhockGod> The fellow? I suppose he's around Dan's age.

<Cyrus> (He's very good at it!)

<Dan> (Dan's not very young; he's like 36.)

<Immanuel> More importantly, if he's the god of dragons, shouldn't I have his cell number or something?

<HollyhockGod> "Guests!" cries the fellow. "Join us, do!"

<HollyhockGod> (Younger than that, then.)

<Dan> "Is that our son?"

<HollyhockGod> You were not previously aware of a Power of Dragons. Now you know better!

<Immanuel> "Well, I didn't want to tell you like this Dan…"

<Immanuel> This is an outrage!

<HollyhockGod> "…no," Moirileen admits, sizing up the dragon-god for gestation purposes.

<HollyhockGod> "Ours is a bit smaller than that."

<Miranda> (No, the internet confirms that African elephants are larger than the Asian elephants with their wimpy-looking ears)

<Cyrus> "Hello, sir!"

<Dan> "Excuse me, sir, I believe you have my child and I would appreciate his return."

<Miranda> (Can't he take a Wound to resist the Domain miracle?)

<Immanuel> Then I have been deceived.

<HollyhockGod> (I refuse to believe that that exchange actually happened, so no.)

  • Immanuel immediately switches the populations of Indian and African elephants to make himself retroactively right.

<HollyhockGod> "NO!" says the dragon-god, instinctively. "WAIT, WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?"

<Immanuel> "Hi."

<HollyhockGod> The other fellow continues to beckon you to the table with a bejeweled rod, inviting you to sit and have some delicious food.

<Immanuel> "Nice Hoard."

<Dan> "My child," Dan says, heading towards the shuttle.


<Dan> "I've come for my family."

<Immanuel> "He can make a convincing claim of ownership despite being a deadbeat dad."

<HollyhockGod> "Oh, don't let's go on about thieves," says the other fellow, who takes time to introduce himself in the meantime as Christopher Ebba, Power of the Heavens.

<Cyrus> (Ack, GMPC alert! :P )

<HollyhockGod> No one else will GM my PCs… so I had to!

  • Immanuel plays both dragons.
  • Dan does not stop moving towards the shuttle.

<HollyhockGod> The dragon-god, ignoring Immanuel's attempt to play him, stretches out a sky's-worth of wing to cover the space shuttle from Dan.

  • Dan bridges around the wing.

<Immanuel> (You mean a ceiling. There is no sky here.)

  • Miranda nods politely to Christopher.
  • Cyrus does the same.

<HollyhockGod> "And this is Eldest Abadon, god of all dragons. Please don't touch the hoard; he dislikes it."

<Cyrus> "Sorry to crash your party. We were just… in space, you know. Like you do."

<Miranda> "Also, you guys did kind of abduct an American icon. Kind like to have that back. Would be nice. Just saying."

<HollyhockGod> "THIEF!" cries the dragon-god. His wing crashes down to break upon Dan's windpipe.

<Immanuel> (Christopher, huh? Are we caught between the Moon and New York City?)

<Miranda> Yeah. I'm shielding the windpipe.

  • Dan destroys the ability of local space to connect him and the dragon.


<Immanuel> "Greetings; we're the Familia Praxael. We have come in search of one of Dan's by-blows."

  • Immanuel says this ignoring the violence about him.

<HollyhockGod> "Please, please don't make an issue of this," says Christopher. "He really can't be reasoned with about the hoard. Now he won't be able to talk sense all night."

<HollyhockGod> "And it was turning out to be quite a good partnership…"

<Immanuel> "Partnership?"

<HollyhockGod> "Well, I asked him to help me steal the space shuttle, since it was so heavy."

<HollyhockGod> "I really didn't mind letting him keep it."

<Miranda> "Why did you steal the space shuttle?"

<HollyhockGod> While you are having this conversation, Dan and the Eldest are playing unstoppable force, immovable object in the background.

<Immanuel> "You stole it because it was heavy?"

<Miranda> "And where are the astronauts?"

<HollyhockGod> "Oh, to destroy the space program, you know. I like to keep the heavens mysterious."

<Miranda> I designate Dan as my shield target.

<Miranda> "Dude, this is the last shuttle, it's over anyhow."

<HollyhockGod> "It was all right to have space travel back when people cared about it, but frankly these days mortals don't give it the respect it deserves. So, I stole it."

<Immanuel> "It was on its final mission, you know. You've probably attracted more attention."

<Cyrus> "What did you do with the people inside?"

<Miranda> "Yes, well… have you harmed the astronauts?"

<HollyhockGod> "I calculated that it would ruin the idea of manned spaceflight for decades."

<HollyhockGod> "What? Astronauts? Oh, those guys. I think I dropped them somewhere. Alberquerque, maybe? I was already pretty drunk."

<Dan> (Is he actually hindering my ability to get into the ship?)

<HollyhockGod> His wings are sky-sized, so it's a problem.

<Miranda> (Dude, Affliction?)

<HollyhockGod> He's knocking your bridges down pretty effortlessly.

<Immanuel> Turn his wings into bridges!

<Dan> (Is he piercing my "I can always find a way" Affliction?)

<Dan> (Oh, I guess that's out, not in.)

<HollyhockGod> A way out.

<Miranda> And he's doing this without actually hitting Dan?

<Dan> (Never mind!)

<HollyhockGod> Sure, I mean, he's got wings big enough to blot the sky.

<HollyhockGod> That's a pretty good tool for Blockade Movement.

<HollyhockGod> And Dan's auto-bridges are only level 4 anyway.

<Miranda> So he's taking Level-5 aspect actions to block Dan?

<HollyhockGod> That's a reasonable conclusion.

<Miranda> Remind me how we turn the sight on?

<Cyrus> (Dragon-Aspect is good Aspect.)

<HollyhockGod> Persona.

<HollyhockGod> Specifically, Persona 0.

<Cyrus> "Was there a baby in the shuttle?"

  • Immanuel has 0 Aspect. =*(

<Miranda> Sight on.

<HollyhockGod> Christopher thinks about this. "I… do not recall seeing a baby."

<HollyhockGod> Moirileen interrupts: "It would have looked like a sealed metal box."

<Cyrus> "That's weird… oh, nevermind."

<HollyhockGod> "Oh, well, there were lots of those. Must be the right place."

<HollyhockGod> The Sight confirms that this fellow is a rather large dragon!

<HollyhockGod> Who loves to protect his enormous hoard.

<Miranda> Can't I detect miracle use?

  • Immanuel flies up to Abadon's ear.

<HollyhockGod> I don't recall the Sight including the ability to spot exact miracle levels.

<HollyhockGod> Although you can see him as an inveterate shielder.

<HollyhockGod> Bond: Not the hoard. Never the hoard. (5)

<Immanuel> "You know, you're not doing a very good job of showing off Dragonhood in front of the softskins," Immanuel whispers.


<HollyhockGod> "This was such a nice party a minute ago," moans Christopher.

<Miranda> (Not levels, but use.)

<HollyhockGod> I guess?

<HollyhockGod> I mean, you can see he's using miracles just by looking at him.

<HollyhockGod> Mostly the Sight lets you follow distance miracles back to the caster.

  • Immanuel is getting angry.

<Immanuel> So, these are Noble-level right? "God" is so vague.

<Cyrus> "Could we trade you something for the shuttle?"

<Miranda> "Right. Christopher, I'm kind of pissed about the shuttle thing as an American, but on the whole, if the astronauts are safe, it's just not my problem and I have much bigger concerns at the moment. However, we need the kid back."

<HollyhockGod> Yeah, he's Power of Dragons.

  • Dan puts a Persona miracle on the dragon's wings—they now connect to the shuttle. >_>

<HollyhockGod> The dragon yells something about thieves trying to rob him and then offering gifts, while Christopher says "Well, I certainly don't see why not, but now you've got him riled."

<HollyhockGod> He makes a gesture that indicates that the Eldest is not entirely compos mentis.

  • Cyrus is fairly certain he was already riled.

<HollyhockGod> Dan grabs a wing and lets it be his bridge down to the shuttle.

  • Immanuel ponders.

<Miranda> "Near as I can tell, this is a mess of your making. So either do something about this, or I guarantee people will find the heavens less awe-inspring."

<Miranda> "You know."

<Miranda> "On their daily commute."

<Miranda> "Through the space-bridge."

<HollyhockGod> The Eldest, seeing this, lets out a breath of lightning to sear Dan.

<Miranda> "OW!"

<Immanuel> "Lightning? Pfeh."

<Miranda> "Fuck!"

<Cyrus> (Could I use a Sacrifice of Mercury to get rid of the hoard's ability to drive him crazy?)

<HollyhockGod> Miranda finds herself electrocuted.

<Immanuel> (How so? And of course not, I'm gonna purify him.)

<Miranda> (I'm assuming that was enough to hurt me but not enough to override redirection.)

<Dan> (Shouldn't there be no path between him and me to breath me? I thought higher miracles only won if they directly conflicted.)

<Immanuel> What a sad display this is.

<Dan> (Breathe on me.)

<HollyhockGod> I don't think anything will override redirection unless they actually try to do that.

<Immanuel> Immanuel is going to try and purify the dragon's mind of his scale cancer or whatever it is that's making him so unreasonable.

<Miranda> (Since he's attacking you, it's a direct conflict)

<HollyhockGod> Your miracle was getting you to the shuttle; his was to flambé you. They don't conflict.

<Miranda> (Electrocute, not flambé)

<Dan> (No, earlier I destroyed local spaces's ability to connect us.)

<Miranda> (We have an answer to "flambé")

<HollyhockGod> It's all the same when you're a pile of ashes.

<HollyhockGod> Anyway, his miracle overrides that one, too.

<Miranda> (It's not the same when you're palling around with the incarnation of flambé.)

<HollyhockGod> Miranda, you can see the Bond on him—his hoard-protecting power is going to be incredible.

<Miranda> Yeah. Christopher had better get off his butt.

  • Cyrus points to his earlier question.
  • Immanuel , still hovering near the (other) dragon's head, breathes a gout of purifying fire right into his brain.

<Miranda> (Cyrus: you'll need to override the Bond.)

<Miranda> Also, do I take damage?

<HollyhockGod> I don't think it's doing anything, Immanuel.

<Immanuel> Level 7, greater enchantment of purity and burning on my fire breath, strike 2.

<HollyhockGod> Yes, you've got a Deadly Wound.

<Dan> Hrm. I'll pump some DMP into my space destroying miracle, it's now level 7.

<Immanuel> Post-miraculizing?

<HollyhockGod> Between his Affliction of being a raging beast and his hoard-protecting Bond, I'm not sure that that's going to work.

<Miranda> Are you sustaining two miracles at once?

<Immanuel> Well, it's still a gout of flame directly to his frontal lobe…

<HollyhockGod> I think he's using one miracle and sustaining another, although I'm not sure that it's his turn.

<Dan> I'm very unsure how turns are going on.

<HollyhockGod> I suppose there is that.

<HollyhockGod> I shall institute strict turn order!

<Cyrus> (so how does one override a bond? I thought it was afflictions that generated an auctoritas? though I suppose I'd have to overcome that too)

<Dan> Bonds give him free strike and/or mirraculous edge

<HollyhockGod> Afflictions have Auctoritas and generate miracles, and Bonds grant Strike.

<HollyhockGod> The turns shall go: Immanuel/Cyrus/Dan/Miranda/Christopher if he feels like it/Eldest

<HollyhockGod> That said, it is becoming apparent that the Eldest is one scary hoard-guarding mofo.

<Immanuel> Immanuel doesn't afraid of anything.

<HollyhockGod> Possibly not the best at other things, but twinked for that.

<Dan> (Also, aren't Sacrifices instant, rather than something you'd sustain?)

<HollyhockGod> You'd have to sustain it if you want it to keep holding back miraculous attacks.

<Dan> (Ah, gotcha.)

<HollyhockGod> Otherwise it's just a thing, such as can be ignored by miracles.

  • Dan nods.

<Dan> Makes sense.

<Miranda> (Miracles don't always ignore things, of course, especially at low levels, but… yeah.)

<HollyhockGod> Anyway, Miranda's tactical Sight reveals his Bond for protecting the hoard, and her having been flambéd indicates that his breath is some kind of Greater Creation of Things That Be Awful.

<HollyhockGod> Quite possibly some kind of Gift.

<Immanuel> I thought he hated Gifts.

<HollyhockGod> I suspects he dislikes Gifts as a second option when robbery was the first one.

<Immanuel> What is he, some kind of lowly mugger?

<Immanuel> Harrumph, breathing fire onto his brain was me trying to avert the violence!

<HollyhockGod> In any case, Miranda's skill at assessing enemies suggests that charging into this one headlong is an excellent way to get killed.

<Cyrus> Makes sense

<Miranda> So, stop charging headlong at this guy.

<Miranda> Although isn't his brain incinerated now?

<HollyhockGod> I suspect it just hurt.

<Immanuel> I was already in position, technically.

<Immanuel> Well, you're The Decider.

<Immanuel> Re: brain roasting?

<HollyhockGod> Let's call it a Deadly Wound saying "My brain is full of hurt."

<Immanuel> Huzzah!

<Cyrus> (so my turn?)

<HollyhockGod> Sure, go ahead.

<Cyrus> Cyrus stares at the dragon, and glows fiercely. He radiates an aura of angelic might! The dragon feels that this is a powerful individual that is worthy of respect. "Look, just give us the shuttle. We are willing to trade for it!"

<Cyrus> (Activating Glorious Gift. Can I activate Friend to Monsters here?)

<HollyhockGod> Dan?

<HollyhockGod> I don't see why not.

<Cyrus> (Okay, I'll do that and spend 3 DMP for 5 Strike, since I don't know what I'm up against)

<Dan> (Which miracles did I actually manage to do, before we switched to firm turns.)

<HollyhockGod> Never mind, let's just let Cyrus resolve this with his angel powers.

  • Dan is ok with that.

<HollyhockGod> The Eldest, temporarily mollified by your prettiness, reverts to a low growl, "And what do you offer in return, tiny thief?"

<Dan> (Why do we want the shuttle? I just want my kid.)

  • HollyhockGod does not advise fighting against a Power with a deadly offensive Gift and an applicable Bond.

<Cyrus> (Oh right.)

<Cyrus> (Hell, Cyrus will take the spaceship for himself)

<Cyrus> (It's cool!)

  • Cyrus tries desperately to think of something.

<Cyrus> "I'm an alchemist. Is there something you'd like me to turn into gold?"

<Dan> ("The sweet loving of Mrs. Seeds.")

  • Miranda looks to Christopher.

<HollyhockGod> "Everything."

<Miranda> (Heh. Gold asteroid.)

<Cyrus> (How big a Treasure miracle is it to use the Book of Elixirs to make the asteroid gold? >_>)

<HollyhockGod> …6?

<Immanuel> "Psst. Don't turn the air to gold, thanks."

<Cyrus> "Alright. I'll need a few minutes and for everyone to close their eyes so they don't see my secret techniques! Gold asteroid, coming up!"

  • Cyrus does alchemy.
  • Immanuel doesn't even pretend to close his eyes.

<HollyhockGod> The secret technique is Use Magic.

<Cyrus> (It's a useful technique!)

<HollyhockGod> The Eldest rolls around a bit on the golden floor, shifting a heap of coins the size of a skyscraper.

<HollyhockGod> "I suppose this is an even trade," he growls.

<Cyrus> "Excellent!"

<HollyhockGod> He tosses the space shuttle at you. You dodge like it ain't no thang.

<HollyhockGod> Nobilis, people!

<Cyrus> *Sacrifices the weight of the spaceship and goes to tug it back home with them*

<HollyhockGod> Moirileen, feeling like she hasn't done much this story, jumps in and retrieves her box.

<Cyrus> "Sweet, I have a spaceship!"

<HollyhockGod> With careful clicks, she opens it to a sound of pressure releasing like boxes do when you open them.

<HollyhockGod> A cloud of pink spores floats out and surrounds her. She strokes them maternally. "Hello, darlings. Did you miss me? Look, it's your daddy!"

  • Dan waves, a little weakly.

<Cyrus> (Oh god, parasprites.)

<Cyrus> (We need a banjo!)

<Dan> "They're cute, for monsters. Do they speak?"

<HollyhockGod> "Such pretty babies," Moirileen coos. "They live inside people's hearts and promote the growth of empathy, eventually forming a great chain of beneficial social relationships in which to reside!"

<HollyhockGod> "And sooooooo cute."

<HollyhockGod> "But they only speak the language of love."

<HollyhockGod> This is the most embarassing baby you have ever had.

<Cyrus> "Huh, that sounds pretty cool actually. Do they later burst out of the people's chests or something?"

<Miranda> "You know you ought to return that, right?"

<Cyrus> "Hey, I bought it fair and square!"

  • Miranda sticks a thumb at three billion dollars of US government property.

<Miranda> "Trafficking in stolen goods."

<HollyhockGod> "What? That's awful! No, they just promote love and understanding, and possibly promote a line of stuffed animals."

<Dan> It's also the least embarrassing baby I've ever had!

<Cyrus> "Christopher would just steal it again if they sent it out again, right?"

<Cyrus> "So I'm just saving them the bother."

<Dan> "Well, A lot of fathers want their kids to make the world a better place, at least mine are more or less assured to do so."

<Miranda> "Christopher messed with us, I'd rather he have to bother."

<Miranda> "And they won't send it out again, anyhow."

<HollyhockGod> "That's right!" points out Christopher. "You might as well keep it."

  • Miranda does her best Harrison Ford. The ark belongs in a museum!

<Miranda> "The ark belongs in a museum!"

<HollyhockGod> "That's why I put it in one!"

<HollyhockGod> "But then you meddling kids came and took it back out!"

<Cyrus> "We can put it in one of our museums. We have those, right?"

<Miranda> "A hoard is not a museum."

  • Miranda technically speaking, cares more about thwarting Christopher's plot than the actual disposition of the shuttle.

<Cyrus> "I don't think angels have hoards? We have… panoplies, maybe?"

<Miranda> "Venice has hoards."

<HollyhockGod> Can you even thwart such a lackadaisical plot?

<Cyrus> "Regalia?"

<Dan> Regalia is correct, I believe.

<Immanuel> "Paraphernalia?"

<HollyhockGod> I vote for a compromise plan: SPACE ELEVATOR.

<Dan> As a bridge, I approve of this plan.

<HollyhockGod> It's a bridge, it's an elevator, it's a simple of the magical potential of space.

<Cyrus> "We can always stimulate the space program later if we want."

<Miranda> (He abducted a national symbol! He's like Carmen Sandiego, but with a dragon.)

<Cyrus> (Cyrus just really wants a spaceship. He'll probably park it somewhere and live in it)

  • Dan decides to enchant the space shuttle to be a bridge between the space program of the past and that of the future.

<Miranda> (?)

<Dan> (I have no actual plans for that. I just like enchanting things.)

<Cyrus> (It could be a handy thing to have around!)

<HollyhockGod> Honestly, unless somebody else feels like lifting the thing, Cyrus can do what he likes with it.

  • Cyrus may well Anchor it later.
  • Immanuel eats the space shuttle!

<Cyrus> :(

<Immanuel> No, no, carry on.

<Miranda> "It belongs to somebody. They stole it. You ought to return it."

<HollyhockGod> In any case, I sense that nobody really cares about the space shuttle, so I declare the problem solved.

<HollyhockGod> In some way.

<Immanuel> I think it should be returned actually but am not greatly concerned

<HollyhockGod> Now you must discuss the fate of Dan's spore babies.

<Immanuel> "Well, they're not infesting my heart, I'll tell you that much."

  • Cyrus would rather not be infested, and half-suspects this is some plot to steal his DNA.

<Cyrus> If we are out of earshot, Cyrus suggests giving one to the dragon in hopes of improving its attitude

<HollyhockGod> Once I was a Noble

<HollyhockGod> On Earth I'd laugh and play

<HollyhockGod> Then Ms. Moirileen came down and stole my DNA

<HollyhockGod> Then she had my babies

<HollyhockGod> To kill it is their fate

<HollyhockGod> They fly around Creation and they shout EXCRUCIATE

<Dan> Let's raise them properly and then unleash them on Earth. Unless they're already mature. In which case, let's just do the second thing.

<Cyrus> (That was impressive.)

<Miranda> "They're your kids, Dan. It's your decision. And Morileen's, of course."

<Miranda> (I cared more about the space shuttle. :) )

  • Cyrus isn't sure what to do with a pleasantly hegemonizing swarm.
  • Dan attempts to teach his floating spore kids how to dance in patterns.

<HollyhockGod> Spore dance!

<Miranda> OK, and done?

<HollyhockGod> I think so.

<HollyhockGod> You saved the space shuttle! Kind of!

<HollyhockGod> And Dan had babies.

<HollyhockGod> And Cyrus didn't. Yet.

<Cyrus> Yay!

<Miranda> Yet.

<Dan> I like my kids.

<Dan> I think I'm going to replace one of my Bonds with them.

<Immanuel> I don't; fie on your kids!

  • You are now known as Rand Brittain

<Rand Brittain> Dan's kids fly into your heart.

  • Miranda is now known as ADamiani

<Rand Brittain> RABU RABU BRIDGE

<ADamiani> Thanks, Rand. That was nice. And plotty.

<ADamiani> Though I totally think we coulda taken 'im

<Immanuel> Ditto.

<Rand Brittain> Some things should be scary even for gods!

<Cyrus> Four on one is hard odds.

<Immanuel> Maybe megalith wasps.

<Rand Brittain> Meanwhile, the Eldest uses Persona to revoke Immanuel's dragon status.

<Cyrus> But we probably would have taken some nasty Wounds doing it

<Immanuel> Don't be absurd, it's an Affliction, Auctoritas!

<Rand Brittain> Sufficiently powerful area attacks are actually probably the best way to kill Miranda.

<Rand Brittain> Because she'll take her own wounds plus other people's.

<Cyrus> Makes sense.

<ADamiani> You only let me actually shield one of them.

<Rand Brittain> That's still dying twice as fast.

<Rand Brittain> Ah, well!

<ADamiani> Only if I don't block the attacks with a shield.

<Rand Brittain> The moral is, don't fight dragons in their lair, because Dragon's Lair Obtenebration.

<Cyrus> It's a pretty cool way to model that!

<Immanuel> He doesn't have Obtenebration. You're thinking of Lasombra.

<Rand Brittain> Next up, hopefully, more Actuals!

<Cyrus> Indeed!

<ADamiani> Yay!

<Immanuel> An Actual what?

<Rand Brittain> Indeed.

<ADamiani> Next week, gentlemen!

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